The Outcast
by todrownandburn
Summary: Orphan at fifteen, with no friends or family, pregnant at sixteen, drunk, pierced, tattooed, smoking, doing drugs, breaking the law and killing people by seventeen. All HUMAN. R&R.
1. And so it begins

The stars blazed through the night sky, creating a picturesque scene for the celebrating couple. Sixteen years they have been together, with a beautiful home and an only daughter named Bella. She was not with them this night, for their anniversary. She was at her best friend's house, Jacob Black. Bella wanted them to celebrate together, as husband and wife.

After a delicious dinner at Giovanni's, the couple decided to go home. They did not need anything special for their anniversary, no large parties, no holiday trips. The only thing they wanted to remain special was their relationship. They strolled to the back of the Italian restaurant, where their car was parked in the lot.

"Want me to drive? I think that Sangiovese wine is getting to you a bit," the husband commented playfully. He gave his wife a large infectious grin, how could she say no to that?

"Fine," she attempted to be stubborn and crossed her arms across her chest, but her husband saw right through that, he knew her too well. He shook his head, playing along by crossing his arms as well, his grin remained large.

"Fine," he mimicked her high voice. His wife's face flashed anger and irritation, but mostly amusement.

"I can't help it! You know I love Italian wine," She gave up her stubborn act and put her arms around his waist. This made them both stop as their eyes met. Their daughter, Bella, felt so embarrassed when they did this, stare at each other with huge puppy dog eyes. There was no escaping their intense love for each other.

They could have stood their for hours, but finally after a few moments, they finished their journey to the car. Time was meaningless when they looked into the windows of each others souls.

After unlocking their car, the husband got into the driver's seat and the wife took the seat next to him. Another perfect night, she thought. She turned to look at her husband, every night was perfect with him. He started the Toyota Rav4 and noticed her staring.

"What?" he asked, returning her gaze. Her face was suddenly drained of happiness, fear quickly replaced it, making her eyes widen. She wasn't looking at him anymore.

"What," he asked again, his face draining in response. His wife's hands made their way to her face, covering her mouth. Tears started to flow down her cheek.

"Put your fucking hands up!" Someone shouted. The voice came from the outside. The husband followed his wife's gaze to see a masked figure holding a handgun in their direction. His muscles froze for a moment as a quick shot of adrenaline filled his veins. This heightened his senses dramatically.

"I said put your fucking hands up!" The voice shouted again. The figure came closer to the car, only few feet from the car window of the husband's side. I have to get her out of here, the husband thought. Both of them slowly put their hands in the air, knowing that any fast movements might make the figure pull the trigger.

The engine was still running, maybe I could hit the gas and get the hell out of here, he thought. His head turned to his wife whose face was now wet with tears. Anger filled him, the decision was made.

"Get down," he murmured to her. His foot slammed on the gas and the Rav4 bolted forward. Before his hands could make the wheel, a loud shot sounded.

The glass of the car window shattered and the car started to slow. The wife took her arms from protecting her face and what she saw made her scream.

Blood quickly flowed down the husband's neck. She flung herself at him, trying to protect him from anymore gunshots. He started to hyperventilate, the bullet had struck into his trachea making air escape it. She quickly unfastened her seat belt and held both hands at the neck wound.

Her world started to collapse in on itself.

"Stay with me, okay, just stay with me," she said as calm as she could possibly manage. His eyes rolled for a few seconds before finding her eyes. She barely noticed the tears streaming down her face. The blood made its way through his mouth, making him cough and breathe even faster. She took off her jacket, always keeping one hand on the wound, and tied it around his neck as quickly as she could.

She reached for cellphone and quickly called for medical attention. The second the operator answered she asked for an ambulance and gave them the address. The cellphone slid down her bloody hands, she had given them the vital information, that's all they needed.

She didn't realise that she was still connected with the operator.

Her husbands eyes were shut, fear took her for a moment before she saw that he was still breathing.

"Wake up, honey, come on, everything is going to be okay. Help will be here soon. Just stay with me," His eyes flickered open and he saw how sad her face was. How can such misery steal my angel? His thoughts started to slow, unconsciousness was near. His bloody lips formed a small smile.

_Holy shit. Fuck. I just shot someone. Shit. This wasn't meant to happen. It was meant to be an easy car jack. In and out. That's it. Now I've fucking shot someone? _

_What do I do? WHAT DO I FUCKING DO?! _

_Destroy the evidence._

_Pretend it never happened._

_I have to hurry. People would have heard the gunshot. _

_My feet moved themselves to the back of the restaurant, I checked for people before going in. The kitchen, empty, clean. I picked up two barrels of cooking oil and took them out to the parking lot. _

_The silence intimidated me. Where were the screams of panic? The wailing of sirens? Too soon. Too soon. I must cherish this silence. _

_I opened one of the barrels and poured half of it on one of the back tires, then I did the same on the other. Taking out my lighter, I become emotionless. Detached from my humanity.  
_

_The first barrel fell from my hands and I threw the lighter to the concrete. Fire immediately erupted causing me to take a few steps bad. Intense heat quickly rolled off and the bright flames bellowed out thick black smoke. _

_As I opened the second barrel, the sound of sirens filled the air. I tossed the barrel towards the car and ran. _

_I sprinted as fast as I could, feeling humanity catch up with me. What had I done?_

She smiled back and quickly kissed his lips. Throwing her arms around him, helpless sobs erupting from her chest.

Please God, let him live. Please let him live. She chanted these useless thoughts through her mind for a few moments before looking at his face.

He was still smiling. It pained him so much to see his angel miserable, upset.

Please God.

His hand slowly made his way to her face, the movement wasn't as painful as he would have thought. His fingers softly traced her jawline, his eyes taking in her beauty perhaps for the last time.

His feelings were fading, becoming unfocused and difficult to acknowledge. He could not hear her loud sobs, or her constant muttering, telling him to stay with her.

But he saw the fresh wave of horror drown his wife's face. Something had changed in her eyes. He stared more intently, noticing that they blazed so brightly, as if they were burning.

Why was there fire in her eyes?

Her mouth opened as if she was trying to breathe, trying to survive the fear that was drowning her.

.

.

Suffocating her.

.

.

She was screaming.

.

.

Shrieking.

.

.

Escaping was impossible.

.

.

The fire had reached them too quickly.

.

.

Her body had already caught fire.

.

.

His a second later.

.

.

The sickest image that could ever be imagined, the most horrifying, was witnessing his wife burn.

.

.

Burn alive.

.

.

.

.

.

"Isabella, wake up. Your flight is leaving in a couple hours," How many times have I told her to call me Bella? The week I have known Mrs. Abigail Woods, a social worker, she still insists on using my full name.

"Yes Mrs. Abigail Woods," I reply. If she will not return the favour then neither will I.

"Call me Abby, Isabella, you know that," Then why don't you call me Bella, I wanted to scream. I didn't reply and took a quick shower. I turned the water on cold, there was no hot water here in the orphanage. At least there was water. The cold helped me to wake up and ignore the nightmare I just had.

People say that your friends and your family make up who you are. I am no one, for I have neither.

My parents died when I was fifteen years old.

Shot.

Incinerated.

The night they were murdered, they were out to dinner on their 16th anniversary. As they left the restaurant's parking lot, it is said by police that they were held at gunpoint as someone tried to steal their car. My father tried to drive away to safety but he was shot through the car window. The police then say the gunman panicked and didn't want anyone to find their bodies, so he set the car alight. Perhaps my mother was burned alive, there was only one bullet hole found.

They were everything to me, I had no siblings or other family.

I was never a normal girl anyway, I was an outcast, a freak and I only had one friend. His name was Jacob Black and I loved him so much. We were the best of friends and we had been since I can remember. After my parents died, he was the only one left, the only person I could trust and talk to. He was always there, I could always cry on his shoulder and he would always comfort me. He let me stay at his house as he didn't want me to go to a foster home.

It all changed when Brittany came along. She was of course a selfish, stuck-up slut, who had nothing better to do than to ruin people's lives. Mine being one of them. She hated me because I was different, I wasn't popular and I never listened to the right music, I never dressed in the right clothes. Jacob himself wasn't popular, but he was capable of socialising, unlike me. Brittany, suddenly decided that she liked Jacob and wanted him to be her boyfriend. They'd never even spoken to each other. Jacob seriously can't believe that Brittany actually likes him? I always knew that he had a thing for her, but I never thought that he liked her so much that he would do anything for her, including dumping me, his best friend.

When I confronted him, he told me that I was jealous of him for becoming popular, but I don't care about being popular, I told him, why would I be jealous of a whore like Brittany? He told me he couldn't be friends with me anymore, so I had to move out of his house. What?! How could he do this too me? He knew that he was all I had left. He knew I had no one else. He would honestly do that to me? What for Brittany? A tear fell down my cheek as he walked away.

That night I packed my clothes, the few belongs I had and left. I didn't know where to go, so I just kept walking. I was completely lost and I didn't care, I had just lost my best and only friend, what's the point of caring? It must of been hours past midnight, the artic wind was making me shiver violently. I wonder how far I had walked? The sun was beginning to rise, beautiful colours began to spread across the sky. Scarlet and a vivid amber teared it's away through the sky, it was like the sky was being set alite. I fell to the floor screaming, feeling all of my sorrow being unleashed onto me.

I remember those colours so vividly still to this day, two years later. I was moving to Forks, Washington, to live in another foster home. I had been with over twenty different foster families, I wasn't exactly a good teenager, lets say. I always got in trouble with the law, I've been arrested several times for theft, defacing public property and disorderly conduct. But I wasn't always caught, also I'd gotten away with arson, assault, aiding and abetting, drug possession and manslaughter. So in other words, I'm fucked up.

I was staying with Charlie Swan, Chief of Police in Forks, how lovely, I thought, I'm sure we will get along great! The social welfare people who put me with the foster families and looked after me when I wasn't with one, decided to put me with a copper, hoping that I could come to my senses and not break the law anymore. I doubted it.

After the shower, I changed and hurried out of the orphanage. They tried ever so hard to make the place bright and happy. Trying to make us forget that our parents are dead. I caught a bus to the airport, listening to my I-pod on the way. I flew from Seattle, the former place I was living in, to Port Angeles in a small plane. I walked through the tiny airport thinking of escape. I then saw a middle-aged man with short brown hair holding a sign saying Isabella Sparrow, he must be Charlie Swan.

I walked towards him in my black clothes and I saw him give me a disapproving look. Can't I wear black without people assuming I'm a goth, or assuming I was a trouble-maker? Okay, I might me a trouble-maker, but still? I'm not a goth and I like black.

"You must be Isabella," he said, emphasizing the "must" slightly.

"Yes, I'm Bella, it's nice to meet you Charlie," I said holding out my hand. He looked down at it questionly and slowly placed his hand in mine. I might break the law but I can still be polite. He led me out of the airport, to the outside car park, where the rain started to fall. We headed to his police cruiser, not an unfamiliar sight, and drove an hour to his home. Forks was a small town, but a pretty one. The main highway was surrounded by thick forests and you could see greenery everywhere. At least the greenery makes up for the colourless grey skies.

His house was white with two stories and again was surrounded by trees and thick undergrowth. He told me I was staying in his old daughter's room. I didn't feel very comfortable staying in his daughter's room but he insisted. He told me that she was several years older than myself and had gone backpacking across Europe with some of her friends. Her name was Emily and she hadn't been in this room since she was fourteen. Charlie told me that Emily's mother, Renee, divorced Charlie and she had been living with her mother most of her life.

It was clear from the untouched wedding photos of himself and Renee that he still loved her. After I had unpacked, he called me down to dinner. He ordered pizza and we shared it while we watched a game. I didn't watch much television, but it was clear Charlie enjoyed it.

"So, um..Bella," he said during a commercial. "Tomorrow you'll be starting at Forks High School, which I'm sure you'll find interesting." Interesting? Yeah, a bunch of stereotypical people who judge you in two seconds flat.

"Oh, that will be...great," I gave Charlie the best smile I could muster, but failed miserably.

"Look I know I don't know you very well, but to help you along your way I've bought you a car," A car? Seriously? I never get anything from any of the foster families, so a car was a bit of a shock.

"A car?" I said questioningly. Hmm, something wasn't right here.

"Yeah, I know it's a bit extreme, but there are a lot things that come with the car,"

"Oh," I simply said, I knew there was a catch.

"There will be no breaking the law of any kind, from what your record shows, I thought you needed a little levage to help you on your way," he said, so he's bribing me now?

"You'll be working for the car, taking a few shifts at the local hospital, the local cafe and you'll be tutoring some kids at school. I know from your grades that you are an excellent student, you just need to get your head down and concentrate. You'll be working for the car, and all the money you earn will go towards it. When you have earned enough money, you won't have to work as much. If you break any rules of the law, school or otherwise, I'll come down on you like a tonne of bricks and you'll say goodbye to your car. Do you understand?" he said.

"Yes, Charlie, I do," I said. I suppose it won't be that bad living in Forks I thought to myself sarcastically.

**Re-done. Tell me what you think.**

**Okay, so we learn from this chapter that Bella doesn't have any friends and doesn't trust anyone anymore. The thing with Jacob is really cheesy and annoying but I needed Bella to never trust anyone, or make any new friends. She is basically pretty fucked up and it gets worse, you'll find that out in chapters to come. **

**Please review and tell me what you think :D**


	2. Interuptions

BEEP BEEP BEEP. Go away! BEEP BEEP BEEP. I unwillingly opened my eyes and tried to figure out where the noise was coming from. BEEP BEEP BEEP. Shut up!! I saw an alarm clock on the bedside table and smashed it with my hand. That was not there last night. Charlie, you cheeky buger. At least I didn't dream, well I only have nightmares, one to be exact. I looked at the time, crap, late already. I was used to the first day, I've had so many, so they weren't a problem. They would always stare at you on the first day because you're something new to look at, by the second day, they don't know you exist. I never made any friends, what was the point? They'll just dump you and betray you like Ja-. Just forget about that stupid bastard.

Right, school, what am I wearing? Black jeans, a black As I Lay Dying hoodie, black combat boots, a white t-shirt and black leather gloves.**pics on profile** I liked the gloves, they were a clear sign saying "Don't mess with me,". I wonder what car Charlie got me? After I had washed, changed and eaten, I noticed a note stuck behind the front door.

Bella,

I hope you like your new car. I don't want any trouble, okay? The school is just off the main highway. The keys are on the kitchen counter. Good luck with your first day.

Charlie

I opened the front door and saw a beautiful black Audi A4. Wow, I liked this bribe.**pic on profile**

I grabbed the keys from the kitchen counter and raced to my new car. Wow, this is nice. It purred like a kitten and was amazing to drive. Forks High School was, as Charlie said, just off the main highway. It was only ten minutes away, which sucked as I didn't get enough driving time. The morning was foggy and the grey clouds wouldn't budge. I followed some of the cars to the student parking lot. I parked my car and saw some people staring at it. Great, and so the unwelcomed stares began. I pulled my hood over my head and made my way to the office. Where were the metal detectors? The chain-link fences? Did they really trust their students to not carry knifes or guns? It would appear so. The office was small, cosy and had many green plants spiralling up the walls, this room was Forks all over.

"Can I help you?" a women said. I walked up to the desk that the women was working behind. She gasped slightly as she looked at me. Am I that ugly? She then tried to hide her surprise by coughing, which only made it worse.

"Yes, I'm Bella Sparrow, I'm new here," I said. She began looking quickly through her paperwork, a little too quickly.

"Oh, yes, here is your schedule and a map of the school. Also, get this form signed by each of your teachers and bring it back here at the end of the day. Okay? Good luck," she said stuffing the sheets of paper in my hands.

_I wonder who is it today? Few students came to the office, some to say they were ill, some were going to the principal's office for bad behaviour. _

_"Can I help you?" I said, completing some paperwork before I looked up. I gasped to see a girl dressed in all black with a hood over her head staring at me. She was very pale, had thick black eyeliner on and a black lip ring. I saw a few strands of chestnut hair but they were mainly hidden by the black hood. As I Lay Dying, the text read on her jacket, what a gothic girl she is. _

_She must be that Isabella Sparrow who got sent to live with the Chief of Police. I heard she would of got sent to juevy if she didn't live with the Chief, she definitely was trouble, and I heard she got arrested several times. I hope he puts some sense into this miscreant, and some sense to her gothic clothing. I began to cough, trying to hide my gasp. It was still rude of me to gasp, especially at a student. _

_"Yes, I'm Bella Sparrow, I'm new here," she said. I began looking through my paperwork, I knew I put her schedule somewhere around here. I shuffled through my papers quickly, wanting her to leave as quickly as possible. She smelled faintly of alcohol and cigarette smoke, I bet she'll be hard work for Charlie. _

I took the sheets that she handed me and headed off. I studied the map, memorizing where the classrooms were so I didn't have the map stuck to my face all day long. I memorized it quickly, I was good at things like that, and headed off to my first class, which was Literature. Everyone turned to stare at me, to gaze at the new student. I hated this part of school, the staring. Why can't they back off? I entered my literature classroom, with all eyes on me. As I began to walk up to the teacher, I heard muttering and whispering.

"Eww, what a goth"  
"She has got to be that girl who got sent to live with the Chief"  
"I heard she got arrested"  
"Black is so not her colour"

See! Typical judgemental high school students. I laughed quietly. What else would I have expected? Nice, caring people, who liked you for you and not your appearance? I handed the teacher the form, who gawked at me when he saw my name. I only rolled my eyes.

"It's nice of you to join us Miss Sparrow. Please take a seat." he said. He gestured to the empty chair at the far back. He probably wants me as far away from him as possible, I don't mind, I like sitting at the back. Sitting at the back usually meant less unwelcomed stares, unfortunately it wasn't the case. Literature dragged on, I had already read all of the books, which included Bronte, Shakespeare, Chaucer and Faulkner. Next, I had Spanish. More unwelcomed stares. But this time, I stared them all down. They all shrank away after a while, to my pleasure. After Spanish, a girl named Jessica attempted a conversation.

"Hey, I'm Jess, it's nice to meet you," she said. What could I say? It wasn't nice to meet her so I didn't reply.

"So, your like Isabella Sparrow, aren't you?" she said. She actually had one of the MOST annoying voices that I have ever heard in my life.

"Bella," I replied.

"Oh right, Bella," she said nervously giggling. "So, where do you like come from?" I sensed a never-ending round of questions, where she would tried to suck out all the information out of me. I knew girls like her, whatever you would say to them, they would twist it just to make gossip.

"Where's the bathroom?" I asked. I needed a smoke.

"Oh, it's right down the hall," as soon as she finished I rushed down the hall. I found the bathroom and locked myself in one of the cubicles. I lit a cigarette and took a long drag. Wow, I needed that. Now, I need some alcohol, but I don't have any. O well, at least I have the smokes.

I heard some quiet sobbing in the cubicle next to me. I better see if they're okay. I took a last drag of my ciggie and flushed it down the toilet. I opened my cubicle and knocked on the door next to mine.

"Hey, are you okay in there?" I asked. I heard a fresh wave of sobs from the girl inside.

"Hey, open up, you want to talk about it?" I asked again. The sobs grew silent and the door began to open. A girl with mousey-brown hair whose eyes were blotchy and red appeared.

"Hi, I'm Bella, what's your name?" I asked.

"Angela," she replied. Her voice was quiet and weak, but I was just able to hear her.

"Are you okay, Angela?" I asked.

"I can't believe he did that to me, I just can't," she said sniffing.

"Who did what?" I said, handing her some tissues.

"Edward Cullen, h-he dumped m-me," she said, sobbing again. I hugged her and reassured her everything will be alright. Sometimes people just need some comfort.

"Tell me what happened,"

"Well, about a week ago, he asked me out on a date. It was amazing of course. I loved every microsecond. He was so lovely, he gave me roses and chocolates and everything. You know, I never believed what everyone said. That he was a player, he just seemed too nice. But, this morning I found him making-out with Lauren Mallory. I guess everyone was right and I was wr-WRONG," she sobbed again. Stupid bastard. I hated guys like Edward Cullen, they make you think you're are special, then within a week, they dump you like no tomorrow. I gave her another hug cursing Edward Cullen.

"It'll be okay, don't worry about it. There are plenty more birds in the sky,"

"B-birds in the sky?"

"Yeah, my parents used to say that to me all the time,"

"Used to? Do you mean they are...?"

"Dead? Yeah, they died a few years ago,"

"Oh, I'm s-sorry,"

"It's okay," I said. It wasn't okay though. How could it ever be okay?

"Well, we better get to class. What have you got next?"

"Math,"

"Me too, I spose this school really is that small, huh"

"Yeah, it is I guess,"

We walked to Math together and we sat next to each other to. Angela seemed like a lovely person, a bit shy perhaps, but nice all the same. Again, I stared down the questioning glares and got down to my work.

I had already done these sorts of quadratic equations, I completed them and took my I-pod from my bag. I chose Killswitch Engage - This Fire Burns. My head started banging to the infectious double-bass drums. I turned it up, nodding my head to the beat. I started to mouth the chorus, "Even through the darkest days, this fire burns, always, this fire burns always". Then the breakdown, and I nodded my head faster in time with the beat. "Even through the darkest days, this fire burns, always, this fire burns, always". I felt someone tap on my arm. I looked to see Angela, the teacher and everyone else staring at me. They probably think I'm retarded, randomly headbanging in the middle of Math class.**song on profile**

At least they didn't see my I-pod, it would of been confiscated most likely. Finally, Math ended and I headed off for my next lesson Philosophy. We had to write a 1000 word essay why God does, or does not exist. Obviously not, I mean look at me for example. Orphan at fifteen, with no friends or family, pregnant at sixteen, drunk, pierced, tatooed, smoking, doing drugs, breaking the law and killing people by seventeen. Look how "God" helped me.

I didn't write that of course, I wrote about how much people need something other than this life. People need something to look up to, something that is always there, always able to help you and the fact that people can't stand to be alone. I, however, love to be alone. I've always been that way. With other people, they can betray you, they can hurt you, so I chose not to have friends.

Afterwards, I headed off to the cafeteria for lunch. The food looked disgusting, like someone had just thrown it up and overcooked it. So I chose a Rome apple and sat on an empty table. Peace at least. I turned on my I-pod and chose Repeating Yesterday by As I Lay Dying, one of my favourite songs. I couldn't help tapping my fingers on the table and banging my head again. "This is what I am, This is what I have become, What is love without sacrifice" **song on profile- listen to it, it's amazing.**

About half way through the song, I felt someone tapping on my shoulder, I looked up to see a pixie-like girl with short black hair.

**I wonder who it is? Please review and tell me what you think :D  
Do not fear Edward Cullen is coming. lol **


	3. Eyes

Her mouth began to move, but I didn't hear a thing as my I-pod was still on full-blast.

"What?" I said, pulling out my earphones.

"Do you mind if we sit with you?" she asked smiling at me.

"Um, no, go for it," I said, the short pixie girl was joined by two guys and a girl. The first of the guys had dark hair like the pixie girl and was muscled like a serious weight lifter. The other guy had honey blond hair and was taller than first one. The girl had long golden hair and she was very beautiful, all of them were.

"I'm Alice Cullen, this is my brother Emmett and these are the Hales, Rosalie and Jasper," she firstly gestured to the dark-haired guy. He seemed very friendly and gave me a large grin. The girl, Rosalie gave me a smile and so did Jasper, I smiled back politely.

"Bella," I said. So they must be the siblings of Edward Cullen. Although, they do seem too nice to be brother and sister to that stupid bastard.

"Our brother, Edward usually joins us for lunch, if he's not making-out with some slut," she said.

"You seem too nice to be related to him," I muttered.

"Ha, ha, speak of the devil," I followed her gaze to a guy with untidy bronze coloured hair, who was just as beautiful as his siblings and the Hales. He was talking to a blonde slutty-looking girl, I think that's Lauren. I can see why Angela went out with him in the first place, he was pretty hot. But not everything is about appearance. Edward made-out with Lauren for a while, then came to our table. I took another bite of my apple and began scrolling down my I-pod for a new song.

"Ah, the forbidden fruit," he said. I just ignored him. Don't you just hate guys like him, who try to be charming, but then fail miserably.

"This is Bella," Alice said. "She's new here, so we thought we'd join her."

"It's nice to meet you Bella," he said, holding out a hand. I looked at it and then I looked at him. I quickly regreted it as I saw his green eyes. The same green eyes. The ones in my nightmare. I began freaking out and before I knew it I was running out of the cafeteria. Why did he have _his _eyes? Why? To torment me? Why now why here?

I flew to my car and sped out of the parking lot. I raced down the highway hoping that I could outrun my past that was catching up to me too quickly. I plugged in my I-pod and turned it up to the maximum volume, trying to silence the raging thoughts in my head.

Alice's POV

_Someone new will be sitting at our usual table. It must be Isabella Sparrow, the new student, I saw her face in my mind during 3rd Period. I suppose you can call me a sickick, I saw the future in my mind, in visions. I've only told my family about it though, I didn't want the entire student body thinking I'm a freak or asking me about their own future. The future isn't set, things change, I see the results of people's decisions, so when a person's decision change, so does the vision._

_I waited anxiously until lunch so I could greet Bella, that's what she likes to be called. I knew she would be nice. She was sitting with her feet on the chair and was wearing a black hoodie that was covering most of her face. She was tapping the table with her fingerless-gloved hands and her head was nodding up and down. I tapped her on her shoulder and she looked at me. She was wearing a lip ring, black eyeliner and had pale skin. _

_"Do you mind if we sit with you," I asked. _

_"What?" she asked, pulling out her earphones which I didn't see before._

_"Do you mind if we sit with you?" I repeated, giving a her a sweet smile, I knew she would say yes anyway. I could of just sat down, but I wanted to be polite._

_"Um, no, go for it," she looked at Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper, most probably wondering who they were, and who I was._

_"I'm Alice_ _Cullen, this is my brother Emmett," I said gesturing to him. "and these are the Hales, Rosalie and Jasper," I continued. Emmett gave Bella a large goofy grin, she didn't seem startled by his size, like many people. But then again, she didn't look the sort of person who would get scared easily. Rosalie and Jasper gave her more normal smiles, unlike Emmett, and she returned the favour. _

_"Bella," she said, then she looked as if she was working something out. More likely than not, she was thinking whether me and Emmett really were brother and sister to the infamous Edward Cullen. His name spread like wildfire, even to new students. _

_"Our brother, Edward usually joins us for lunch, if he's not making-out with someone," I said. Why was Edward such a player? Doesn't he know how many hearts he has broken?_

_"You seem too nice to be related to him," she muttered._

_I laughed at that. I can't remember the last time a girl ever spoke ill of him. It was a relief that not every girl was sucked in by my pathetic brother._

_"Speak of the devil," I said. I saw him with Lauren. God, what does he ever see in her? She's such a bitchwhore. Then he started sucking her face off, yuck. Great, now I couldn't eat lunch without throwing up. Finally, he stopped, how greatful my stomach was, I didn't know how much I could last. He came over to our table. Bella, thankfully, wasn't swooning at the sight of him as she took another bite of her apple and began playing with her I-pod. _

_"Ah, the forbidden fruit," he said. Was that meant to be flirtacious? Bella ignored him, how I was really beginning to like her. _

_"This is Bella, she's new here, so we thought we'd join her," I said. _

_"It's nice to meet you Bella," he said, holding out his hand. Edward really could be charming, every girl in the school wanted him, except myself and Rosalie. The problem was Edward liked a challenge and Bella was definitely was one. _

_She looked up from her I-pod to see Edward's face. The next this I knew had run out of the cafeteria. What the hell had just happened?_

_"What the hell was that about?" Emmett said. He, myself, Rosalie and Jasper all turned to Edward for some answers. _

_"Don't look at me, I didn't do anything," he said. He didn't look as if he was lying, I could always tell. My eyes went blank as I was having a vision. It was Bella in her car, she was driving down the highway at full speed, with tears streaming down her face. The vision ended, what had happened to her? I could see the future but not the past. It would of been helpful if I could. She looked really upset, I had never seen that amount of pain before, it frightened me._

_"Are you okay?" Jasper asked. He took my hand and I immediately felt better with his comfort. _

_"Yeah, I'm fine, it's Bella who isn't," _

_"What did you see, Alice?" Rosalie asked. _

_"I saw her, she's gone," I said, feeling my eyes beginning to water. What happened to her?_

Edward's POV

"Hey Lauren," I said and gave her my favourite crooked smile. I knew all the girls loved it, it literally makes them melt someone told me once.

"Hey Edward," she said attempting a seductive voice. I really didn't like Lauren, she had an annoying nasal voice and she was well, a slut. But she was hot and that's all Edward Cullen needs.

"You know I really like you Lauren," I lied, and began playing with her hair.

"Really?" she said believing me.

"Yeah and you know what?"

"What?"

"I really liked our little make-out session this morning," I said, she wouldn't of understanded me if I didn't explain fully, girls like Lauren never did.

"Me too,"

"You wanna do it again?"

"Yeah, totally! I mean yeah, I guess that would be okay," Lauren said with her nasal voice. I thankfully silenced her by slaming my mouth into hers. She smelt terrible, like she had drenched herself with cheap perfume. I pulled away after a while, not being able to hold my breath for much longer.

"Look, I'm going to go sit with my family for lunch, so I'll see you later," I headed my way over to our usual table leaving Lauren squealing and skrieking to her friends.

"Omg, did you see me? He is so HAWT. But then again so am I," I heard Lauren say, my sister was right she was a stupid selfish slut or a bitchwhore, another one of her phrases.

I noticed a new person in all black sitting at our table. No one ever sat at our table without an invitation. Must of been Alice. "Speak of the devil" I muttered as she started gazing at me. The girl then followed Alice's gaze to me. I looked at her dark ensemble. She was a new student, I hadn't seen her before. I remember what Alice was saying about the her after 3rd Period. She had a vision about her, apparently she was nice or something? Alice could see the future, not of all of it, because it changes of course, but she usually beats me at chess and stuff like that. Sometimes her peculiar little gift came in handy, Alice herself was of course little and handy.

I knew that the new student's name was Isabella Sparrow,or Bella as she prefered, everyone knew her name. Forks was a small town. She has come to Forks to live with Charlie Swan, the Chief of Police. Apparently she's been arrested a couple of times, she definitely looked like a challenge. Unlike the other girls, Bella took a bite of her apple and began searching through her I-pod, completely ignoring my presence. How strange, every other girl couldn't keep their eyes of me.

"Ah, the forbidden fruit," I said in my best flirtacious voice. I knew she had to fall for that, but strangely she didn't and continued ignoring me. I liked a challenge.

"This is Bella, she's new here, so we thought we'd join her," Alice said.

"It's nice to meet you Bella," I said holding out my hand for her to shake. I saw her look at it and then look at me. Her face quickly turned to fear as she looked into my eyes. Fear? This girl feared me? Her eyes widened and then she shot out of the cafeteria leaving her apple and her bag. What the hell? I had plently of girls chasing after me but running away from me? No, never. I sat there shocked and mainly confused. What had I ever done to her? I'd never even met her.

"What the hell was that about?" Emmett asked, thankfully breaking the uncomfortable silence that hovered over us as soon as Bella's departure. Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice all turned to me eith questioning looks. Are they accusing me of doing that to her?

"Don't look at me, I didn't do anything," I said. Alice glaring at me, trying to work out if I was lying. God, I only just met her, how could I have that much of an effect on her? Suddenly her eyes went blank, it only happens when she was having a vision. I wonder what she saw, it would be useful to see what she was. After a few seconds, she came back from seeing her vision and she looked really upset, like she saw something disturbing.

"Are you okay?" Jasper asked placing his hand on hers.

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's Bella who isn't," Alice said. What did she mean by that? She must of seen Bella in her vision, but what about Bella?

"What did you see, Alice?" Rosalie asked, I was about to ask her the same thing. We waited anxiously for her to answer.

"I saw her, she's gone," Alice finally said with a tear in her eye.

**Please Review. This Chapter took me a bit longer to write but I Hope you like it.  
Tell me what you think, I am completely open to all opinion.  
Keep reading. It will get better. I don't like rushing a story and making everything happen to quickly, then it sounds all cheesy.**

**Thankyou so much for those of you who have reviewed and have alerted me. I was bombarded with them yesterday which was fun, so please bomb away :D**


	4. Memories

**Sorry, I had a really big writer's block yesterday and tonight I just went to see Journey's End, which is a play that was actually amazing.  
Some parts I like, some I don't. I'll try to write the next chapter so it will be up by tomorrow. **

"Morning Waits" by As I Lay Dying was playing. It was helping me from thinking, helping me to block anything in my mind. The shattering double-bass drums gave me no chance of hearing my thoughts. The sheer amount of bass was making the entire car vibrate as I sped down the highway. I felt it reverberating through my chest, it was as if the whole in my chest was being filled. My wounds were being healed. I was in heaven, I was in my element. I loved this so much. I began screaming with the lyrics.

All along it was me who changed.  
Morning now waits for me.  
All along it was me.  
What I have to gain does  
not matter if what I give  
is all to you.  
If what I give is all to you.  
I have seen the stars fall  
And the sun rise again,  
But You are yet to change.  
You are all that is worth living for.

I couldn't even hear myself, even though I was screaming as loud as I could possibly manage. The song quietened signalling the end. I slowed the car gradually like the song and then came to a halt with the brakes screeching in protest. I had to think, it was inevitable, I could prolong it no more. I couldn't keep running like this. Where would I go? "_Far away from those eyes," _I muttered to myself.

I closed my eyes, the past began to flood my mind.

Flashback

_"Get away from me!" I screamed at the stranger. He had followed me from the party I had just been to. I always went to parties, no one knew me, I didn't know them. It was just a way to enjoy myself. Getting pissed out of my mind made me feel so much better, it made me forget. That night was no different, __I was pissed, __alone, like I always was, and vunerable. _

_"Now why would I want to do that?" the stranger whispered. My legs began to shake in fear as I saw the knife he had just pulled from his pocket. I couldn't run, I couldn't move, my muscles would not respond. He started to advance, I had no weapon, I had nothing to protect myself with, fucking great. It's funny how I can laugh at myself when I'm about to die. _

_He held the stainless steel to my throat and grabbed my arms. He slammed his mouth onto mine, I didn't respond, I only waited. I was waiting for him to either let me go, which didn't seem likely or to slit my throat. I didn't care at that point, I welcomed death like an old friend. But I had never had an old friend, neither did death welcome me. He let go of my arms placing them round my waist, meaning the knife was no longer on my throat. I thought at that moment that I had to get away from him right then and there, without the threat of the knife on my oesophagus._

_"Help!" I shrieked, attempting escape. I tried to kick and punch him, but his grasp did not loosen. "He-," I tried to scream again. Anyone help! Please! H__e shoved his hand over my mouth and again placed the knife at my throat. _

_"Just do it," I said angrily. Tears began to roll down my cheeks. "Look at me!" I said after I got no response from him, the stranger then looked into my eyes for the first time. His eyes were beautiful, even near death, I couldn't help but notice their sheer beauty. His iris's were lined with a deep myrtle green which lightened into a dark jade and then to emerald._

_"Kill me! Just do it! Just slit my throat! I don't care anymore!" I screamed at him. His eyes were filled with bewilderment and confusement, mine were filled with a new oncoming wave of fresh tears. _

_"Come on!" I shouted. There seemed to be some hint of compassion in his eyes, a sense of humanity. _

_"Don't try that fucking reverse pyschology crap on me," I grabbed his hand holding the knife and pushed onto my neck._

_"Does this look like reverse pychology to you?" I said. He hesitated for a moment, everything stayed at the same speed but the adrenaline in my body had heightened my senses and I could react faster, I could see things more quickly. Having control of the knife, I slashed it across his neck, causing him to look at me in his final moment before he fell to the ground. I saw his eyes go blank, I saw the ending of his life, just in his eyes. I didn't know how long I stood there looking at his body before I ran away. It could of been hours or seconds, time seemed irrelavent. _

_I had just taken a life, I had just watched a person die right in front of me, I had just stood there and watched his blood rush down his neck. I had just witnessed his eyes just freezing and going blank._

End of Flashback.

I sat in my car, just staring at nothing, just losing my sight in reality. I wiped the tears from my eyes and turned on the car's engine. I made my way back to the high school, which took me a while, I never realised I drove that far. On the way back, I had a smoke, keeping it out of the window in case Charlie smelt it. I looked at the radio clock, I had managed to miss the rest of lunch and the first twenty minutes of 5th period. I parked my car in the same spot and turned the engine off taking a deep breath. As I looked for my schedule I realised that I had left my bag in the cafeteria. I made my way over to the cafeteria, flinging my cigarette butt, hoping that the Cullens hadn't taken my bag to the office. Then I would have to explain where I went, which was something I'd rather not discuss with judgemental, gasping receptionists.

Yes! They had left my bag under the table. I took out my schedule and saw that I should be having Biology with Mr. Banner. Excuse, excuse, I need an excuse. I felt sick, no, I had a stomach ache, yes, it was that time of the month, even though it wasn't. I opened the door and headed for the teacher's desk with the form that needed to be signed by all of my teachers. The room was silent, I hated being the centre of attention, stop fucking looking at me I wanted to scream!

"It's nice of you to join us, um, Miss Sparrow, do you have a late pass?" Mr. Banner asked as he looked and signed the form.

"No, I don't but I had a really bad stomach ache, you know female things," I said. His eyes widened as I said this.

"Oh right, of course, please, cough, please take a s-seat," he stuttered, I wanted to laugh at him, whenever I used the "female things" card, they had no power and could do nothing, but with female teachers you didn't need to say "female things" anyway. Men eh?

I searched the room for an empty seat, with glares following me everywhere. Unfortunately the only empty seat happened to be next to Cullen. Why does everything shitty happen to me? I mean what are the chances of me being in the same class as Edward and the only empty seat was next to him aswell. Is someone out to get me or something?

I took my seat next to Edward, who was giving me some funny looks. I didn't look at him though, I didn't want another emotional breakdown. Mmmm breakdowns, don't you just love them? (A/N as in music breakdowns not emotional ones)

"Are you okay?" Edward asked. To my absolute pleasure Mr. Banner heard him.

"Mr. Cullen, please don't talk in my class or you will be sent to the principal's office," he said. Wow, I think I have a new favourite teacher. Unfortunately, Edward wasn't giving up and started to write something on a piece of paper. He handed me the note, hmmm, should I just rip it up? Maybe I should just give it to Mr. Banner. No I'm not that horrible. I was filled with curiosity and decided to read it.

Are you okay? What happened? Should I write back? Well I had nothing better to do. Mr. Banner's mouth was moving but I heard nothing.

_I'm fine, I just remembered I had to take some pills that I left at Charlie's house _I passed him the note and watched his face as he read it. He looked confused and slightly sad. What the hell was wrong with him?

Look I know something is up, please, I can help you I laughed as I read it.

_So you're helping people now? And why would the Forks High playboy do that? _

I can help you, can you just talk to me about it? 

_I'll tell you if you tell me something. _

Deal. What is it? 

_How could you do that to her? _

I'm sorry who? 

_Angela _

Oh right, her 

_You are such a bastard. Do you even know much you hurt her? _

Well no, but we weren't going anywhere anyway. 

_Exactly _He didn't reply for a while after that, he looked hurt and I wanted to rub it in.

_You've never had your heart broken have you? _I watched as he held his pen above the note, he didn't put anything for a long time. In the end he only put no.

_Well I have and it's like someone ripping your fucking heart out and then setting fire to what's left_

The class finally ended and I rushed to my next class which was Gym. I hated Gym, it was all about eye co-ordination, which I didn't have. I could run though, something you needed to know if you're someone like me.

Being the first day, the coach told me I didn't have to play basketball. How glad I was. Another misfortune from Biology had carried on to Gym, yes Edward Cullen was in my Gym class. What was up with the stupid bastard? I was shocked to see that his expression looked so sad, it was as if his dog had just died. I never knew playboys had emotion. Maybe he was different. I doubt it.

I listened to my I-pod and doodled on my notepad with a black pen. I didn't realise until the end of the class that I had drawn a large eye across my page. I screwed it up and through it on the floor on my way out, not caring where it went.

I made my home glad that my first day at Forks High had ended.

**Hope you liked it, I know some parts are crap but it WILL get better, trust me. **

**  
Reviews make my day and they are really helpful when I write so please give me your opinion. All is welcome.  
BTW do you want Edward's POV of what happened in this chapter to be the next chapter or should I have the rest of Bella's day in the next chapter??**


	5. Realisation

Edward's POV

"I saw her, she's gone," Alice said with a tear in her eye.

We sat in silence for ten minutes, an unmovable tension hung over us like Forks clouds. While Alice was putting on some lip balm, she dropped it onto the dirty cafeteria floor.

"Shoot," she muttered. "Ooo, Bella left her bag here, I wonder what's inside,"

"Hey, I don't think she'd appreciate it if we went through her things," I said. We don't even know her and we are going to look through her bag?

"Well I'm curious, who else want to see what's inside?" Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie all raised their hands, I was out numbered. I knew it wasn't right but I was pretty curious. Alice began to empty the contents of Bella's bag onto the table. Some pens, a notebook, normal school stuff basically. Then she found a sketchbook and began to look through it.

"Oh my god, these are amazing," she passed it to Jasper then to Rosalie and Emmett, they all had the same shocked look on their face. They couldn't be that good, could they? But as Emmett passed me the sketchbook and I began to look through it, I felt the same shocked expression form across my face. They were breathtaking.

The first drawing was of the sky, Forks sky in fact. It looked like a photo, the detail was unbelievable. So Bella was an artist? And a good one at that. The next was of a beautiful tree, the next few were nature related. The best drawing was of a face, the girl looked so real that I felt she would start speaking to me from the page.

"Wow, she's a composer aswell," I saw Alice look at pages and pages of sheet music. I took some and looked at it. Maybe I could play this at home, I haven't played the piano in a couple of years but I wanted to know what it sounds like. Lunch ended and we started putting everything back. When they weren't looking I stuffed a song of Bella's into my bag. I was curious to see if Bella was a good of a composer she was an artist.

"Hey Alice, should we leave her bag here or take it to the office?" I said. I got no reply. "Alice?" her eyes were blank again, but a few seconds later a smile spread across her face.

"No, Bella really wouldn't like that," Alice giggled and the smile grew larger. It was clear from her face that Bella was fine, it was almost as if she was laughing at Bella.

"Is Bella okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, she's coming back here, in 21 minutes 43 seconds, 41 seconds," Alice said. Lunch had ended and everyone was heading for class. I picked up Bella's bag to take to the office, when Alice grabbed my arm.

"Hey, leave her bag here, okay?" I placed the bag back under the table where Alice had found it in the first place and headed to Biology.

Mr. Banner, my god, is it me or is his mouth moving without anything coming out. I looked at the clock, five minutes until Bella arrives. I had to cope another 300 seconds before Bella would make this class more interesting.

Bella was different, I knew that, but from the music and the drawings, it was definitely in a good way. She seemed so much more interesting than the boring sluts like Lauren who only talk about make-up, hair and does this top make me look fat? I hope she is okay, that look she gave me before she ran out of the cafeteria was one of the most haunted looks I've ever seen. I haven't even met her and then she just runs the second she looks at my eyes. Why can't I stop thinking about her? Oh yeah, the fact that it was my fault that she had run away. Sometimes I am such an asshole. Oh my god, did I just call myself an asshole? Something is happening to me.

I looked at the clock again, if Alice was right she should come in the room in five, four, three, two, one. At that moment, the door opened and a dark figure entered the room, wearing all black. Wow, Alice was amazing. She looked at the staring students as if she was about to scream at them. Did I really affect her that badly?

"It's nice of you to join us, um, Miss Sparrow, do you have a late pass?" Mr. Banner asked Bella as he signed the form.

"No, I don't but I had a really bad stomach ache, you know female things," Bella said. Mr. Banner's eyes widened, so did mine. Stomach ache? A stomach ache would make her run away like that and make her cry? She must of been lying.

"Oh right, of course, please, cough, please take a s-seat," Mr. Banner stuttered, stupid old man. I saw Bella smile slightly before she scanned the room for an empty seat. Gladly the only available seat was next to mine. I wanted to know what happened to her. She saw the empty seat and her face fell. What had I done to her? She seriously couldn't be that upset to sit next to me. I just can't accept that. No, it couldn't of been me. Could it? She took the seat next to me and didn't even look at me. I stared at her. She seemed very uncomfortable sitting next to me and I tried to read her expression. She seemed sad for a moment, like she was remembering something that she didn't want to. Then her expression lightened slightly. She was a mystery and I wanted to know everything about her.

"Are you okay," I asked. Unfortunately the stupid old man heard me.

"Mr. Cullen, please don't talk in my class or you will be sent to the principal's office," Mr. Banner said. On with the threats old man. Bella seemed pleased at his words. It was clear she wasn't going to talk, so I sent her a note.

Are you okay? What happened? She took a while to write back, probably deciding whether or note to write back.

_I'm fine, I just remembered I had to take some pills that I left at Charlie's house_ She replied, why was she lying to me. I haven't even down anything to her. Why couldn't she trust me? I was upset at her words, I knew she didn't go to Chief Swan's house because of Alice.

Look I know something is up, please, I can help you Bella laughed when she read this, which gained a few horrible glares from people, which were unnoticed by Bella.

_So you're helping people now? And why would the Forks High playboy do that? _I was taken aback when I read that. Forks High playboy? Okay, I'm a player but playBOY?

I can help you, can you just talk to me about it? I really wanted to know what happened to her, so I can stop blaming myself.

_I'll tell you if you tell me something. _

Deal. What is it? 

_How could you do that to her? _

I'm sorry who? 

_Angela _

Oh right, her 

_You are such a bastard. Do you even know much you hurt her? _

Well no, but we weren't going anywhere anyway. 

_Exactly _I didn't reply for a while after that, I never realised how much I had actually hurt Angela, I never think of my ex's, only my current girlfriends or my soon-to-be ones.

_You've never had your heart broken have you? _I held my pen above the note, not putting anything for a long time. I wasn't sure what to put.

No I simply put. That was the truthful answer, the only answer.

_Well I have and it's like someone ripping your fucking heart out and then setting fire to what's left_ I stared at her words for so long I thought I might burn a hole through it. Class ended and Bella rushed out leaving me with the note. I felt like sitting there forever, trying to ignore what Bella had just written. How many hearts have I broken? Many, I didn't keep track of the girls I dumped, I just treated them like shit, when I got bored of them I just chucked them away.

"Mr. Cullen, I know how enthusiatic you are about Biology, but can you please get to your next class?" Mr. Banner said. I looked up from the note and saw the whole class empty. How long have I been there? I headed off to the Gym, today we were doing basketball. Although I prefer football, I really wasn't up for it. All I kept thinking about was Bella's note and what she had written.

Halfway through the first game, I saw Bella sitting on the stands. So she's in my Gym class aswell? She was drawing again while listening to her I-pod. I wonder what she was drawing now? Suddenly a basketball slammed into my face, ouch! What the hell?

"Wake up Cullen!" Coach shouted at me. I tried my hardest to concentrate on the flying balls, but my mind was somewhere else. The way she described a broken heart, is that actually what it felt like? I couldn't imagine it, I wouldn't want to know what it felt like and there I was breaking hearts every week.

I was glad when Gym had finally ended I wanted to go to bed and try to forget the note.

"Cullen?" Coach called out to me when I was heading for my car.

"Yeah, coach?"

"Is everything okay? You were playing pretty bad out there today," Coach asked me.

"Yeah, I just got a lot on my mind,"

"Yeah, right," Coach said, he laughed as he walked away. I saw Bella make her way out of the Gym and she chucked a bit of paper onto the floor. After she was out of sight I picked it up. It was a drawing of an eye which was a very good one again. I decided to take her drawing, seeing as she did just chuck it on the floor. Why would she waste something so beautiful?

I headed to my silver Volvo, where I found Alice, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper waiting beside it.

"What took you so long?" Alice asked. I unlocked the car and everyone got in.

"Coach was, um, talking to me," I said. Well, it was partially true.

"Make sure you give us the keys next time bro," Emmett said. "You know, before we freeze our asses off,"

"Now that would be a sight wouldn't it Emmett? Watching your ass being frozen," Rosalie said. Emmett and Rosalie had been going out for a couple years now, same with Alice and Jasper. It is always clear that they love each other. I've had plenty of girlfriends, sure, but love? Never.

When we got home, I turned some music on full blast and stayed in my room all night. I couldn't stop thinking about Bella. About what she wrote. I need to tell her I'm sorry, that I didn't realise how I hurt people like Angela, that I would never want to break someone's heart.

**Question to YOU - Is the pace I'm going at too slow? Should I speed up or what? Your advice is very helpful, so please give it to me :D**

**Wow this morning, I had about 20 reviews, alerts and favs. It was amazing! Please review away.  
For those who aren't clear about it, Bella ran from the canteen because she saw Edward's green eyes, the same coloured eyes of the guy she killed. She got freaked out and ran. **


	6. Assumptions

Bella's POV

I drove my car back to Charlie's house, gladly he wasn't in yet. I did some homework while listening to some In Flames (A/N they are a great band :D). I didn't really care if I got anything wrong, I tried I suppose.

Charlie and I had other takeout and it didn't look as if the man could cook. We ate while watching another game again, I wasn't really watching it, I was just staring at the screen until Charlie interrupted my daydream.

"So, Bella, how was your first day?" he asked.

"It was okay," I lied. It was terrible, what with all the stares, I get Edward Cullen as my lab partner.

"No trouble right?" Now, how can you get into trouble on your first day of school in this boring town?

"Nope," I said, I wasn't lying this time.

"Good," He looked back to the screen again, he wasn't very verbose like me. We watched the rest of the game in comfortable silence. I was making my way up the stairs when Charlie started talking to me.

"Oh Bella, I almost forgot, tomorrow you will be starting work at the local cafe from 5 til 10, you know, to work for the car," How could I forget? I had worked in a cafe a few times before, when I was desperate for money. At the moment I had a couple grand, you need your own money when you haven't got any parents. The Social Services didn't really give you anything. I made my way upstairs and laid on my bed.

Don't you just hate Edward Cullen? I mean how could he go round like that and break people's hearts? Doesn't he realise how much he hurts people? If he did, if he knew what it felt like, to feel it everyday, to feel your heart aching to be healed every second you are awake.

If only he could feel my pain. It would stop him from hurting anyone else.

Why did that bastard have green eyes? WHY? Why the same fucking eyes? How am I meant to look at him without having a flashback? Stupid fucking bastard.

I stayed some of the night writing some more songs, I think I'm missing one though. I had pages and pages of music, I suppose there was no surprise I had lost one. I couldn't sleep, knowing what was waiting for me. Halfway through the night, I sneaked downstairs and took a beer from the frigde. I don't think Charlie would notice, and he didn't hear me which was no surprise, that man had the loudest snore I had ever heard.

I needed something stronger than beer, preferably vodka. I needed to get some. I grabbed my keys and climbed out of the window. I began climbing down a tree, whose branches were convieniently next to the window. I drove slowly out of the driveway and picked up speed further down the street. I headed for the local gas station, which was the nearest place that sold alcohol. I decided to fill my car with gas seeing as I was at a gas station. I headed into the small convienient store and paid for my gas, I headed for the alcohol section and took five litre bottles of Blue Ice Vodka. The shop assistant was giving me funny looks as I headed for the counter. I took out my fake ID and gave it to him.

"That'll be 95.99, Miss Thompson" he said. I gave him the money and he clicked open the till. Fuck, look at that money, there must of been a good couple of grand in there. Surely that can't be safe? But then again, why would there be crime in such a small town like this?

"Thanks," I said as I picked up the bags. I headed back to Charlie's house and had a smoke on the way. I really didn't want to go back to school tomorrow, especially with Cullen there. Well, the rest of the Cullens seemed lovely, aswell as the Hales. They seem nice, but they could be exactly like Jacob, a best friend at first then they betray you the next.

I parked my car as quietly as I could, then I climbed the tree again. This time with difficulty as I was carrying five bottles of vodka. Eventually I made it into my room with just a few scraps.

I drank only one bottle, I wanted to save the other bottles for school, when I truly needed them. The hours passed quite quickly and I heard Charlie eventually leave for work. I slowly got ready for school, having a good hour until I needed to be there.

I took a while getting ready and finally chose a black jacket, some long black trousers (A/N or pants if you're american), a black All That Remains t-shirt and a black beanie hat. I also put on my black leather gloves again. I decided that I would strap my knife to my black army boots that I would also wear. I loved my KA-BAR (type of knife), it's an antique actually and it has saved my skin more times than I care to remember. (all pics on profile),

I ate a granola bar on my outside, where it was pouring of rain. I loved the rain, I didn't know why, I just wanted to run around getting soaked. I made my way to school, even though I was half an hour early, I wanted to enjoy the rain before it stopped, the weather was unpredictable here and the rain could stop at any moment. I parked in the same spot I did the day before and saw that I was the only one there.

I got out of my car and climbed on to the top of it. I layed on top of the roof of the car for a while. I closed my eyes and imagined what my life could of been like, with parents and friends. People don't realise how lucky they are, they don't realise that at any moment their happiness can be taken away from them in a blink of an eye. I would give anything to bring my parents back, to reverse their deaths, but I couldn't and could never bring them back.

"Bella?" I opened my eyes and looked round to see a silver volvo parked next to me, with the Cullens and the Hales getting out of it. Alice had seen me on top of the roof. I quickly jumped off my roof realising the majority of the students had arrived.

"You okay Bella?" Alice asked me. I took my bag, which contained a bottle of Blue Ice and some smokes, from my car and locked it.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I erm like the rain," I replied. I saw Edward lock his car aswell and he headed for class. He seemed sad like yesterday. Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett, all headed for class aswell, the rain would drench them if they stood about any longer. I was already drenched so I didn't care.

"So I see," Alice said. "By the way, I'm having a party on Friday, you wanna come?" she gave me a large grin as if she could already tell I would say yes.

"Oh yeah sure," this meant loud music and booze, two of my favourite things.

"Yes!" she squealed. She clapped her hands together and her already large grin widened somehow. We took cover in the cafeteria for a few minutes while Alice talked to me.

"Do you wanna stay over after the party aswell?" Alice asked me. I wasn't really sure what to do. I've said barely a few sentences to her and she is already asking me round her house. What's up with that?

"Erm, I dunno," I said. "I'll think about it." Alice seemed very disappointed but I wasn't going to start staying over people's houses, I wasn't in the mood to socialise. Well, I usually wasn't anyway.

Literature was boring, we started to study Romeo and Juliet, yippee. I hated that book. Romeo and Juliet were so stupid, they irritated me in every way possible. We would be studying it for a couple of weeks, how much I would enjoy Literature.

Spanish and Math passed without incident. There were few glares today, everyone had gathered that I don't talk to people and/or I'm a freak, so they backed off. After Math, I decided to use my locker for the first time, my books were pretty heavy after all. I remembered the gasping receptionist giving it to me yesterday. I took out the bit of paper and eventually found it. It tried to open it a few times but it wouldn't bugde, so I punched it with my gloved hands. The corridor went silent and everyone stared at me. What? It's called a crappy locker. I stuffed my books into my locker, ignoring the glares again. I slammed my locker after I had finished and headed over to Philosophy. On my way, I saw Angela, I was about to talk to her when a guy just started making out with her, and he wasn't Edward.

"Angela?" I asked. They broke away from the kiss and looked at me. Angela gave me a friendly smile.

"Oh hey Bella, what's up?" Angela said innocently enough.

"Whose this?"

"This is Ben, he's my boyfriend,"

"Your boyfriend? What about Edward?" What the hell? She had already moved on? It hasn't even been a whole day yet for fuck's sake.

"Well as he said, we weren't really going anywhere with our relationship, so I moved on. I am so glad I did," she turned to the guy and kissed him on the cheek. he blushed slightly and she did this.

"So, you weren't really in love with Edward then?"

"Oh no, of course not, I was never in love with him,"

"Oh, but yesterday you seemed so upset,"

"I guess, that was just the heat of the moment sort of thing," So I had made out to Edward that he'd broken her heart when in fact she wasn't even in love with him. I felt a wave a guilt come over me, I think I should apologise to him, for what I said to him. I was pretty harsh especially about the broken hearts bit, when Angela didn't even love him.

In Philosophy we were studying and discussing if religion is overall good for the world or bad. How fun. I wasn't religious and I hated religion but there were quite a few Christians in my class. Finally it was lunch. I bought another apple again, what with the skanky food. I sat alone again until I was joined by the Cullens and the Hales. Edward didn't even look at me. I couldn't of hurt him that bad? I mean he was a player, right?

"Hey Bella," Emmett said with a large grin, these Cullens couldn't stop smiling could they?

"Hey Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice," I paused for a moment, "Edward." Everyone greeted me back, except for Edward. Fine sulk, see if I care.

"So you wanna stay round after the party?" Alice said. I might aswell, I mean I'll get slaughtered (drunk) anyway, I don't think I'll be able to drive back.

"Sure, why not?" I said smiling. Smile? Did I just smile? I haven't smiled that widely for a long time, it actually hurt to smile.

"Yes!" Alice squealed again. She started ranting about the food, the music, the clothes.

"So should I have a fancy dress party?" Alice asked me.

"Erm, I dunno, do you normally have fancy dress parties?" The last time I went to a fancy dress party was when Jacob and I celebrated Halloween when we were twelve. It was the best party I had ever been too.

"Well, I thought we could do something different for a change," Alice said. It would definitely be different.

"Okay, is there going to be a theme?"

"What about mythological creatures?"

"Yeah, that sounds great," I said. I already knew what I was going to be, a vampire of course, but not your average vampire. We spent the rest of lunch talking about what costumes we should wear.

"I think you should be Big Foot, Emmett," Rosalie teased. I'm sure Emmett didn't really need a costume to be Big Foot, he was big enough already.

"Well I think you should be a mermaid," Emmett said. Rosalie could pull off anything with her looks, she was clearly the most beautiful girl in our school, but she didn't brag about it or anything. Alice came next and for the guys, Edward unfortunately, then Jasper, then Emmett. Me? I was well down the list.

"Okay then Big Foot,"

"Okay then mermaid," In the end Alice decided to be Moricia from the Adam's family and Jasper Gomez. They would look amazing what with Alice's pale skin and black hair, Jasper, well, I couldn't wait to see him with a moustache.

"So what are you going to be?" Alice asked me.

"It's a surprise," I said, laughing. Alice gave me those irratating puppy dog eyes. She huffed when I ignored her. I looked back at her and she just stared back at me.

"Alice?" I said. Finally she shook her head and smiled.

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I just remembered that I forgot my Math homework, bummer," she was lying I could tell, I think anyone could tell. The end of lunch came swiftly after Alice's little phase out. Great Biology. Edward didn't look up from the table once. He just stared at it and didn't talk.

I went to Biology and sat down next to him. God what was up with him? Should I tell him? Or should I just wait? I decided to wait as Mr. Banner started to explain today's lesson.

"Okay class, the Red Cross is having a blood drive in Port Angeles next weekend, so I thought you should all know your blood type," no, no, NO! Not again. I had to get out of there before I had a panic attack.

"Mr. Banner, I already know my blood type, please can I leave the class?"

"Are you feeling faint Miss Sparrow?"

"Yes sir,"

"Okay, Mr. Cullen, can you please take Miss Sparrow to the nurse," It was too late. I began to hyperventilate, I started to tremble and felt burning sensations on my neck. The room started spinning and everything went black. My body had shut it self down before the past had forced its way through.

I woke up with a start and felt incredibly sweaty. Edward was right by me and so was what appeared to be the school nurse.

"Take it slowly, Miss Sparrow, you just had a panic attack," the nurse explained to me. "I'll get you some water," which left Edward and myself alone in the room.

"Okay, I want to breath slowly through your nose. Not your mouth okay," Edward said, I did what he told me.

"Okay, now exhale very slowly," After a few minutes of doing this, I felt a lot better.

"How do you know what to do?" I asked curiously.

"I used to have quite a few panic attacks when I was younger," I felt better knowing that he had been through what I just have, that he had some experience as it were. The nurse came in with some water, which I drank gratefully.

"You feeling better?" the nurse asked me.

"Yes thankyou," I sat up slowly and covered my face with my hands. I've had a few panic attacks before, it's one of the most frightening experiences you could ever have. I stood up slowly but my legs were too weak and I started to fall. Thankfully Edward caught me and placed me back on the bed.

"Thanks," I said smiling slightly at him. He smiled back at me aswell. I avoided his eyes and just looked down at the floor.

"Is it okay if you excuse myself and Bella from Gym?" Edward asked the nurse.

"Yes, of course, I'll tell Ms. Cope," the nurse left the room and came back with a wheelchair. Was that really necessary? Edward helped me onto the chair and wheeled me to the parking lot.

"Crap, my bag," It wouldn't be a good thing if someone found the vodka.

"I'll go get it," Edward said. He ran back to Biology and retrieved my bag, which was nice of him. He loaded me into his silver Volvo and started to drive me back to Charlie's house.

"What about my car?" I asked Edward.

"I'll get Alice to drop it off after school," Edward replied. We stayed silent for a few minutes.

"Thanks for doing this,"

"No problem," Again an awkward silence fell over us.

"Look I'm really sorry about yesterday, I didn't mean to say what I did,"

"Sorry? What have you got to be sorry about? I'm the one who should be sorry,"

"It's just, I made it out that you were this big heart-breaker, but in fact you're not,"

"What do you mean I'm not?"

"Well, Angela, was kinda caught up in the moment when she saw you and Lauren, you know, making out, and I made out that you broke her heart, but you didn't,"

"Oh,"

"She's actually got a boyfriend now,"

"Oh, um, right," we had pulled up to Charlie's house now. He got of the Volvo and took the wheelchair from the backseat. He smelt really nice, it wasn't a cheap aftershave or anything, although I couldn't recognise it.

"Can I try walking?" I asked. The wheelchair honestly wasn't that comfortable and I was sure that my legs have recovered.

"Sure," he said. I slowly got of the car and took a few steps. My legs seemed to of recovered until I started falling again. Edward saved my fall again and helped me the rest of the way. He sat me down on the sofa and he sat down in Charlie's armchair.

"So, you're going to our party?" Edward asked after a while.

"Yeah, I love parties, they help me forget all the bad things," I said, I was surprised when I told him the truth. I can't trust him now, just because he saved me from falling flat on my face, twice.

I felt so helpless, I didn't have control of anything anymore. I couldn't even go through Biology without having stupid panic attacks. I needed someone I could talk to, to just get it off my chest, instead of keeping it locked up. Why did Jacob do that to me? Now I have no one, I can't trust anyone without the risk of them betraying me just like Jacob.

Why does everything bad happen to me? Why couldn't I just have a good life? Why did my parents die? Why did I lose everything?

I felt tears running down my face and before I knew it, I was crying my heart out. I felt Edward's arms go around me and I hung on to him. I began screaming and sobbing at the same time while being clutched into his arms. I tried to skriek everything out of me, to rid myself of all the pain and guilt. He held onto me like he would never lot go and so did I. Wave after wave of sorrow struck me like nothing I had ever felt before. I was drowning in it, everything started fading. I couldn't feel my arms or my legs, my shrieks began to quieten and I was losing my sight.

The darkness had invaded me again and the night consumed me.

**Sorry I couldn't update yesterday. This one is a lot longer though.  
Please tell me what you think. All opinion is welcome.**

**I've made a trailer for this fanfic, it's a bit boring but you may be in it :D Well some of your reviews will be :D  
****Sorry I couldn't get you all in :( I love each and every one of your reviews so please continue. Go to my profile to check it out :D**


	7. Connection

**I OWE YOU A BFA, as in a Big Fat Apology! I've had loads of coursework :( but I've finally done my english and my RS, I have some more in the tuesday but it can wait. Hope you enjoy it.**

Edward's POV

"Edward get up!" Emmett shouted. I moaned, I didn't want to go to school today. I couldn't face Bella, or anyone for that matter, not after what she said.

"Get out of bed or we'll be late and trust me you don't want to be late today," Alice said. What was she going on about? She was in her own little world Alice. I got ready not caring what I looked like and got in my Volvo. We picked up Rosalie and Jasper along the way, who were soaking wet, which amused me. I made my way to school blocking out their conversations. I didn't get much sleep last night, I was mostly thinking about Bella. Today in Biology I was going to apologise to her and I would make sure that she would see me apologising to Angela aswell.

"Hey park next to that black car over there," Alice said as I was pulling into the parking lot. I looked at the car and saw someone on top of it.

"Is someone on top of it?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's Bella," I parked the car and saw her. She seemed to be concentrating on something, but what? So many questions unanswered! Why was this girl such a mystery? And why the hell did I like mysteries so much? The rain was falling onto her, although she didn't care, I think she liked it.

"Bella?" Alice asked. She had got out of the car and so did Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett. She opened her eyes and quickly jumped off of the roof. I stared at her, she looked beautiful with her pale skin and her black clothes, which suited her. The rain made her look even more beautiful. Alice was right, I didn't want to be late.

"You okay Bella?" Alice asked her. I started getting out of the car into the pouring rain. The others started to take cover from the oncoming torrent of water.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I erm like the rain," and it makes you look beautiful I wanted to say. I locked my car and headed to my first class, ignoring the urge to tell her my thoughts. _Well I have and it's like someone ripping your fucking heart out and then setting fire to what's left _I kept hearing these words in my mind, like a constant wheel of tape that couldn't be paused or fast-forwarded. I couldn't imagine the sort of pain Bella was going through. I yearned, though, to comfort her, to help her. I could at least try and heal one broken heart for all the others I have broken.

The morning went by in a boring, unmemorable phase and quickly lunch came. I chose some pizza, which looked like vomit stuck onto a piece of cardboard.

"_Eddie_! Heyyyy! You wanna take me out tonight?" Lauren said. Couldn't she leave me alone?

"Don't call me that Lauren," How many times have I told her not to call me that? Well I lost count, lets put it that way.

"Oh sorry, Edwarrdd, pick me up at seven okay?" So that's why she calls me Eddie, because she can't actually say my real name.

"Yeah, whatever, I gotta go," I quickly said. I was going to sit next to my mates from the football team, before Alice steered me towards yesterday's table.

"Come on, _Eddie_, stop sulking and sit with us," Alice said, doing a perfect imitation of Lauren's voice when she said Eddie.

"Sulking? I'm not sulking. What is there to sulk about?" I said.

"You're sulking about Bella again,"

"No I'm not,"

"Yes you are, and you haven't made-out with anyone today, so she's clearly having an effect on you," And with that she sat down next to Bella, who had another apple. Effect? What effect? I sat down and stared at my food, avoiding looking at Bella. If I did look her, which I did want to, she'd probably run away again.

"Hey Bella," I heard Emmett say.

"Hey Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice," she paused for a moment, "Edward." They all greeted her back, but I didn't. She clearly hates me. I honestly hate myself aswell.

"So you wanna stay round after the party?" Alice said.

"Sure, why not?" Bella said smiling. It was a beautiful smile, but as soon as she did it she put her hand on her cheek, and she looked surprised.

"Yes!" Alice squealed again. Alice began ranting, like her usual self. I didn't know how Bella could cope, but she did and very well I might add.

"So should I have a fancy dress party?" Alice asked Bella.

"Erm, I dunno, do you normally have fancy dress parties?" The Cullens were famous for having the best parties within a hundred mile radius. Only important people were invited and a few of Emmett's friends came all the way from Seattle for the party.

"Well, I thought we could do something different for a change," Alice said. She always wanted them to be even better, more exciting than they already were. She couldn't throw a party that was worse than the last. That is just _wrong_, I imagined her saying.

"Okay, is there going to be a theme?" Bella asked. She was wearing a hat today instead of a hoodie that covered most of her face. Again she was wearing all black which definitely suits her. Hold on, haven't I already thought that?

"What about mythological creatures?" I'm sure Alice would have fun with that.

"Yeah, that sounds great," Bella said, she seemed happy. I wonder what she was thinking.

"I think you should be Big Foot, Emmett," Rosalie teased, although it would definitely suit him.

"Well I think you should be a mermaid," Emmett said. I'm sure that every other girl would dress as some sort of fairy slut. They would usual dress as slags but this time they had an excuse.

"Okay then Big Foot,"

"Okay then mermaid," In the end Alice decided to be Moricia from the Adam's family and Jasper Gomez. Me? Haven't decided yet.

"So what are you going to be?" Alice asked Bella. I wondered what she could be, maybe some sort of goddess.

"It's a surprise," Bella said, laughing. I kept staring at the table to stop myself from looking at her. My sister huffed when Bella ignored her and didn't reply.

"Alice?" I heard Bella ask. I looked at Alice, I think she just had a vision, her eyes always go to that funny blank phase.

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I just remembered that I forgot my Math homework, bummer," Alice lied. She never had the capability to lie. Lunch ended soon afterwards and I asked Alice about what she saw.

"Well, erm, I think it's best if I don't tell you," she answered and quickly ran off to her next class. What did she see? I went into Biology and Bella wasn't there. She came in a few moments later, she probably doesn't know the short way to the lab being a new student.

As she sat down she seemed to be deciding something. What? What are you deciding? Then as Mr. Banner began his lecture she finally looked decided.

"Okay class, the Red Cross is having a blood drive in Port Angeles next weekend, so I thought you should all know your blood type," I already know my blood type, I looked over to Bella and face turned ghost white. She had a horrified panic stricken expression. Bella couldn't be scared of blood that much, there must be something else. But what?

"Mr. Banner, I already know my blood type, please can I leave the class?" she quickly said.

"Are you feeling faint Miss Sparrow?"

"Yes sir,"

"Okay, Mr. Cullen, can you please take Miss Sparrow to the nurse," It was too late. She started hyperventilating and was slowly falling to the floor.

"Bella. Bella!" I said. She was shaking like I used when I had a panic attacks. I grabbed hold of her and she tried to reach her neck. Her neck must be burning, I got that aswell. The burning sensations. Panic attacks were the most horrific things I had ever been through. I placed her slowly onto the floor and she was blinking furiously as if she couldn't see anything.

"Can you hear me, Bella?" I said. I tried to say as calm as possible, although I had panic attacks, I'd never actually seen anyone else have one.

"Bella?" I asked her frantically. She suddenly went limp in my arms and her eyes closed. Thankfully, she was still breathing. All of this happened in only a few seconds, one minute she was fine, the next, unconscious. I picked her up slowly and headed to the nurse. I didn't really look at the other students who must of been in a little shock seeing me carrying Bella, who looked dead.

"Oh my," Ms Cope gasped as I entered the reception.

"She had a panic attack in Biology and then fainted," I explained. Ms Cope ran ahead of me to hold the door open to the nurse's door. The nurse looked very startled as I, well we including Bella, entered. After I explained to her what happened, she told me to wait until she woke up. I waited anxiously staring at her. I had grown out of panic attacks but I remember them vividly. Your chest begins to tighten making you breathe more frantically and then your neck starts burning as you lose every sense of control, every sense of feeling.

The nurse was waiting with me aswell, she looked worried, I'm sure she's never experienced something as serious as this. Maybe students with stomach aches or a sprained ankle, but unconscious students? No. Bella suddenly woke up and looked around wondering where she was.

"Take it slowly, Miss Sparrow, you just had a panic attack," the nurse explained to Bella. It was better if people knew that they had just had a panic attack, it helps. "I'll get you some water," the nurse said, which left myself and Bella alone in the room.

"Okay, I want to breath slowly through your nose. Not your mouth okay," I said. My father is a doctor and he used to tell me to do aswell. Gladly she took my advice and breathed slowly through her nose.

"Okay, now exhale very slowly," After a few minutes of doing that, she looked a lot better.

"How do you know what to do?" she asked me.

"I used to have quite a few panic attacks when I was younger,"I explained to her. She seemed satisfied and slightly glad for some reason. The nurse came in with the water ending our time alone.

"You feeling better?" the nurse asked her.

"Yes, thank you," I watched her as she sat up slowly and covered her face with her hands. I wondered what she was thinking. She stood up slowly but started to fall, so I quickly caught her and placed her back on the bed.

"Thanks," she said smiling slightly at me. Maybe she likes me? I thought in my too hopeful head. I quickly smiled back at her aswell. We made eye contact for a brief second but she looked down to the floor. She had strange eyes, empty of life and colour.

"Is it okay if you excuse myself and Bella from Gym?" I asked the nurse.

"Yes, of course, I'll tell Ms. Cope," the nurse left the room and came back with a wheelchair. Bella looked slightly disappointed and shocked as she saw it. I helped her onto the chair and wheeled her to the parking lot.

"Crap, my bag," she said.

"I'll go get it," I replied. I ran back to Biology only to receive questioning glares from my class.

"Is Miss Sparrow okay?" Mr. Banner asked.

"Yes, she's fine and I'm taking her home so I'll miss the rest of the class,"

"Oh, yes, that's fine," I picked up her bag and ran back to the parking lot, this time I wasn't going to look in her back, I'll probably take some more of her compositions and some of her drawings. I loaded her into my silver Volvo, my pride and joy, and started to drive her back to the Chief's house.

"What about my car?" She asked me.

"I'll get Alice to drop it off after school," I replied. Alice wouldn't mind, hmm Alice, I wonder what her vision was about. The car stayed silent until Bella broke it.

"Thanks for doing this," she said.

"No problem," Again an awkward silence fell over us.

"Look I'm really sorry about yesterday, I didn't mean to say what I did," she finally said.

"Sorry? What have you got to be sorry about? I'm the one who should be sorry," How could I be such a stupid _male_ bictchwhore. Oh my god, I'm the male version of Lauren. I shuddered at the thought.

"It's just, I made it out that you were this big heart-breaker, but in fact you're not,"

"What do you mean I'm not?" What was she talking about? Of course I am. I'm just a living breathing life destroyer.

"Well, Angela, was kinda caught up in the moment when she saw you and Lauren, you know, making out, and I made out that you broke her heart, but you didn't,"

"Oh," I simply said. So I wasn't a bitchwhore?

"She's actually got a boyfriend now,"

"Oh, um, right," we had pulled up to the Cheif's house now. I got of the Volvo and took the wheelchair from the backseat. Wow, Angela got a boyfriend already? I was glad for her obviously, she wasn't my type. It was a little soon though, I mean a day? That girl sure moves on quickly.

"Can I try walking?" she asked.

"Sure," he said. She slowly got of the car and took a few steps. She seemed fine at first but slowly fell again. I saved her fall again and helped her the rest of the way. I sat her down on the sofa and I sat down in a comfortable looking armchair.

"So, you're going to our party?" I asked after a while of more awkward silence. I wondered what she will be.

"Yeah, I love parties, they help me forget all the bad things," she said, her face kept changing to different emotions, at first it was surprise then to anger and finally sadness. Tears began spilling from her eyes which quickly turned into a full on outburst of emotion. I quickly put my arms around her to comfort her. She began to sob at first quietly but then it got louder until she started to scream. It was as if she was just trying to get everything out of her, to rid herself of the pain. I held onto her even more tightly trying to keep her together. Even though she was beyond upset, it felt nice in her arms, like I belonged there. We held each other for an unanswerable amount of time, before she collapsed onto me. She must of been exhausted. I carried her upstairs and eventually found her room.

The room was light blue with a wooden floor and yellow lace curtains. I laid her slowly done onto her bed and laid down next to her. I took her warm hand in mine and made circles with my thumb. Could I ever be with her? I know I've only known her what, less than a day, but I felt this strange connection with her. I couldn't keep denying it, ignoring it. It was too overwhelming. I stared at her peaked ceiling, wondering about whether I could know her, whether she would tell me about her, whether I could tell her how beautiful she is.

After a while, I decided to take a look in her room, I know I was being nosy but come on, what other chance am I gonna get? I looked at all the pieces of paper on her desk, they were more compositions, I must remember to play the other I erm "borrowed".

"What the hell are you doing here?" I heard Bella say, I turned around and saw her standing next to the bed, holding something behind her back.

**Hope you enjoyed it :D IT WILL GET BETTER!! I don't want to rush and make it all cheesy and boring and predictable.**

**So yeah please review. All opinion welcome.  
And if you think it's crap tell me so I can stop writing or improve it :D Thank you**


	8. Threat

Bella's POV

I opened my eyes and felt like closing them again. I haven't had sleep in over twenty-four hours, urgh, I closed my eyes, I need sleep. I felt something on my head, a hat? Why the hell was I wearing a hat in bed? I took ripped it off my head and threw it somewhere across the bedroom. I heard russling of paper and quickly opened my eyes. I saw Edward Cullen going through my compositions. Was I dreaming or something? What the hell was he doing in my fucking room? I took the KA BAR from my boot and slowly stood up as he didn't notice me waking up.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I said holding the knife behind my back.

"Excuse me?" he looked confused but I'm sure I was a little bit more confused than him.

"I said, what the hell are you doing here," I tried to stay as calm as possible. I held on tightly to the knife just in case Cullen became a threat.

"I was just making sure you woke up okay,"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember?"

"Remember what?"

"Earlier you had a panic attack in Biology, so I took you home and you kind of collapsed on me earlier, do you seriously not remember?"

"I don't know have a fuck what you're talking about, Cullen. But you need to leave. Now," he looked stunned as I said this and slowly retreated from my room. I followed him down the stairs to make sure he actually left and kept my eyes trained on his hands in case he made a move. I held the KA-BAR ready behind me, not sure whether Cullen could turn into a threat as he left the house. After he had drove away, I noticed that my Audi wasn't there. What the fuck? I locked the doors and headed back to my room. Panic attack? What the hell was he talking about? Why was Cullen in my room anyway? And why was he looking through my music?

I grabbed a bottle of vodka and drunk about half of it. I still couldn't get over the fact that Cullen was in my room. I didn't feel tired any more, especially after the alcohol and the little incident with Cullen. The phone started ringing and I went down the stairs wondering who it could be.

"Hello?" I said as I answered the phone.

"Hey Bella, it's Charlie, I was just calling to make sure you're okay, I heard about what happened in your Biology class," he said. What? Cullen was right? Something did happen in Biology.

"Erm yeah, yeah I'm fine,"

"That's good to hear, the school nurse told me to check up on you, she said that Edward Cullen took you home, is that right?"

"Yeah, I guess, he went about ten minutes ago though,"

"Did he look after you?"

"Yeah, erm, he did," I wasn't really sure if he did or not. He was nice enough to take me home and that, so I spose he did.

"Good, people don't give that kid enough credit. Anyway, I forgot to tell you, but you actually have a shift at the local cafe tonight, should I cancel?"

"No, it's fine, I'm feeling a lot better," Charlie explained where I was working, how long my shift was and how to get there. At least it will keep my mind busy so I didn't have to keep thinking about Cullen. I put the phone down and started to get ready for work. Charlie said that all I need to wear was some black trousers, it didn't matter what top I was going to wear as they would provide one for me. I turned on some music on my stereo while I was getting ready. I left the house forgetting that my car wasn't there, but it had turned up. I got in the audi, and saw my keys on top of a note on the seat.

Hope you are feeling better.

Alice xxx

I drove to cafe whilst listening to Nerve by Soilwork. When I arrived, I asked for Brian Wood whose going to be my boss. A waitress with curly blonde hair sent me round the back. I walked through the busy kitchen to the office at the back. I knocked on the door and heard a "come in". A friendly looked man looked up from some paperwork at me.

"Hello, Miss Sparrow, I've heard a lot about you," mmm I'm sure you have, I thought. "Please take a seat," I sat down and examined my boss, normal average middle-aged man, innocent looking, smile friendly and clearly an optimist. Married with a few children perhaps, hasn't hurt a fly in his life, likes to cook which inspired his ambitions to own his own restaurant.

"Have you done any catering work before?"

"Yes, quite a few times actually,"

"Oh that's excellent, one of our waitresses fell pregnant last week and has actually moved to California with her husband, so we'll be needing the extra pair of hands," he said laughing, what that meant to be a joke? I smiled slightly at him, thinking about my own pregnancy.

"With your experience I hope you can get straight into working on the main floor, you know serving customers, taking orders, blah blah blah," fuck this man was irrating. I hated it when people tried to be personal with jobs, it doesn't work!

"I'll let you get on with your work then, good luck," I got up from my chair and was about to leave before he interrupted me.

"Oh, I almost forget, here's your t-shirt, there's a bathroom in the room opposite where you can get changed, " he handed me the top and I closed the door on my way out. I got changed in the bathroom in the t-shirt which simply said in white fancy writing "Forks Diner". I walked out to the dining area where I greeted by the curly blonde-haired girl who was my supervisor. She told me how everything worked and what to do before giving me a writing pad and a pen. I got used to it very quickly and after an hour I was bored. Forks Diner was naturally busy, being the only cafe in this small town. My supervisor was called Aimee, she was nice I guess but if she died it wouldn't make me upset.

It was about half seven, and I had only a two and a half hours left of my shift, halfway through. Aimee and myself were the only waitresses left as the other had gone home ill. We coped fine, until Aimee had to leave because her dog had escaped the house. Lovely. I rushed around the dining area serving customers and clearing down tables. I felt my heart stutter as I saw Edward Cullen again. Stupid heart, shut up! I tried to give reasons to myself why my heart just stuttered, maybe because I saw him early as a threat and my body is just warning me that he could be one. Yes that was it, I hoped.

He _was_ sitting alone at a table, searching through the menu. Was it me or did he seem sad? I didn't want to serve him, but without any other waitresses, I had to. I cursed Aimee's dog and walked over to his table.

"What can I get you?" he didn't look up from the menu as I said this.

"I'm not ready to order yet, thanks," he raised his head and his eyes were on mine as he finished. I looked down at my pad refusing to make any more eye contact.

"Okay, I'll come back later," I quickly said. I tried to walk away but Cullen grabbed my arm. I felt strange electric currents flowing around me at his physical contact.

"Did you get your car back okay?" he said still holding onto my arm.

"Yes, tell Alice thank you, if you'll excuse me," I pulled my arm away from him and walked off. Out of sight from Edward, I covered my face with my hands. Something about his touch was definitely not normal, it almost filled me with energy and life. I strangely felt happier too. I wasn't you know laughing all smiles happy, I was just content instead of depressed. I'm probably turning Bipolar, I thought. I already have adjustment disorder and severe Dysthymia but manic depressive illness?(another name for bipolar disorder)

I headed back out to the dining area only to see Lauren sitting on the same table as Edward. I don't know why but I felt a strange surge of anger go through me. No it wasn't jealousy, it was that both of them were sluts, one of them just happened to be male. I watched her plastic face covered with make-up attempt a smile, eww how could he even look at her without barfing?

I cleaned a couple tables before sadly going to Edward and Lauren's table.

"What can I get you?" I said, I wasn't sure where to look. I wasn't going to look at Edward because of his stupid eyes and I wasn't going to look at Lauren because her face made me feel like throwing up all over her. Decisions, decisions. I'll just look at the menus.

"Eww, there's that goth, tell her to go away _Eddie,_" her nasal voice was going to make me throw up aswell.

"Yeah, _Eddie, _do you want me to go away?" I teased.

"_Eddie_?" Lauren said, or should I say the slutty stereotypical judgemental bitchwhore said.

"What?" I saw his head go down to look at the menu and said "I'll have the mushroom ravioli please."

"I'll have a salad," she said "and hurry up I don't want it to get cold." No wait, the STUPID slutty stereotypical judgemental bitchwhore said. You don't cook salads, so they can't get cold can they? How could Cullen date such a stupid bitch? Surely he would go out with someone with some intelligence.

I gave the order and cleaned down a few more tables. I collected the salad and the ravioli when it was done and walked to Lauren and Edward's table.

"What the hell! You can't break up with me, I'm LAUREN MALLORY for god's sake, NO ONE dumps Lauren Mallory," I heard Lauren screaming as I approached their table.

"Well, err, Lauren Mallory, I just did," Edward replied slightly smugly.

"Why? Is there someone else?"

"I think there is," The table went silent as I placed the mushroom ravioli and salad on the table.

"Is there anything else I can get you guys?"

"No, thank you," Edward said to me. Lauren surprisingly remained silent. Soon after Lauren left and Edward ate his mushroom ravioli without her. I was really glad Lauren got dumped, the thought of the "I'm LAUREN MALLORY for god's sake" made me laugh. When he finished, I gave him the check and cleaned his empty plate and the bowl of salad that was untouched.

"Thank you, Bella," he said smiling at me, I couldn't help but smile back. I mentally scolded myself for that. He is still a manwhore. I wonder who that someone was though? The way he said it made me think he really liked her.

"No problem," I replied. I was about to take his dirty dish and Lauren's full bowl of salad back to the kitchen before he interrupted me again.

"Wait," he said. I turned around and watched him stand up.

"Do you wanna sit with us again tomorrow?" Why not? The Hales and the Cullens were nice company and they made me smile. No one else made me smile.

"Sure," I told him. I headed back to the kitchen and continued my work. The rest of my shift was uneventful. I was still buzzing from Edward touching my arm. I wonder if he felt it too? Or maybe he was just giving me a nice feeling electric shock?

I drove back to Charlie's house slowly, I didn't want to go there. Going there meant my room and more specifically my bed. After apparently having a panic attack and not having sleep for nearly two days, I knew the nightmares would be more vivid than ever.

Surprisingly Charlie was already asleep when I got in. You could hear his snores from the front door. I crept upstairs and shut my bedroom door. I was quite glad that the day was over but I was dreading going to sleep. I sat on the window sill looking out onto Forks. You couldn't see any stars, the clouds hid them. I took out a fag and started smoking with the window open. The cold air whipped around me making a shiver tumble down my spine.

I got into bed shattered from the day and drifted into a horrific nightmare.

**Hope you like it :D Please Review  
All opinion welcome.  
**


	9. Angel

**Sorry I couldn't update yesterday. I think I've watched the teaser trailer at least 50 times!!**

Edwards POV

"What the hell are you doing here?" I heard Bella say, I turned around and saw her standing next to the bed, holding something behind her back.

"Excuse me?" I asked confused, what was she talking about?

"I said, what the hell are you doing here," she repeated again. I didn't really know how to reply to that.

"I was just making sure you woke up okay," I couldn't just leave her, especially after her emotional breakdown.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I noticed she wasn't wearing her hat, I could see her beautiful chestnut hair spiralling down her back. It was the first time I saw all of her face and her hair.

"Don't you remember?"

"Remember what?"

"Earlier you had a panic attack in Biology, so I took you home and you kind of collapsed on me earlier," Her face was still confused. "Do you seriously not remember?"

"I don't know have a fuck what you're talking about, Cullen. But you need to leave. Now," I was stunned as she said this and slowly walked from her room. Bella followed me all the way down the stairs and locked the front door as I left. I got into my silver Volvo in a complete daze. What had just happened? I drove back to my house in a state of shock and confusion. Emmett and Alice weren't back from school yet, so I decided to go and pick them up as well as Rosalie and Jasper. I waited for fifteen minutes before the school building erupted with bustling students making their way home.

Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice got into the Volvo shortly afterwards. I tried to drown out their babbling conversations, as I drove out of the parking lot I saw Bella's Audi and quickly stopped the car.

"What's the hold up?" Emmett asked.

"Alice, I need you to do me a favour," I explained to her about taking Bella home and that I promised her that Alice would bring the car back for her. Alice immediately obliged and I gave her the keys which I got from Bella earlier. I followed her all the way to Bella's house and she got in afterwards.

I decided I was going to talk to Carlisle about Bella, how could she forget what happened? I don't think I could forget the way she cried in my arms, the way she tried to scream out all of her pain, the way I felt whole in her arms.

I dropped of Rosalie and Jasper, leaving just Emmett and Alice in the car. Why was I stuck with the two most loud and annoying people as siblings? Their conversation became louder and more difficult for me to block out.

Once we had arrived home, I raced up to my bedroom and put on some music. I laid on my bed with my mind constantly wandering back to Bella. I heard a knock on the door, can't they just leave me alone?

"What!" I shouted. Alice opened the door and entered my bedroom, what does she want now? She closed the door and sat on the end of my bed that I was laying on.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked.

"Fine," I said turning off the stereo to listen to whatever she had to say.

"You know earlier today at lunch, I had that vision?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, I saw Bella kind of crying in your arms and I didn't really want to say anything,"

"And you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't think it was a good idea to tell you,"

"Why not?"

"Come on, if I told you about my vision, you would of tried to stop it and I didn't even know what she was crying about. Why was she so upset anyway?"

"I don't really know, she just started crying, so I just comforted her. After a while she kind of fell asleep so I took her upstairs to her room. But then when she woke up she didn't even remember it! It was like it didn't happen and then she just told me to leave,"

"She didn't remember it?"

"No, I don't think she even knew why I there in the first place, she doesn't even remember her panic attack in Biology!"

"Maybe you should talk to Dad about it,"

"Yeah, I'm going to,"

"You still going on that date with Lauren?" I groaned very loudly as she said that.

"Crap, I forgot,"

"Please can you just dump that stupid bitchwhore?" I knew Alice hated Lauren as much as I did. The only reason I was going out with her because she was hot but then again it was just the plastic surgery and make-up that created the illusion.

"Yeah, I'm going to dump her tonight,"

"That's good to hear," The room went silent for a few moments, I knew Alice hated it when conversations just died.

"You really like her don't you?"

"Who?"

"Bella, of course,"

"No, why would you say that?"

"Come on! You're obviously hung up about her, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out," I was left speechless, it couldn't be that obvious, could it? I mean I didn't even know myself if I liked her. I just yearned to comfort and unlock the strange mystery surrounding her. With that, Alice left me alone with my raging thoughts. So what if I did like Bella? There's nothing wrong with that. Well there is when you're dating some cheerleader. Oh God Lauren.

I laid on my bed and started daydreaming. Bella had such a beautiful face I wonder why she didn't show it off more, and her hair! Did I mention her lip-ring? I'm normally not into body-piercings but my god I was into them now.

"Edward it's ten to seven, you have to pick up the bitchwhore in ten minutes!" I heard Alice call out. Where did the time go? I got ready at a slow pace, who cared if I was late? This was the last date I happily thought. I picked her up a good twenty minutes late and she didn't seem too happy.

"Where have you been _Eddie, _I've been standing out here in the freezing cold!" she sqeaked at me as she go into the Volvo.

"You couldn't waited inside," I pointed out to her.

"That's besides the point!" Oh is it? I ignored her while she kept ranting to me. I couldn't wait til this was all over. Then I would finally be free. We pulled up to Forks Diner, the only restaurant in Forks, and went inside. Lauren said she needed to go to the bathroom, so I sat down on the table by myself. I began looking through the menus, hmm the mushroom ravioli looks good. Better than the crap they serve at the school cafeteria.

"What can I get you?" I heard someone say, I assumed it was the waitress.

"I'm not ready to order yet, thanks," I raised my head when I finished. None other than Bella was standing in front of me with a notepad and pen. She was wearing a black top that said Forks Diner and black trousers. We made eye contact for a few moments before she looked down at her notepad.

"Okay, I'll come back later," she quickly said. She tried to walk away but I grabbed her arm. I felt a strange electric surge run through me when I touched her. I didn't want her to go again, but I needed something to say to her and fast.

"Did you get your car back okay?" I said, it was the first thing that popped into my mind.

"Yes, tell Alice thank you, if you'll excuse me," she pulled her arm away from me and walked off. More of a mystery every second. What was with that electricity? She must of felt it aswell. It was amazing. It was like everything felt better now after holding her again. Lauren unfortunately came back from the bathroom and started babling again. I studied her face, it was obvious that she has added a few layers of make-up on her face.

I decided to watch Bella who started to clean a few tables, she then seemed reluctant to come to our table.

"What can I get you?" Bella said, she just stared at the menus avoiding looking at me or Lauren.

"Eww, there's that goth, tell her to go away _Eddie,_" Lauren said. Here we go again, judgmental bitch who thinks you're a goth if you wear black.

"Yeah, _Eddie, _do you want me to go away?" Never, I wanted to say. I kept my mouth shut and just stared at her. She was smiling while looking at her notepad. Her smile was so breathtaking I forgot how to think for a moment. Unfortunately Lauren ruined my personal heaven.

"_Eddie_?"

"What?" I looked at the menu, yeah that mushroom ravioli does look good. "I'll have the mushroom ravioli please."

"I'll have a salad and hurry up I don't want it to get cold." Warm salads now? How stupid was she? And who gave her the right to insult Bella like that?

"Why do you do that Lauren?"

"Do what?"

"Why are you such a bitch towards people you don't even know?"

"Oh come on, everyone knows she's a goth,"

"What because she wears black?"

"Duh," she said, she took out some lip balm from her purse and started to apply it to her lips. She then started yapping about which colour looked best on her, whether yellow or orange eye shadow looks better on her. Please spare me from this torture!

"Look, I don't think we should do this anymore," I quickly said when Lauren paused for a second.

"Do what?"

"Date,"

"Oh okay whatever," she obviously didn't catch my drift, so I had to make it very clear to her.

"I'm breaking up with you Lauren,"

"What the hell! You can't break up with me, I'm LAUREN MALLORY for god's sake, NO ONE dumps Lauren Mallory," Lauren screamed at me.

"Well, err, Lauren Mallory, I just did," I replied. I tried to hide my laughter at "I'm LAUREN MALLORY", so what if you're Lauren Mallory?

"Why? Is there someone else?"

"I think there is," My heart flipped as Bella placed our down on the table. How could I say speak of the devil when she was an angel?

"Is there anything else I can get you guys?"

"No, thank you," I replied. Lauren surprisingly remained silent. After Bella left, Lauren soon left aswell. Finally, I thought. Free at last.

I ate my mushroom ravioli in peace watching Bella again as she worked. After I had finished, Bella came over with the check and she picked up my empty plate and Lauren's full bowl of salad. That's the only thing Lauren would eat, it was probably the only thing that the majority of the girls at our school ate.

"Thank you, Bella," I said smiling at Bella, my heart flipped again as she smiled back.

"No problem," Bella replied. She started to leave again but I couldn't help myself so I stopped her again.

"Wait," I said. She thankfully turned around and looked at me as I stood up.

"Do you wanna sit with us again tomorrow?" I said looking hopeful at her.

"Sure," Bella told me. She headed back to the kitchen with my plate and Lauren's bowl. I stood in a daze for a few moments before leaving Forks Diner. I drove home still able to feel the strange electricity pulsing through me. Before I could even open the front door, Alice asked me whether I had dumped Lauren.

"Couldn't you already see that I dumped her?"

"Well, yeah but it's better to hear it from you,"

"Yeah, I did,"

"How was Bella?"

"Huh? How did you-"

"Duh, pyschic remember,"

"Yeah, she's fine,"

"Don't forget to talk to Dad,"

"Oh yeah thanks for reminding me,"

"What are pixies for?" Alice said heading up the stairs. I went to the fridge and decided to have a soda. I dumped my coat on the sofa and went to Carlisle's office while gulping down the Mountain Fizz.

"Hey, Dad, can I talk to you for a sec?" I asked opening the door gently.

"Of course, what's up?" he said, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk. I sat down and began to explain.

"Well, there's this new girl at our school called Bella Sparrow,"

"She's living with the Chief isn't she?" Only a town this small would have the inhabitants know everything about each other.

"Yeah, I think so," I moved in my seat slightly. "Today she, erm, had a panic attack in Biology,"

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, she's fine," I cleared my throat. "After she had the panic attack, she fainted and I took her to the nurse," Carlisle gave me a questioning look probably wondering why I took her to the nurse. "She's my lab partner," I explained. "She woke up fine and everything so I took her back to the Chiefs house and well she started crying and she then fell asleep. But when she woke up, she forgot everything, she didn't even know why I was in her room!"

"What do you mean everything?"

"She didn't remember that I took her home and she couldn't even remember the panic attack she had earlier,"

"Hmm, she maybe trying to repress a memory,"

"Repress a memory?"

"Yes, people's memories often trigger panic attacks when the certain circumstance arises. So when she forgot everything, it was her unconsciousness that completely blocked out the memory of her having the panic attack, so she won't remember why she had the panic attack in the first place. Therefore she won't remember the trigger that caused the panic attack, unless the certain circumstance rearises in the future," I took a while to absorb all of the information before finally thanking my dad and then going back to my room.

So, Bella was trying to repress a memory. What memory? What was the trigger? We were about to do blood-testing, so she might not like needles? I didn't find that very likely, not many people having panic attacks over needles. Testing? She may of had a bad experience she got tested for something? What about just blood? That must be it. Blood was the trigger, but why?

I kept trying to figure other triggers and reasons why Bella had the panic attack. I soon drifted off to sleep after an eventful day.

**Give me your advice, opinion, anything!  
The next chapter is something to look forward to!! I'm finally over the beginning boring part which is over 20,000 words! Hmm fun. **

**Reviews make me write faster. HINT! and they help and make me happy when I should be doing coursework.**

**HAPPY TWILIGHT TUESDAY!**


	10. Nightmare

_"Help!" I shrieked, attempting escape. I was having the same nightmare I always had, the night I took my first life. I tried to kick and punch him, but his grasp did not loosen. "He-," I tried to scream again. Anyone help! Please! H__e shoved his hand over my mouth and again placed the knife at my throat._

_"Just do it," I said angrily. Tears began to roll down my cheeks. "Look at me!" I said after I got no response from him, the stranger then looked into my eyes for the first time. But it wasn't a stranger. These eyes were different and I recognised them._

_They were Edward's eyes, why was Edward here? Before I knew it I had slashed the knife across his neck, causing him to look at me in his final moment before he fell to the ground. __I saw his eyes go blank, I ended his life, Edward's life. _

_"Edward! EDWARD!"_

I found myself screaming and covered in sweat when I woke up. It took me a few moments to realise it was only a nightmare. I could still feel the knife in my hands and the tears on my cheek. The bedroom door swung open and I found Charlie with a baseball bat in his hands.

"Are you okay?" he asked breathlessly. He must of thought a burglar was attacking me or something.

"Yeah, sorry Charlie, bad dream," Bad dream? It wasn't just a bad dream it was a nightmare, one that was too real. He slowly returned to his room still half asleep. It wasn't long before I heard his constant snoring. I couldn't get back to sleep, even if I tried. Every time I tried to shut them, I would see Edward's eyes. I opened my window again and let the cool air clear my mind.

I lit a cigarette and began smoking it outside the window. Why has my nightmare changed? I had the same one ever since it happened. But now? Edward was there, why was he there? This nightmare was the clearest one I had ever had, I could see all the detail of the alleyway, all the detail of the knife and his neck. I shuddered at the memory. It was too real, like I had actually slit his throat. I knew it was impossible that Edward was dead, I mean it was just a nightmare, right? I still had a doubt in my mind that Edward wasn't okay, I tried to get rid of it, but the sheer clarity of my nightmare made it impossible to erase.

I looked at the alarm clock, 4.35 it read. Less than three hours sleep. I didn't know if I could cope without another night's sleep. I took another long drag and took out the vodka bottle in my bag. I finished it up and chucked the empty bottle on my bed. I stared out of the window, watching a beautiful sunrise spread its colours outwards. The sky was being set on fire again. A tear fell down my cheek at the memory of that night. I wiped it away furiously. I don't need anyone. What was the point? So they could betray you and break your heart. I heard Charlie's snores quieten. Then I heard him getting out of bed and quickly jumped back into my bed. I hid the vodka bottle under my pillow and started to breathe deeply. I closed my eyes hearing the door click open and then shut a few seconds later. I wasn't in the mood to chat.

Charlie was one of the nicest foster families I had. Some wouldn't give me a room, let alone food and water. Some just left me for days on end. Others used to hit me. But that all stopped when I began picking up knifes. I tried to use the knife as protection, so they would back off. But that didn't always happen, they wouldn't always believe that I wasn't afraid of using it on them. Sometimes I had no choice but to use it.

I watched his police cruiser go out of the driveway and slowly began getting ready for school. I decided that I wanted to listen to some classic heavy metal and put on Led Zeppelin on my stereo. I ate my cereal after a long cold shower to wake me up. Hot showers burnt my cuts anyway, so there wasn't an option. I saw what a complete mess I was in the mirror when I got out of the shower. I looked like crap what with the black circles under my eyes. I put on a Led Zeppelin hoodie, black trousers, a black top, black lipring, leather gloves and my combat boots. I strapped on my KA-BAR and put a chain on my trousers. I didn't bother with any make-up and made my way down the stairs.

The beautiful sunrise had literally evaporated all of the clouds in the sky, leaving a bright blue sky. I put on some large black sunglasses and headed out of the door. The air was much warmer today, instead of the cold overcast weather that I loved. I cursed the sky and drove to school. I put on some Destroy The Runner and raced to school, ignoring all of the speed limits. What if my nightmare was real? What if Edward was dead? I tried to tell myself that it was just a dream, that it wasn't real. What if it wasn't a dream? It didn't feel like a dream, it felt like a reality, a terrifying reality, where there was so much detail, so much life. Or so much death.

I parked my car in the same spot and searched for the silver Volvo I had Edward getting out of the day before. All of the students headed inside to their first class. The Volvo wasn't there and I started to panic. I got out of my car still searching for the Volvo, maybe they took another car today? I headed to Literature trying to convince myself that it was just a dream, that Edward was okay. I entered the classroom late and earned a few glares from the students. The teacher began his lecture on Shakespearian sonets as I took my seat at the back.

Literature dragged on until finally it finished. Who gives a fuck what a sonet is anyway? I searched the corridors afterwards but there wasn't a Cullen or Hale in sight. Spanish was boring and uneventful, but after 2nd period, an amusing event did occur.

Lauren, Jessica and three other girls approched me, attempting to look intimidating. If they were five grown men with assault rifles, I would of been intimidated. But five slutty high school girls with lipsticks? Think again.

"Eww, goth alert," one of the sluts said.

"Slitting your wrists are we?" another make-up covered slut asked.

"You've ruined everything!" Lauren skrieked at me.

"Excuse me?" I said taking a step towards her. Who the hell did she think she was? And what the hell was she talking about?

"Because of you, Edward dumped me! You are such a little skank!"

"Look at yourself," I laughed and walked off to my Math class, leaving the skanks behind in my dust. I heard Lauren scream in annoyance and again I laughed. So it's now my fault that she got dumped? What is with these people?

After Math, Lauren approached me again, this time alone. She's probably going to call me a skank again, or even worse a MEGA SKANK.

"Oi! Goth, I want a word with you," should I just walk away? I wasn't in the mood for her crap.

"What?" I said in an irritated voice. We were standing near the girls bathroom, as she began her little rant.

"I can't believe what you said to me! That is so like not acceptable! I am head cheerleader and I have a right, not to be treated like, like erm..."

"That," I finished for her. She actually was THAT stupid.

"Like that, yeah. Anyways. Edward Cullen is mine, so hands off bitchskank!" I had had enough of her bullshit and I pulled out my knife. I pushed her into the bathroom, where thankfully, no one was inside. I grabbed her neck with my gloved hand and held the knife close to her face.

"Listen, you ever talk to me again, I will slit your throat, do you understand?" I said pushing her against the wall.

"Y-y-ess," she said wimpering. Her eyes were red and her face frozen with fear.

"You ever tell anyone about this, I will kill you," she nodded several times with tears falling down her face.

"And trust me," I said smiling. "I know how to you use this," I whispered holding the knife right in front of her face. I let go of her neck and strapped the knife back on my combat boot. I left the bathroom and went to Philosophy, it was about time someone put some sense into that good for nothing slut.

I counted down the minutes, sometimes the seconds, until lunch. I needed to know if Edward was okay and I didn't think I could last any longer. Finally Philosophy ended, and I ran to the cafeteria. I searched the oncoming crowd, many of them in shorts from the warm weather. I spotted Alice, Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett sitting down at the same table as yesterday. I ran over to them, panicking when Edward wasn't among them.

"Hey Bella!" Emmett greeted me. I would of greeted him back, but I needed to know where Edward was. I needed to know NOW.

"Where's Edward?" I asked them out of breath.

"Err, I think he just had Math, he should be here in a minute, why?" Alice said giving me a questioning look. Where was he?! I felt so scared and frustrated, I thought I would just scream out for him. Then, a few seconds later, I saw him walking through the cafeteria doors. Before I could stop myself, I had run up to him and given him an enormous hug. He's alive! He's alive! Thank you! Thank you! I was flooded with such relief as I hugged him. It took me a moment before it had dawned on me.

The entire cafeteria had gone silent and I had just realised what I had done. What was I thinking, running up to him like that? But, I wasn't thinking, it just sort of happened. I slowly released Edward who was giving me a confused, "What the hell?" look. Was it me, or did he look slightly relieved aswell? I didn't know what to do, what with everyone staring at me, I didn't have a valid reason for doing what I did. So I just ran. Again. It was probably the only thing I was good for now.

I headed to the bathroom and locked myself in a cubicle. Why the hell did I just do that? I kicked the door angrily, pissed at myself for being such a freak. I cursed myself under my breath, kicking the door a few more times. The door creaked opened and I heard familiar voices calling out for me.

"Bella?" I heard Rosalie ask.

"You in here?" Alice voice this time sounded.

"I think she's in this one," Rosalie said. I saw two figures hovering outside of the cubicle.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Alice said, knocking on the door.

"Come out and talk to us," Rosalie said. And say what? I just ran over to him and hugged him because I thought he was dead. How could I say that? What do I say? It's National Hugging Day or something? I unlocked the door, to see two worried looks on their faces.

"Hey," I said grimly, trying to give them the best fake smile I could.

"Are you okay?" Rosalie asked.

"Oh yeah! I'm great!" I said sarcastically giving them an even bigger fake smile.

"You sure?"

"Yep, why wouldn't you be on a day like this?"

"What was all that about?"

"Didn't you know?"

"Know what?"

"It's National Hugging Day today!" Why couldn't I do anything right anymore? I couldn't even come up with a good excuse. What with Lauren threatening to kill her and now this? What was happening to me? Tears rushed down my cheeks as I tried angrily to keep everything inside of me. Couldn't I last a stupid day now without crying? Alice and Rosalie wrapped their arms aorund me as I sobbed. I have to pull myself together. This can not keep happening. Before I could wipe the tears away with my hand, Alice and Rosalie handed me tissues.

"Thanks," I said sniffing. They were nice to me, but I knew that could change. Nothing stays the same. I just couldn't trust anyone, not anymore.

"Excuse me," I headed out of the bathroom and went to my car. I started the engine and began to pull out. No, I'm not running again. Not anymore. I couldn't take it. I re-parked and turned off the car, chucking the keys in the back seat to stop myself from fleeing again. I turned on the car stereo and put on As I Lay Dying - Within Destruction. I screamed along with the lyrics, feeling the car shaking with the sheer amount of bass.

If music is a mirror revealing the depths of my heart  
Then I will write the darkest song  
For without forgiveness my soul is lost  
All that is hope within destruction comes from You  
For I have fallen, and there is nothing good within me  
Yet I've been given life I will never deserve  
For without forgiveness my soul is lost

I closed my eyes while singing alone, enjoying every second of the song. Something tapped me on the shoulder and I screamed when I saw someone sitting next to me. It was Edward who looked confused again, he had a worried look on his face, exactly like Rosalie and Alice. I turned off the music and I couldn't help but look at his neck. It was fine of course, just my paranoia.

"Why do you want, Edward?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay,"

"I'm fine," I lied. Edward gave me a discouraging look, clearly telling that I was lying. Normally I was good at lying. Why was I so crap now? Maybe he was just good at telling when people lie.

"What do you care anyway?"

"I can't really help it,"

"What?" I asked him confused. He couldn't help it? What did he mean?

"When your lab partner goes unconscious during the first five minutes of class, it's kinda difficult not to care," he said. I looked down at my hands, unsure of what to say. I'm not worth caring for? Or maybe just thank you? I twiddled with my thumbs for a while before Edward finally broke the silence.

"Wanna have lunch now?"

"Sure," I picked up my car keys from the back seat and grabbed my bag. We got out of the car and headed to the cafeteria together.

"Nice car you've got," Edward commented, he probably found the silence as awkward as I did.

"Thanks,"

"It's an A4, right?" I nodded.

"The Chief got it for me. Well, I didn't get it for free. I have to work it off, which explains last night,"

"Oh right," We found Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and Emmett sitting outside on a bench. I sat down and greeted them all. Alice was nice enough to buy me an apple, which was very kind of her. I promised to pay her back, even though she insisted it was a present. Thankfully none of them mentioned the incident in the cafeteria or in the bathroom. I was begining to like the Cullens and the Hales. We talked about loads of things, everything probably. I put on my black sunglasses as the sun was shining directly onto me.

Edward was sitting next to Emmett who was opposite me, I would see him staring at me. He couldn't tell though, you couldn't see my eyes through my sunnies. We made eye contact a few times although he couldn't tell. Why does he care about me? No one cares about me. At least not anymore. I didn't understand his motives. He was the most popular guy in school yet he "cares" about me? An antisocial freak who dresses in all black, listens to metalcore and carries knifes around. Well, he didn't know that, did he? What was he looking at anyway?

I was dissapointed when lunch ended as I was having a great time with them. Again they made me smile and they made me feel welcome to their little group. No one had ever done that for me. I used to sit on my own or just in the bathroom if there were no empty tables.

"It must be fun," I commented to Edward as we walked to Biology. Many people were giving , especially me, horrible glares. They only gave questioning ones to Edward. They are probably thinking why is he walking with that freak.

"What's fun?"

"You know hanging out with your own family,"

"Yeah, we always have a blast,"

"I bet it's nice to have someone there for you," Edward looked at me when I said this, he gave me a sympathetic look, but I couldn't take it. Thankfully the Biology lab was only a few metres ahead so I hurried into the class. I quickly took my seat at the back, soon followed by Edward.

"Settle down class, settle down," Mr. Banner said to us, the conversations quickly died and silence loomed over us.

"Today we will be watching a video on biocummulation and biological control," he said while pulling a tall metal frame on wheels that held an old TV and VCR. He shoved a tape in and turned the lights off. I felt better in the darkness, I just felt more safe and more comfortable. I watched Edward as he placed his hands on the table, I couldn't help myself but imitate him. He looked at me when I put my hands right next to his.

I wonder if I'll still feel that strange electric current like last night. It felt amazing, a warm feeling would run through my veins making everything feel so much better. Somehow when I touched Edward, everything felt right. I stared at his hands, wondering whether I would feel the electricity again.

I slowly moved my right hand onto his, and the electricity ripped through me. I held his hand avoiding his confused glaze, I immediately felt so much better, I even felt happy. Edward didn't let go of my hand for the whole hour and didn't ask me why. We just sat there holding hands in the darkness.

The hour ended too soon and as the lights came on, we quickly let go. I was the first out of the lab and I headed for the girls changing room without looking back. Today was thankfully our last day of basketball, tomorrow we would be doing running. Yes, I thought! Something I'm good at. While we were playing I kept looking over to Edward, he was on the other team and well he was amazing. He must of been captain. I avoided going anywhere near the ball, in fear of it pummelling my face. I wasn't good with the eye-coordination let's just say. I only got hit in the head once and I hit someone else in the head aswell, so it wasn't that bad a result.

I quickly got changed and rushed off to my car. I was about to walk through the parking lot before I saw him. My heart pumped hard in my chest making it impossible to think straight as my emotions ran wild. I felt fear, anger, a slight relief, rage, panic and many other things. Thankfully he didn't see me, so I had a little time to prepare myself. He was leaning against his black motorcycle, the same one I had been on many times.

Why was he here? How did he even find me? My hands started shaking as the panic slowly took over. I concentrated on channelling the anger and rage I felt. Thankfully it worked. The rage and anger had complete control of me. Before I knew it, I put my foot on the wall and pulled out my KA-BAR. I gripped it tightly as I made my over to him. I put up my hoodie and watched him as he caught sight of me.

"Hey Bella, same as always I see,"

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	11. Old Voices

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Bella's POV

Why was he here? How did he even find me? My hands started shaking as the panic slowly took over. I concentrated on channeling the anger and rage I felt. Thankfully it worked. The rage and anger had complete control of me. Before I knew it, I put my foot on the wall and pulled out my KA-BAR. I gripped it tightly as I made my over to him. I put up my hoodie and watched him as he caught sight of me.

"Hey Bella, same as always I see," he said smiling at me. He was always like that, like a bastard. He looked the same aswell, with the familiar black hair that was just short of his shoulders, the same leather jacket he would always wear when we took a ride, the same black jeans and boots, the same eyebrow and ear piercings, the same burns going up the left side of his face. That was my doing. It wasn't good when you add an angry me with a vodka bottle and a lighter.

"How the fuck did you find me here?"

"I have my ways Bella, I have my ways," Again he gave me a devilish grin. I know you do, Kyle. I know you do.

"What do you want, Kyle?"

"You owe me money, Bella," I thought I gave him back all the money I borrowed, I was sure of it in fact.

"How much money?"

"Five grand,"

"Five grand?" I said astonished, I don't have that sort of money!

"And I need it by tomorrow,"

"How the fuck am I gonna get five grand in a day?" Is he insane? Or was he just high on crack? It was a possibility he was, I mean we were doing drugs most days anyway.

"I'm sure you'll find a way Bella, you always do," he said, he approached me slowly, closing the gap between up. I gripped the KA-BAR even tighter in my hand. I took a step back not wanting a confrontation with him. This was bound to end violently. I examined the large cut across his neck, that was me aswell. I was meant to kill him when I slashed him, but unfortunately he survived.

"You know what will happen if you don't," he said quietly. Kyle was now a few inches from my face. He was the only person who knew everything about me, and I mean everything. Even that night, the one in my nightmares. He knew I still wanted to die, he wouldn't kill me, no, he knew I wanted it too much. He would kill other people instead, innocent people. I couldn't allow that, I wouldn't have people die anymore on my own accord. I had no choice but to do what he said.

"You're still the same, you know that Bella? You haven't changed one bit,"

"Nor have you," I spoke with a venom in my voice. "You're still the same bastard."

"Mmm you think so?" he said placing his hand around my waist. Kyle then pushed me towards him and slammed his mouth onto mine, putting his other arm around me. I raised the knife slowly behind his back to place on his neck. His kisses became urgent and I was giving in to him.

Kyle and I were together for months, I had met him at a Soilwork concert. I was in one of the circle pits when I accidently fell on top of him. I was sixteen when I met him and he was twenty one. The age gap didn't matter to us though, I thought I was in love with him. We did so much stupid stuff together, we jacked cars, grafitied a couple police stations, we got pissed most nights and we even got arrested together. I was having the time of my life with him, after my parents died and Jacob gone, he was my everything. Things started to change when he got me pregnant. I wanted to start a family with him, I wanted to be with him forever. I wanted to bring a life into the world, one that I could take care of and look after. It seemed so right.

He didn't want a kid though and one night when we were arguing about it he pushed me down the stairs. I lost my baby that night and I had lost apart of myself. When I came out of hospital I confronted Kyle about it. I got so angry that I set him on fire. He was fine, but he had the permanent burns on his face. Kyle convinced me that he didn't mean to push me and I believed him. We were together for a few more months after that, robbing stores, stealing cars, doing drugs. It was so much fun, I forgot all about the night I lost my baby. I was happy enough that I still had Kyle.

One night, I found him making out with another girl when I came back from school. I ran away not believing what I had just seen. He caught up with me and started telling me that he didn't mean it, that it was a mistake. I slashed him angrily across the neck and took off never regretting my actions. I hadn't seen him since, why would I even want to? A part of me died that night I lost him. Another part was gone, taken away from me, another part destroyed and unable to awaken.

I was betrayed again and started losing control of everything. I owed a lot of people money and started doing favours for people as I didn't have enough cash. I robbed countless stores to pay them back, I wasted most of my money on drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. I would get drunk every night to forget the pain that I tried to keep inside of me. Once you get into that circle it's difficult to get out.

I held the knife against his neck wanting release, but I didn't realise that he too had a knife on my throat. This wasn't going to end nicely, I thought in my head. He stopped kissing me for a moment and looked into my eyes. His eyes were so familiar, they felt like home, they felt like a safe-haven to me. I scolded myself at the thought.

"I'm glad I burnt your face," I said giving him a large grin. Anger washed over his eyes and he kissed me again. He began biting down on my lip-ring and before I could stop him he wripped it off. I winced in pain as the blood flowed down my chin. He started to suck my lip, licking the blood that had trickled down my neck. It was throbbing by the time he spat my lip-ring onto the ground. He had won this time and he knew I wouldn't fight back anymore.

"I'll be here tomorrow, same time and you better get my money or bad things will start happening. Do you understand?" I nodded and he slowly realeased me. He gave me a quick smile before he turned around. He got onto his bike, placing his helmet on his head and started it up. The familiar roar seemed too loud, he must of removed the muffler. I watched him as he took off into the distance leaving me standing there not knowing what to do next. First I took out my vodka and drunk half of it again. I had to get five grand in 24 hours and counting, I had reason to drink. I washed down the blood ignoring the salty taste of the blood.

How can I pull that amount of money in such a short amount of time? I looked around the parking lot to see many students staring at me. I could hear them all saying "Oh my god, was that alcohol?" or "Was that guy like her boyfriend?". I ignored them and tried to spot the Cullens or the Hales. I couldn't find any of them but I found Angela walking out.

"Hey Angela," I said as I approached her. She was joined by Ben again, who was holding her books for her. Treat him like a slave why don't you.

"Hey Bella, oh my god what happened to your lip?" I quickly thought of a lie. I'm sure she wouldn't believe me anyway. It was a little obvious when I just happened to have a busted lip as soon as this random guy just makes out with me.

"Oh I just bit down on it a little too hard. Do you have a cell phone I could borrow?" I needed to make some calls, but I never had reason to carry a cell phone. I mean who was there to talk to?

"Oh yeah sure," she said handing me a bright pink flip phone.

"Thanks," I said, I headed for my car while dialing an unforgettable number. I got into my car as I called him.

"Hello?" he answered with a faint Russian accent. I was calling Aleksey, who originally came from Russia but moved here when he was 10.

"Hey, it's Marie," That was what most of the "circle" knew me as, you know the drug dealers, the thiefs, the gangs, etc.

"Hey Marie, skol'ko let, skol'ko zim, long time no see. It's good to hear from you again. Kak dela?" I knew he couldn't help but use his native tongue.

"Horošo," I said, when you knew Aleksey, you picked up a lot of Russian phrases. He was asking me how I was and I said that I was fine. "Look, you know that favour you owe me?"

"Yes..."

"I think it's about time I cashed it in,"

"Of course, what do you need?"

"Do you have 5K?"

"Sorry Marie, out of cash, we spent the last of the money on a batch of coke coming in," I sighed as he said this. I'd have to get the money myself then.

"You got any spare bikes lying around?" I had a plan to get the money and it wasn't going to pretty.

"I've got a Yamaha dirt bike, but it's a bit old,"

"If it runs, it will be fine,"

"When and were do you want it dropped off?"

"Port Angeles, behind the mall, in three hours," I hadn't been to Port Angeles, apart from when Charlie picked me up from the airport, but it was a tourist trap and people knew it more than Forks.

"It'll be there. Anything else?"

"You got any 103's hanging about?"

"Sure, just one?"

"Yeah," I hope I wouldn't have to use it on any one. I meant by a 103 as in AK-103, a Russian built AK-47. "Spasibo." I said, which meant thank you.

"Udači, Marie," he said. I ended the phone call and took a deep breath. I had no choice, I couldn't forget that. I had to do this or someone would die. Some people, plural, I corrected myself. Kyle wasn't too fussy with numbers, the more the merrier he used to say. I gave Angela's cell phone back to her and told her thank you.

I'd have to be on good terms with the Chief if I didn't want any suspicions to arise. If I made him dinner, that gave me the excuse to go shopping for food seeing as the cupboards were bare. Did this man just survive on takeouts? During that time, I could go to Port Angeles. When Charlie drove me back from the airport, it took about an hour. I thought I could make it in twenty minutes, maybe fifteen if I really pushed it. I examined my lip in the mirror, it was bleeding again. I wiped off the blood that was dripping down my neck and scrapped off the blood that had dried. I put a band-aid on my lip to stop the bleeding, Kyle had wripped off a pretty big chunk.

I waited in my room for Charlie to come back, I took out my sketchpad and began drawing something. I didn't know what it was yet, my hand just kept moving. The Chief came back at a great time so I could retrieve the 103 and the bike without being late. I made the excuse of "I'm making you dinner so I need to buy food". He bought it of course and was probably glad to see me go and stop talking, there was another game on. I was a little early, so I bought the food first. I didn't really care what I got, I just bought quite a lot with the money Charlie gave me. I had to make it look it took me an hour to go there and back. I bought pasta and random spices I could throw in, not that I actually cared. I had more important things to worry about than pasta.

I raced up to Port Angeles and made it there in just under twenty minutes. I quickly found the mall and parked around the back. A white van was already parked there so I got of my car and made my way over to them. I greeted two Russian men who I recognised from previous exchanges as it were. They loaded the bike into my Audi and gave me the assault rifle which was in a black case. I thanked them and told them to tell Aleksey thank you.

By the time I got back to Charlie's house, it was pitch black which would help hide the bike in my car. I made the whole journey within an hour which I was very pleased with. I made Charlie pasta which he seemed to like. He hesitated at first, probably thinking I had poisoned it. To prove I hadn't, I swapped my plate with his and started eating it. Once I had eaten a few mouthfuls, he began eating his pasta. He told me it was delicious, I laughed at that, it was probably the spices making him think that.

I spent the rest of the evening drawing and cleaning out the rifle. I retrieved it from the car while Charlie was still watching the game and I was cooking the dinner. In the black case, there were three magazines with about thirty rounds each in them. I had more than enough fire power in other words. I said goodnight to Charlie and waited for his constant snores before I started to prepare myself. I took off all of my clothes and put on plain black trousers and a navy hoodie that said nothing on it. My clothes needed to either be untraceable or would have to be destroyed afterwards. I didn't want to any suspicions to arrive and if they did, what evidence would they have? I also put on simple white trainers and a ski mask that I had used many times. It covered all of my face and you couldn't see my eyes either. I scrapped my hair back into a tight pony tail and put my hood up again. I finished the rest of the vodka and had a last smoke. I couldn't put it off any longer.

I placed the rifle back into the black case and put it into a large black backpack. I ripped an old t-shirt into strips and put it in the bag along with a few bottles of vodka. I put the KA-BAR in my pocket and began to climb down the tree.

"Udači, Marie" I muttered to myself, it's Russian for good luck and I was going to need it.

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	12. Comfort

**Wow this took me ages! It is my longest ever chapter and it's the size of about three, so be grateful :D. Hope you like it! Please enjoy**

Bella's POV

I took the bike out of the car and tried to shut the boot door as silently as I could. I tucked my shoe laces into my shoes to make sure I didn't catch it on anything and checked that my gloves were on securely. I made my way into the nearby forest with the dirtbike, when I was far enough away from the house, I started it up and drove through the forest.

Although it was night, there was no clouds to hide the moonlight beaming through trees, so I was unable to ride through without a problem. The artic wind blasted into my face, it was unbearably cold. Although the sky was clear, it meant that there were no clouds to keep the warmth from the earth in, my dad taught me that. I made my way back onto the road and raced to my destination. Thinking about my parents now wasn't the best idea, I'm sure their disappointed in me. They would probably disown me anyway, if they were alive, I mean look at me! Look what I was about to do. I never wanted to do this again, but I had no choice. It was either this or the lives of innocents.

My target was chosen, the local gas station, what with its appealing high flammability and large amount of cash in there, it was the best place to go. I had an obsession with fire, it's kind of poetic, don't you think? Seeing as my parents were burned alive, it seems ironic even. Fire comforted me in a way, knowing that it was the last thing my parents ever felt, ever saw. It was like experiencing it with them every time I saw fire, like I was there on their deathbed saying good bye.

As soon as the gas station was in sight, I stopped the bike. I decided to put it in a near by parking lot of Newton's Outfitters. I hid the dirt bike under one of the remaining cars and made my was over to the gas station. I took out my 103 and quickly assembled it. Here goes nothing.

Edward's POV

_"Save me!" Bella screamed. Where was she? I couldn't see anything, I could only hear her pleas. I tried moving but I couldn't feel any of my muscles, it was like I wasn't even there. I tried desperately to find her, but I couldn't even find myself._

_"Edward!" I couldn't help her, I couldn't save her, everything was so dark, everything was nothing, there was nothing there, only her voice. Suddenly I felt her hand on mine, I grabbed it quickly, I held onto her hand but I couldn't see it, I couldn't see anything. Somehow we were broke apart and I felt our hands being torn apart. _

_"EDWARD!" _

I woke up startled in my bed with sweat covering my forehead. I looked around my room, gaining back my senses. That was a horrible dream, a dream that took everything away from me, all of my senses, evaporated in an instance. I only heard Bella's voice, I only felt her hand. Without her I was nothing. What that what my dream was telling me?

I laid in bed pondering these things and pondering over Bella, again. I thought I was getting a little obesessed with her, every time my mind would wander, I would always be lead back to her. Could I ever be with her? I know I've only just met her, but something was pulling me towards her like gravity, I couldn't stop it, I couldn't help it. It was different, I knew that. No girl had ever made me feel like this, and the electricity I felt everytime I touched her? Again another mystery. I wanted to unravel the mystery so desperately, to find out her memories, to find out the trigger for her panic attack.

The morning swiftly came and Emmett was shocked to see I was already awake, normally he has to shout in my ear before he even gets a response from me. I was looking forward to school that day, I would see Bella again. The thought of her made me smile.

"What are you so happy about?" Alice asked when I had got myself ready and was eating my breakfast.

"Why wouldn't I be happy on a day like this?" I replied again smiling. I watched the beautiful sunrise scatter its colours across the sky which was free from the dull grey clouds that usually loomed above Forks.

"Oh by the way, we are getting picked up by Rosalie and Jasper today in her convertible,"

"Why?" We always pick them up in my Volvo. I had only rode in Rosalie's convertible when my car had a broken- NO!

"I'm sorry to say this, but your Volvo won't start. I saw it in vision when I got up this morning and then I texted Jasper for the ride," I grabbed the keys and rushed out of the door, not believing a word she said. To my horror and disbelief, the engine wouldn't start and I only heard a single click. After a few more tries I finally gave up. I loved this car, it's my pride and joy. Stupid little pixie! Ruin my day why don't you?

I headed back inside regretting my previous thoughts. Of course I knew it wasn't Alice's fault, but it was good to blame someone never the less. Rosalie and Jasper arrived in the convertible late, no surprise. Apparently there was spider in the car and Rosalie wouldn't drive it until it had gone. I can imagine Jasper searching her car for the little spider. We are millions of times bigger than spiders, and yet Rosalie is scared of them. She's got to think of what the little spider would feel like.

We arrived late at school where everyone was already inside. Thanks Rosalie. At least I missed the first ten minutes of English. We were learning about Shakespearian sonets and how they portray love. I listened for the first five minutes and then gave up, this happened for my next three lessons as well. After 3rd period, as I was on my way to Math, Lauren was running down the corridor crying. I would of felt sympathetic but she was clearly faking it and she kept running up to people going "Oh my gawd!". Again she was on another attention seeking mission, what did I ever see in her?

None of the teacher's seemed to notice that I wasn't listening to them, except for my Maths teacher just before lunch.

"Mr. Cullen, I'd like a word with you please," Mrs Butler told me as every one else headed for lunch. Here we go, I thought.

"Tomorrow, I'd like to see you full concentrating. It is incredibly rude to see one staring into..." she paused raising her hands and quoting with her fingers "space." Did she seriously just say one? What is with her? After lecturing more about how "one" should concentrate and how "one" should listen, I made my way to lunch. I opened the cafeteria doors, excited to see Bella but the second I did someone had launched themselves at me.

I found myself being hugged fiercily by a smaller hoodied person all in black. Surely it isn't Bella? My heart raced as she looked up slowly at me. Again I felt the strange surge of electricity and even more strange a sense of relief. Finally I could see her instead of my horrific dream which never allowed me. An expression of realisation swept over her face. What did she just realise?

Before I knew it she had gone as quickly as she came and I was left standing there wondering what the hell had just happened. I looked around and noticed that the entire cafeteria was silent and all eyes were on me. I usually didn't mind the attention, but now it was extremely awkward. Before I could go over to our usual table, Rosalie and Alice had rushed past me in pursuit of Bella, I assumed. I walked over to Jasper and Emmett in a daze as the cafeteria slowly filled with its normal noise of chatter and babble. It wasn't long before Alice and Rosalie had returned.

"Is Bella okay?" I quickly asked.

"She's a little upset and she kinda ran out on us," Rosalie said. Upset? What was she upset about? I didn't know that being hugged by myself would cause such an emotional outcome. Surely I wasn't the cause of it?

"Why is she upset?" I asked Alice and Rosalie. They both shrugged their shoulders and Alice answered,

"She left before we had a chance to ask," I got up from my seat and headed out of the cafeteria. Where could she be? Last time she ran away, Alice saw her in her car. I went to the parking lot and heard loud music that seemed to be coming from Bella's car. The volume increased the nearer I got, I doubted that she would ever hear me. I looked through the window to see her mouthing along to the song.

"Bella?" I said, knocking onto the window. She continued mouthing along to the words, if she was singing I wouldn't of known, the music was at such an unbearable volume it was impossible to know. I got into her car again said her name. I tapped on her shoulder knowing I wouldn't get a response by verbally calling her. She seemed extremely startled when she opened her eyes and I felt a worried expression form over my face. She turned off the music and my ears were ringing slightly. I watched her examine me, she didn't look at my face but looked lower down near my neck. Bella seemed to relax slightly after her little examination of me.

"Why do you want, Edward?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay,"

"I'm fine," she was clearly lying, why wouldn't she tell me what was wrong?

"What do you care anyway?"

"I can't really help it," I really shouldn't of said that.

"What?" she said confused. I had to quickly think of something that would give me actual reason to care for her.

"When your lab partner goes unconscious during the first five minutes of class, it's kinda difficult not to care," I said. Obviously I couldn't say that it wasn't just that, that my feeling for her was something different, something often incomprehendable. She looked uncomfortable after I said this and looked down at her hands avoiding my gaze. She began twindling her thumbs in the silence.

"Wanna have lunch now?" I finally said.

"Sure," she replied grabbing her bag from the backseat. We got out of the car and headed to the cafeteria together.

"Nice car you've got," I commented during another awkward silence.

"Thanks,"

"It's an A4, right?"

"The Chief got it for me. Well, I didn't get it for free. I have to work it off, which explains last night,"

"Oh right," I simply said. Last night, don't remind me. "I'm LAUREN MALLORY", I smiled again at that. We found Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and Emmett sitting outside on a bench. We sat down and greeted them all. I watched Bella eat another apple, one that Alice bought for her. She put on large black sunglasses which hid her eyes and bright sunlight was reflecting off them. This morning I loved the weather, now I hated it and longed for the clouds to cover overhead. Then she wouldn't have reason to wear sunglasses and I could see her eyes. I didn't even know what colour they were. I gazed at them as she talked to the others, her head was facing the other way so she wouldn't be able to see me staring. Lunch ended too soon to my dismay and myself and Bella headed off to another informative Biology class.

"It must be fun," Bella commented on our way to class. I noticed many students giving me questioning glares, I ignored them as I answered Bella.

"What's fun?"

"You know hanging out with your own family,"

"Yeah, we always have a blast,"

"I bet it's nice to have someone there for you," I felt a sudden urge to comfort her when she said this, I wanted to tell her that I would be there for her, that I would be that someone. She then quickly walked the rest of the way in front of me and sat down in the same seat as yesterday.

"Settle down class, settle down," Mr. Banner said to us, the conversations quickly died and silence loomed over us.

"Today we will be watching a video on biocummulation and biological control," he said while pulling a tall metal frame on wheels that held an old TV and VCR. He shoved a tape in and turned the lights off. I immediately felt hyper aware of Bella sitting next to me and I yearned to just hold her in the darkness. It was too like the nightmare I had last night, where I couldn't see anything, I could only hear Bella screams and feel her hand being ripped away from me. I placed my hands onto the desk trying to stop myself from holding her. Bella strangely did the same thing and placed her hands onto the desk as well.

She slowly moved her hand onto mine and I gave her a confused look. Could she read my mind or something? The mysterious electricity that I felt last night was circling through my body. Bella seemed more comfortable at our contact and so did I. I kept wondering why she was holding my hand but I didn't ask her. If I could hold her hand forever, I thought, I would never be bored. At the end of class, I didn't want to let go of her hand, it was too like my nightmare and I didn't want to lose her, but unfortunately we had to. Bella was first out of class and I feared that she regreted it. I quickly followed in pursuit but she was already in the girls changing room. I sadly got changed for Gym unable to stop thinking of Bella. This wasn't normal was it?

Today, we played basketball, again like Monday my head was somewhere else and I nearly got hit in the shoulder. I watched Bella throughout the game, she definitely wasn't graceful let's put it that way. I laughed as she hit someone in the face, but I didn't when she got hit in the face. Thankfully she was fine and at the end of Gym she hurried off. I got changed as fast as I could, I wanted to talk to her about lunch and Biology, twice the electricity, twice she ran away. I grabbed my bag and jogged to the parking lot to catch her up.

My heart fell as I watched her making out with another guy, who I had never seen before. Rage and jealousy made my blood boil and all I wanted to do was punch his face. That must of been her boyfriend, why wouldn't someone as beautiful as her not have one? I was so stupid, to actually think we could be with each other. He was wearing all black, just like Bella and appeared to be the owner of a black bike. I ran to Rosalie's convertible, watching Bella and_ him _kiss again. I got in the car and waiting for the others before we finally pulled away. I stared at them as we exited the parking lot. The other watched as well.

"Woo, I never knew Bella had a boyfriend," Emmett commented jokily as we drove back to our house. He was sitting in the passenger seat in the front, next to Rosalie who was driving. I was at the back in a window seat, with Alice in the middle and Jasper the other side.

"Yeah, he looks really hot in that black leather jacket," Alice teased, nudging me with her elbow. I gave her an evil glare, but her smile was wiped away and her eyes went blank. Was she having another vision?

"You okay Alice?" I asked her as she seemed to come back from space.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Do you think we should have a DJ at our party?" she said quickly changing the conversation. I was the only one who noticed her having a vision and she didn't want to tell me. The conversation quickly changed to the party and it lasted us all the way back to our house. Friday was normally our movie night, where Rosalie and Jasper would stay round ours and watch a movie. But with the party on Friday we decided to have it tonight on Wednesday. It was basically a chance for them to make-out with each other.

As the food and drinks were being prepared, I asked Rosalie to check out my Volvo. She was good with fixing up cars and knew her stuff. She checked it out and told me that a wire leading to the car battery needed replacing as it was corroded. In no time, Rosalie had replaced the wire and the Volvo was working fine again.

Due to the spider this morning, causing Rosalie and Jasper as well as the rest of us to be late, they forget to bring round a DVD for us to watch. Although I had the largest CD collection, they had the largest DVD collection. Alice and Emmett decided to go with Jasper and Rosalie to their house to choose a movie for us to watch. During that time, I decided to play Bella's song that I had erm "borrowed" on Monday. I picked up the sheet music that I had kept in my bedroom and headed to the piano in the lounge. Before I played her song, I practised for a while, seeing as I haven't played in a couple years.

Once I was ready, I ran through the song in my head and began playing. The notes sounded haunted and beautiful at the same time. There was no doubt that Bella wasn't talented. She was, I proved, an amazing artist as she was a composer. The song had much emotion drifting through it and I was completely lost in it. It also, somehow, was intoxicating and it made me go into a trance. I played the finally notes that hovered poignantly in the silence. I turned around to see my mother, Esme, crying silently, as well as Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie standing there with their mouths wide open. I never heard any of their entrances, I must of been so lost in the song.

"It was beautiful," my mother said with tears falling down her cheek. At least it wasn't me who found Bella's song to be so beautiful and moving.

"Bella wrote it," I said to her. I picked up the music sheets and placed them back into my school bag. At least now that I have played her song, I can give it back to her. Bella, I thought, how your beauty spreads to everything you do, her drawings, her music. I knew that she couldn't be mine, she was already taken by that guy! The identical rage I felt from earlier was present again, although this time it was weaker. My mind was beginning to accept that we could never be together. How could that guy just take advantage of her like that? Even if they are going out, it's not right! A beauty like her should never be taken advantage of, only admired and cared for.

After more comments about Bella's song, we started getting ready for our movie night. They had chosen to watch A Cinderella Story, I rolled my eyes knowing the girls had picked it, Emmett and Jasper would never in their right minds watch it. As Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper settled themselves of the sofas, I helped Alice with the food and drink which was a perfect time to ask her about her vision.

"What did you see, Alice?" I said, her face turned worried and she seemed upset.

"I saw the gas station b-blow up," she weeped as I gave her a reassuring hug. The gas station is going to blow up? Why was she so upset about it though?

"Why are you so upset, Alice?"

"Someone could die!"

"Did you see anyone get hurt?"

"Well no, but-"

"Surely you would of seen someone getting hurt then?"

"I g-guess so,"

"Don't worry about it, Alice, these things happen, I'm sure there'll be no one there anyway," she nodded her head slightly, but I could tell she wasn't convinced. I let go of her and she walked back to the lounge with the popcorn. I followed her and we watched the movie.

How could Rosalie and Alice even like this? It was so cheesy and stupid. I kept rolling my eyes as I predicted the next line correctly each time. The ending nearly made me throw up! Let's face is Austin is an asshole if he believes what everyone else says. So what if she's diner girl? Bella is a waitress, so what? At least she actually works for her money, unlike some of the stupid rich people at our school. Lauren comes to mind here. Frankly, I think waitresses are sexy, Bella being one of them. If you're in love, occupations don't matter. I rolled my eyes yet again at the happy ending. Finally the torture was over. Hold up, didn't I just think that Bella was sexy waitress? I mean she was, but that didn't give me the right to just kept thinking it. Like I am now. And now. Shut up you stupid brain!

I flipped my mind to more pressing matters at hand, like Alice's vision. She still seem worried, maybe I should tell Jasper.

"Jasper?" I called out to him in my bedroom. I knew he was next door, in Alice's room. Jasper and Rosalie always stayed round after movie nights.

"Yeah," he said opening my door. He was wearing some pajamas that I assumed he had brought over. I was still wearing the same clothes all day.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Yeah sure, shoot,"

"Well, Alice had a vision earlier and I think she might do something stupid, so can you make sure you don't let her out of your sight?" Jasper didn't need to know the whole truth. I didn't think that Alice would want me telling him anyway.

"Sure, sure,"

"Thanks Jasper," he closed my door and I jumped on my bed. I felt this urge inside of me telling me to go to the gas station, to make sure no one was there anyway. After a few hours of listening to some music, I was sure that everyone was asleep. I grabbed my keys and my cell phone, just in case anything did go wrong, and quietly tip-toed down the stairs.

I'm sure nothing would happen anyway, I mean sure the gas station would blow up, but things like that just happen. I gently opened the front door, cursing it for one loud creak, and headed out to my car. I started it up as quietly as I could as drove away, thanking the engine for being near enough silent. When I was far enough away I picked up speed and raced to the gas station. I wasn't in that much of a hurry, I always drove fast.

I found the gas station in piece, not blown up, the same as always. I parked a good hundred yards away just in case it did happen. I watched it for about half an hour before getting incredibly bored. Not one car had arrived, not one car was even there. I wasn't sure there was even someone inside. I got out of my car and waited for a while longer. It was freezing tonight, the earlier warmth from day had gone without a trace. I shivered and decided to make my way over to the convenience store that seemed to be open. As I entered I found one guy reading a magazine at the counter. He looked at me for a moment before going back to his magazine. I walked down an isle looking at its contents for about fifteen minutes. What was I even doing here? Hmm, what flavour gum should I get? Apple or orange?

"Hey, you gonna actually buy something or what?" the guy said looking up from his magazine.

"Erm yeah, I just can't decide,"

"Right," he said sarcastically looking back down at his comic, which read Iron Man on the fron. He unwrapped some gum and threw it in his mouth.

"So, what time do you shut?"

"We're open all night, all day, 24/7, except Christmas, Thanksgiving and New Years," he replied robotically while still chewing on his gum and reading at his comic.

"Why don't you have the night off, I mean no one comes here at night anyway," I said, if Alice's vision was true, it was best if he wasn't here. He looked up at me as five loud noises ripped through the air. It was gunfire. I flew to the ground as another six rounds fired, that was a fucking machine gun wasn't it. Some of the lights went out, one above me had gone out hiding me in the darkness. What was going on? I stayed glued to the floor as I heard something smash, something then fell to the floor. It sounded like plastic.

"Get away from here," I heard someone snarl. It wasn't the guy behind the counter, it was someone else. I looked up to see a hooded figure with a rifle emptying out the till. He had a large backpack on his back, what the hell was that for? To fill in with money, I answered myself. There was no way in hell I was going to stop him with that sort of fire power. What do I do?

Bella's POV

I kept a good 100 yards from the gas station as I examined it. Two cameras outside, one above the door, one at the back. No cars, one person inside, where there would be at least one camera, possibly two. I slowly walked to the back, examining the camera. It was facing the other way and could easily be disconnected. I put the 103 over my shoulder with its strap and took out my KA-BAR. I reached up to the camera and sliced the wire. Two to go. I put the knife back into my pocket.

I tried to turn off my mind, as it were, so I could go through the next ten minutes without actually being there or seeing anything that will happen. I knew that would never work though what if something went wrong and I was half asleep? The vodka in my bag seemed to be a good idea, but drinking my problems away won't work, I knew that from the many times I tried to do that.

Instead of the vodka, I held the 103 in my hands. I took out an extra magazine and stuffed it in my pocket, hopefully that won't be necessary. I walked slowly around the side of the store and as the front came in sight, I took a deep breath and fired.

Edward's POV

I laid down on the floor and began to army crawl to the till. Loud clinging sounds of glass bottles filled the dead silent air. When I had reached the till I saw that the robber had moved to the alcohol section, so I had my chance to escape through the back door behind the counter. I sprinted out of the back until I was a good fifty yards from the gas station.

That guy was going to blow it up wasn't he? I watched as the inside of the store was being set alite. I stood mesmerised watching it burn. The flames were so bright in the darkness. I could only see the back of the convenience store, the gas pumps were hidden from my view. Who the hell would do that? Rob a place and then set it on fire.

The flames ascended into the sky more quickly that I would of thought possible. The heat had already reached me, creating a warm comfortable blanket around me. I took a step forward, absorbing the warmth of the fire, the air was abnormally cold that night and the heat kept me from my constant shivers errupting up my spine.

As I was staring at the flames, something knocked me to the ground. At the same time the flames from the building had erupted into a gigantic fireball. The brightness of the explosion was so much more than I would of ever imagined. A wave of intense heat and smoke blinded me for a moment, but it wasn't the heat and the smoke. I found the hooded and masked figure remove their arms from me, which had shielded me from the explosion. This person had just saved me?

They suddenly shrieked in pain, his voice sounded strange, too high for some reason and, even more strangely, vaguely familiar. I stared at the mask that hid the face of the figure as he looked down to his leg and removed something from it. Again the figure moaned in anguish and revealed a piece of metal covered in blood. We looked at each other for a moment that seemed to make time irrelevant and useless. My cell phone suddenly started ringing and before I knew it, the stranger had removed it from my pocket and had smahed it onto the concrete. He then stood up and began sprinting away with a slight limp.

I laid dazed on the ground for awhile longer trying to understand what the hell had just happened. I snapped out of it and stood looking at the treachourous site in front of me. Thick black smoke poured into the sky, with the bright flames erasing any trace of the gas station. There was only fire.

Bella's POV

I aimed for the camera above the door and pulled the trigger. Five rounds. I stormed into the store, taking out the final camera and a few of the lights. Six rounds. I had nineteen left. The guy behind the counter had his eyes open so wide, I thought they would pop out. He dropped his comic, I thought it was, and raised his hands into the air. I walked towards the counter with the 103 aimed at his head, I wasn't taking any chances. As soon as I had reached him, I held the rifle onto his chest. I walked around the counter and searched him, I found a cell phone among a few packets of gum. The cell phone needed to be destroyed, I couldn't have him calling the police quicker than I needed to.

"Get away from here," I said menacingly trying to lower my voice slightly. My normal voice wasn't as high-pitched as normal girls, aka Lauren, so it wasn't difficult for me to pass for a guy with a slightly high-pitched voice. The guy quickly ran out of the back door without looking back. I put the 103 over my shoulder, glad that there was only one witness to this heinous act who thankfully wasn't in danger anymore.

I emptied out the till, it didn't look as if there was as much as the last time I came here, as a customer instead of a thief. I stuffed all of the notes into the bag and headed for the alcohol section. I emptied out my own vodka and began opening them and then stuffing a piece of ripped cloth into them. They're called Molotov Cocktails. Otherwise known as gasoline bombs or Molotov bombs. You get a glass bottle of gas, or in my case vodka, you put a piece of cloth inside of it, but not all of it. You set alite the cloth on the outside of the bottle and there is you Molotov. I quickly made five of them adding some sugar as well, the sugar makes the smoke a lot thicker, giving me more cover.

I lit the first one and threw it across the store. A shot of adrenaline made my eyes widen as the beautiful fire scattered across the floor. I threw two more before pouring beer all over the counter, I set it alite and again watched the vivid flames grow in intensity. I pulled up my sleeves due to the intense heat and felt a strange sense of comfort grew inside me as I threw three more. I threw another but misjudged the amount alcohol and the flames lashed back at me. The fire had catched onto my arms and I put them out as quickly as I could. I poured a bottle of water on them before pulling down my sleeves again. That's going to leave another fucking scar.

Most of the store was on fire now, with the thick black smoke filling up the air. Before leaving, I put as many vodka bottles into my bag as I could fit, as well as shelf full of tablets and cigarettes. These things shouldn't be wasted. I headed out of the front of the burning building and headed for the gas pumps. I poured the gas all over the concrete floor and left them running. It was time to get out of there.

I chose a cheap whiskey to pour again over the concrete as I made my way over to the back of the store. I was creating a line of whiskey to then set alite, the fire would then reach the gas pumps and well I'll leave that to your imagination. Once I was far enough away, I took a swig of the whiskey and dropped the lighter onto the concrete. The flammes were quickly heading to the pumps and I turned to go to my bike.

My heart stuttered as I saw the impossible. I watched in horror as Edward stood staring at the flames. Why was he here? How could he be here? No car was there! Only the guy behind the counter. Is this real? Is my mind playing tricks on me?

I looked back to the raging fire that would soon explode, my feet ran towards him before I could even think about it. I knocked Edward to the ground as the gas station exploded behind us. I wrapped my arms around him, to protect him as best as I could. After the intense heat of the explosion had washed over my back, I released him. I felt something impale my leg and it took a few seconds before the pain engulfed me. A shriek escaped my mouth and I could see Edward give me a confused look, he could tell that something was up with my voice.

I searched my leg for the wound and found something sticking out of the back of my thigh. I pulled it out, again an involuntary moan of agony escaped through my lips, and I revealed a large piece of metal covered in blood. I looked away, it had got at least three inches into my thigh. I dropped it onto the floor and turned to face him.

Edward was staring at me with such intensity that I thought he knew who I was. I stared back unable to look away, I couldn't move. It was like some invisible force pulling me towards him, keeping me locked in his eyes. Thankfully his phone started ringing, making him look at his pocket, so I was able to break away from his gaze. I took out his cell phone and smashed it on the ground. Sorry Edward, I need every second I can get.

I looked at him one last time before running away. The pain in my thigh was throbbing and I could feel the blood dripping down my leg. Fuck. I limped over to my bike as fast as I could, never looking back. Before I got on, I took out some extra cloth that I had in my bag, then I wrapped it around the wound. I clenched down on my teeth as I tightened the cloth.

Alice's POV

I laid in my bed, constantly turning over unable to sleep. My vision from earlier kept bothering me. What if Edward was wrong? What if someone did get hurt? Then it would be all my fault! I took out my I-pod from my school bag and listened to some music which would hopefully sent me off to sleep.

After a good twenty minutes, I gave up and went downstairs for a drink of water. A Cinderella Story was really good I thought, remanising over the evening. I could tell however that Edward wasn't enjoying it. Jasper and Emmett had to agree with Rosalie and myself of course. I smiled as I thought of Jasper.

The smile then was wiped off my face as I had a vision. I saw the gas station being blown up again, but this time Edward was there. As soon as the vision ended, I raced back up the stairs to Edward's bedroom. To my shear horror, Edward wasn't there. Panic started to overtake me and tears fell down my cheek. I went back to bedroom next door and tried to shake Jasper awake.

"Jasper. Jasper! Get up! Edward is in trouble! " I said, putting on a jacket and some shoes. Finally, he mumbled and got out of bed. I put my cell phone in my pocket and dragged Jasper down the stairs.

"Alice? Where are we going? Please can we go shopping in the morning?" he said yawning, still half asleep. I took my dad's car keys from the kitchen counter and raced to the garage. I pushed Jasper inside and started up the Mercedes. Finally, Jasper was awake and he noticed the tears on my cheeks.

"Alice, what's wrong? Where are we going?"

"Earlier, I had a v-vision that the gas station was going to blow up,"

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was going to, it's just that, Edward convinced me that nothing was going to happen and all. I mean it's not every day that the gas station blows up, and he told me there was nothing to worry about. But I just saw the same thing again and this time Edward was there and he's going to get hurt!" I cried, racing to the gas station. Please let Edward be okay! Please!

I screamed as a large fireball shot up into the air a few miles ahead. I covered my face with my hands and screamed again. Edward! No! How could this of happened? I felt myself being moved and I opened my watery eyes to see Jasper pulling me to his seat as he switched with me. He took the wheel and drove even faster than I did.

"Alice, call him. He could still be okay," I obliged and took out the pink cell phone from my pocket and dialed his number. I wiped the tears away and felt a weight being lifted off me as it started to ring. Answer! Answer, I prayed. The ringing then was cut off.

"No!" I cried.

"What is it?"

"It s-stopped ringing!" I said again, feeling sobs erupt through me.

"Alice, it's going to be okay. Trust me," he said taking my hand. I held it tightly as we made our way to the gas station. The black smoke got closer and closer. We arrived within minutes and I saw Edward standing about forty yards from the source of the smoke and fire. I jumped out of the car and ran to Edward.

"Edward! Are you okay?" I said giving him a large hug. I felt so happy that he was alive, that he wasn't hurt! Thank god.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine,"

"Don't you ever do that to me again, okay?" I cried looking up at him. He nodded and looked on to the fire. Jasper had joined us and he called the police station. He notified them of the fire and within about ten minutes, two fire trucks and a police cruiser had arrived.

A good dozen onlookers had joined us, many of them in pajamas, watching the fire and the thick black smoke rise into the sky. The firefighters did the best that they could, but were unable to save the store. I shivered and folded my arms together, the heat of the fire that had kept me warm, was decreasing. I felt arms being wrapped around mine and I looked up to see Jasper smiling at me. I smiled back and laughed at him. I forgot to dress him on our way here, so he was himself in his pajamas, but not any ordinary pajamas. No. They were the ones I got him for his birthday a few months ago and said I love shoes on them with a bright pink stiletto on the front.

I saw a few firefighters and onlookers give him strange looks. I laughed even more but stopped as I watched the fire burn everything in its path and the thick black smoke fill the sky.

Bella's POV

The race had begun back to Charlie's house. I was counting on the fact that he was such a loud snorer that he wouldn't of heard the explosion. It would only be a matter of minutes before someone would call him. The cool air was heaven compared to the heat of the fire. I drove at full speed, making the engine whine in protest. Come on! Don't give up on me now!

The bag on my back became heavy and difficult to carry on me at such high speeds. My eyes started to shut and the bike slowed down as my hand was losing its grip on the accelorator. No! I can do this! Keep going. Don't stop.

I widened my eyes and held on to the accelerator as tight as I could. Don't black out now. I'm nearly there. I tried to keep my mind conscious, giving myself equations and problems that I needed to solve.

Why was Edward there? How could he be there? There was no car there. I kept asking these questions to myself as I raced through the forest. I dumped the bike under some bushes and began the horrific walk back to the house. Although it wasn't far, it seemed miles away with my leg.

_At least he is safe. _I murmured to myself. The climb up the tree was excruciating, especially with my burning arms, and I feared that my shrieks alone would wake Charlie. I climbed through the window out of breath, shutting it behind me and chucked the bag and the 103 in my closet before climbing under the sheets. I pulled the hoodie down and took off the mask, putting it under the pillow.

I heard the door open and I pretended that I was asleep. Ow! My leg was bleeding again and the blood began to seep onto the sheets. As soon as I heard Charlie go down the stairs, I ripped of the sheets and I could see in the moonlight that they were covered in blood. I waited impatiently for Charlie's cruiser to leave before I dragged myself to the bathroom. From the race back, I could feel the heat roll off of me, so I took off my trousers and hoodie.

I ran my burnt arms and my bleeding leg under the shower, watching a red pool form around the drain. Fuck. I held my thigh as I limped back to my room. I searched my closet for the bag I had travelled to Forks in and found the sewing box. I grabbed a bottle of vodka and my lighter from my other bag and dragged myself again to the bathroom.

I took a long swig of the vodka before I poured it over my thigh. I felt such an amount of burning pain that I nearly fell to the ground. I held onto the shower door for support as another wave of pain struck me. The wound needed to be clean or it could get infected, which wasn't on my high priority list.

I flicked on the lighter and placed the needle in the flame. You never know what kind of shit's on it. I examined the deep cut that was still bleeding and began sewing it up. I bit down on my lip as the pain kept invading me. Once the surgery was over, I wrapped it with my hoodie and went back to my bedroom. I covered my burnt arms with an old damp t-shirt that kept them cool.

I took out the tablets that I had stolen and looked for painkillers and sleeping pills. First I took a handful of nurofen tablets and a couple of aspirin. I then searched for some sleeping pills to knock me out for the next eight hours or so. I did not want to know what sort of nightmares were waiting for me.

After swallowing them, I threw myself on my bed and let the pills drown me into unconsciousness. Before the pills had drowned me, I saw an image of Edward reaching out to me and I tried so desperately to reach back. It was too late, the darkness had won me over. Yet again.

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	13. Imperfection

**So it's my birthday. Yippee. Not. I mean I like birthdays, but just not when everyone is telling you happy birthday every five seconds. So no happy birthdays please. Only if you give me like fifty reviews. So in other words no thanks. **

**This chapter isn't complete, I'm only putting it up because I want to give something back. :D Enjoy.**

Edward's POV

It had been a few hours since the explosion, since I was saved. Why did they save me? My mind gave me no answer, which frustrated me beyond anything I have ever felt. The flames were not as intense before, with water being sprayed all over them. But still they raged and burnt all of the gas from the pumps.

My mother and father, Esme and Carlisle had joined us along with Emmett and Rosalie. It's not everyday the only gas station in town sets on fire. We've been here for a couple years now and there hasn't ever been a fire. One of the two fire engines came from a neighbouring town, why would Forks need anything more?

Half the town was here, enjoying the spectacle. Some of them in their pajamas, like Jasper, who does look very fetching in that shirt. He sure does love Alice, especially if she gets him to wear that sort of clothing. Then again, Alice was a very pushy person and didn't take no for an answer.

It was nearly 3AM when Chief Swan approached me. He asked me if I was here before it happened and then told me he would question me after school. He had to question the shop assistant who apparently was in a state of shock. Poor guy. I agreed and he told us to head on home. The Chief had already cleared a few spectators away and many started to leave on their own accord as well. They had seen enough and the weather was too cold for people to last much longer any way.

I drove the Volvo back with Esme, Carlisle, Jasper and Alice had taken the Mercedes that Jasper and Alice originally took to drive there, and Rosalie and Emmett drove back in the convertible which the others took to get the gas station.

Esme questioned me about what happened and why I was there in the first place, I replied vaguely saying I didn't get any sleep. I was certain that the seating arrangements were for my parents to interrogate us.

I wasn't up for answering her questions, the adenaline had worn off hours ago, leaving me drained and weak. Alice would of probably told Carlisle everything, she wasn't good at keeping secrets. Not that any of this was a secret. My parents knew of Alice's ability of seeing visions of the future. They did not shun her like usual parents, who would have sent her to an asylum. My parents knew the truth. However strange it was.

As soon as I had arrived back home and entered my bedroom, I fell on the bed and forced my eyes shut. But all I could see was the mask that my savoir wore. How cliche. Sometimes there was no other was to describe things. They had saved me for reasons that would never be known. Maybe, somehow, I could thank them. Who ever they were. What ever they were.

Bella's POV

I woke up in the recovery position, which was what I needed. Recovery. I slowly got out of bed, trying to put as little pressure on my right thigh as possible. Fuck it hurt. Thankfully the cut was at the back of my thigh and not on the side, which would of hurt if I slept on it all night. Charlie wasn't in, he must still be at the gas station. At least there was something exciting going on in this boring old town. Even if that meant Port Angeles trips to get gas.

I took a few more painkillers before taking a long cold shower. I scrapped of the dried blood on my leg and examined my arms.

They were red and had swollen slightly, but were no more than a second-degree burn.

I smiled, knowing that I didn't need to be hospitalized. There were a few blisters suggesting partial thickness burns which could take up to three weeks to heal.

Lovely.

My leg would need to be re-stitched in a couple of days, but so far, it looked very good. I got out of the shower and got changed for school. Crap. School. I had to go in today, I mean wouldn't it be a little suspicious if I didn't go?

I put on the usual, black hoodie, boots, gloves and a blue Apocalyptica t-shirt. I also put some wet cloth over my arms, and tied them around my arm, they still felt really hot. My reflection from the mirror was well, pretty bad, I had horrible black circles under my eyes and my hair was a mess. Fuck it, I thought.

I emptied out the heavy black bag from last night onto my bed. I put all of the vodka bottles in my closet, except for one which I started drinking. Mmm, I looked at the label, Jack Daniels. At least I got the good stuff, I thought to myself.

That was me, Bella, always an optimist. I then started counting the bundles of dollar notes, 100, 200... 1000. Okay one grand, four to go. 100, 200... 1000. Two grand, three left. After the next grand, there were hardly any notes left. 100, 200...589 dollars. I took another swig of the Jack Daniels, I only had 3589 dollars, I needed 1411 more fucking dollars.

I searched through my closet for my own money that I had accumulated through the last couple of years. 100, 200... 1000. 411 dollars left. 100, 200, 300, 400, 411. Yes! Thank fuck! But I had less than 100 dollars left. Let's hope I don't need money. I tied the five grand with a spare hairband, stuffing it a small black leather bag and put it in the bottom of my school bag.

It's nearly over. All I had to do was give him the money and he would be gone.

I hoped.

How hope was such a fault in our human make-up. I packed the rest of my school books and made my way out of my bedroom. I stopped at the door, hovering for a moment. Something could go wrong today. When has it ever gone right? I answered myself. I moved towards the closet, hesitating again as I opened the door. I pulled out the black case before I could change my mind and headed down the stairs.

The clock told me school had started five minutes ago. Oh well. What does school matter when you are trying to save people's lives? I knew Kyle to well. I knew what he do if he didn't get what he wanted. My hands were tied, I had to do the right thing even if it meant blowing up a gas station in the process. I locked the door and got into the Audi, noting that my leg wasn't as painful as I thought it was going to be, even with the painkillers.

I drove to school, full speed of course, listening to From the Red by Destroy the Runner. I mouthed along with the beautiful lyrics not up to screaming.

I saw the future in a tree outside.  
There was your heart, and there was mine.  
This love, torn apart by every word.  
Is hopeless love all we have?  
Is this what we dreamed?  
I cannot go.  
Take this heart let it die slow.  
Tear away from the pain.  
Tear away from the red.  
Are we trading in our hearts for emptiness?  
Is this love or human condition?  
I close my eyes to see you.  
Hope is in your name.  
Where you are I cannot go.  
Take, this heart and let it go

How I wish I could tear away from the pain, from the past. Only death was the option, and I couldn't die now, I had people to save. Hope is in _your_ name? And who are _you_?

_Edward. _

I was surprised when something inside of my mind just thought his name. Maybe he was my hope. I didn't know.

I made it to school by the end of the song and parked my car in the usual spot. I smiled as I saw Edward's Volvo, what happened to it yesterday anyway? It was drizzling slightly and the grey clouds had returned, unlike yesterday where they were absent.

I walked quickly through the corridors, trying to avoid any teachers patrolling them. I was about to turn right but a large group of student swept their way in front of me. They had their bags with them and copies of Romeo and Juliet held in their hands. I recognized a few of them and I tagged along assuming they were in my Literature class.

We ended up in the auditorium, which was tiny, I had never seen one so small. Then again there weren't even four hundred students here, in this small town high school. Something caught my eye near the front seats, Alice was waving at me. I waved back, with less than a quarter of Alice's enthusiam. She was one quirky little pixie I must say. She gestured for me to come sit next to her and I shyly obliged. It's better than sitting on my own, I prayed.

"Hey Bella!" she greeted me and patted the chair next to her. We were about five rows from the front, most of the students were in front of us.

"Hey," I tried to match her enthusiam, but I didn't think anyone ever could. I sat down noticing Edward sitting next to her with his face in one of his hands. He looked troubled. Sorry again about your cell phone.

"OMG! What happened to your lip?" Alice said

Edward still hadn't looked at me, what if he knew I did it?

"Oh nothing, just bit down on it accidently," I lied, Alice didn't press it any further, for which I was glad. My lying capabilities were worse than a five year old.

Finally Edward looked up and gave me a small smile. This was reassuring, I doubt that he would smile at a thief and a blowing of gas station person. That really didn't make sense, but I knew what I was going on about. Oh and a shooter, almost forgot THAT one.

"What are you guys doing here?" Why was everyone here in fact? Was this a normal Thursday Literature get together?

"Our Literature teacher couldn't make it in today, so they jointed the first period's classes together! Isn't that great!?" I nodded in response.

"What happened to your teacher?"

"Apparently her son works, well worked, at the gas station and he seems pretty messed up so she's looking after him," I tried to hid a laugh at the thought of the guy's horrified face. I knew it wasn't right to laugh but I can remember the look on his face, it wasn't funny at the time but looking back on it now... I was so fucked up. "You heard about the gas station, right?"

"Err, yeah, it blew up or something..." I said trying to be as vague as possible. I wasn't the best at lying, well maybe the worst.

"It didn't just blow up by itself, someone robbed the place before they set fire to it. Edward here was stupid enough to be there at the time," Our gazes met Edward who looked at Alice before looking at me. He looked away not realising that Alice clearly wanted him to tell me what happened.

"Tell her what happened then!" Alice said, smacking his arm gently at his stupidity.

"Oh right, well someone robbed the place before blowing it up,"

"Little more detail, Edward,"

"Erm, well, I got out of there and the guy didn't see me. He started setting the place on fire and I couldn't help but stare, the flammes were so beautiful..." he trailed off looking into space. It took a long moment for him to snap out of it. "They saved me." he laughed slightly before a smile swept across his face.

What the hell?

"Are you okay, Edward?" Alice asked. Before Edward could reply, my Literature teacher hushed everyone in the small auditorium.

"Everyone settle down please. Thank you. As most of you know, Mrs. Carter, the other class's teacher, is unable attend school today. So we will be having an open debate on Shakespearian sonets," Murmuring erupted throughtout the hall, some of them sighs, others sounds of excitement.

"We will be comparing Sonnet 18, "Shall I Compare Thee?" and Sonnet 130, "My Mistress's eyes". We will look at how each of them portray love, and the similarities and differences between them," he began handing out sheets with the two sonnets on them. He told us to read them both in our heads, analysing the language and looking for differences and similarities.

"Shall I Compare Thee?" - Sonnet 18 by William Shakespeare

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?  
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.  
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,  
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.  
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,  
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;  
And every fair from fair sometime declines,  
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed.  
But thy eternal summer shall not fade  
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;  
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,  
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,  
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

"My Mistress' eyes" - Sonnet 130 by William Shakespeare

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;  
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;  
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;  
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.  
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,  
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;  
And in some perfumes is there more delight  
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.  
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know  
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;  
I grant I never saw a goddess go;  
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare  
As any she belied with false compare

I read them quickly and took out a pen, writing things on the page. I made some notes on both of them in case I was asked. Other than that I zoned out.

Edward liked fire? He thought the flammes were beautiful, just as I did? How strange. And then he smiles! Smiles when he remembers me knocking him to the ground as the gas station explodes. I was sure he didn't know it was me. I mean guys can make high-pitched noises when they are hurt, right?

Alice was leaning forward as she read and wrote down notes so I stole the chance of looking at Edward. He was gorgeous. There was no doubt about that. No wonder why every girl wanted him. I snapped out of it, noticing a few girls staring at Edward, giggling and pouting. I rolled my eyes, could they be any more obvious? Did they even know what subtely was?

When everyone finished, the teacher talked to us about what each of them meant. He opened the debate, asking us which one we prefer and why. All of their girls said they would want Sonnet 18, "Shall I Compare Thee?" told be to them, as it described how beautiful they were. I huffed in disagreement and the teacher seemed to notice this.

"Miss Sparrow, would you care to tell us your opinion," I blushed slightly before the uncomfort came. Everyone was looking at me. I spoke quickly, wanting out of the spotlight.

"Sonnet 18 clearly exaggerates the woman's beauty. Shakespeare mentions nothing of love for her, only admiration. At the end he complements himself by saying that her beauty will last for as "long as men can breathe" and forever in his words. The other sonnet is truthful and honest, and he tells us that he loves his mistress no matter how pale or ugly she is. He is saying that he will love her no matter how unperfect she is, no matter how human she is and not a beautiful goddess who doesn't walk on the ground. Only with imperfections can there be true love," Everyone was looking at me, even the few people behind me, I could feel their stares. I looked down to the floor trying to rid myself of the unwelcome eyes. Finally the teacher responded.

"Well, that was...very good, Miss Sparrow," I cringed at his words. Please, let this be over quickly. "You have analysed the sonnets very well indeed, I'm impressed. I must say," Finally. He moved on to other students who voiced their own opinions. I looked up after a minute or so when I thought the stares were removed from me.

"What is with everyone and the looks?" I said to Alice, I turned to her and found myself again being stared at by both Edward and Alice. Their mouths hung open, speechless, what the hell is up with them?

"What?" I asked, finally them closed their mouths and Edward turned away as Alice talked.

"Nothing, it's just, that was AMAZING Bella!"

"Erm, okay?" I moved myself slightly away from Alice, not wondering what sort of disease I would catch off of her. Amazing? Was she serious?

The rest of the class was uneventful, except for me peering at Edward now and again. He was one weird guy, with the whole let's smile when you get knocked down by robbers blowing up the place.

Alice, Edward and myself walked out of the auditorium together. We dropped Edward off and Alice and myself walked to our next classes. She finally finished babbling about the English debate and turned to me as she asked me her question that nearly exploded out of her.

"So, you and that guy, huh?"

"What guy?"

"Yesterday, guy on the bike, afterschool,"

"Oh right. _Him_,"

"So, you're going out with him?"

"Fuck no!" I immediately said back, more like shout. "No, I mean, we're not," I looked away from her curious eyes.

"I, erm, better get to class, Alice," Things were getting a little too personally for my liking. I liked this girl, but I'd rather not talk about bastards from my past, like Kyle. Actually anything from my past I'd like to keep behind me, done, finished, unchangable, in the past.

"Oh yeah, sit with us at lunch?"

"Yeah, sure," she beamed as I answered, then scurried off to her next class. I opened the door to my Spanish class and took my seat the back. I gained a few stares, but it was better than the whole class. A girl in all black sat down next to me, invading my personal space. Her name was Jessica, the annoying girl from the other day. It seemed weeks ago that I came here to Forks, but it had been only a few days.

She put her hoodie up and turned to me. My mouth dropped as I saw a lip ring and overly-thick black eyeliner over her eyes. She was a complete replica of me.

Jess's POV

I put the clip-on lip ring on my lip and added some extra black eyeliner around my eyes. Perfect.

I decided to go with the whole evil look, and the all black. The new student, Isabella Sparrow, had been here three days and had already gotten in with the Cullens!

I was here before the Cullens were even here!! So why does she get to sit with them!! They never let anyone into their circle, so this Isabella girl must of bribed them or something.

I mean, like, I was so much prettier than her and I knew that with this look, Edward will be begging me for a date.

I sat down next to her in Spanish and prepared myself for conversation. I put up my hoodie, showing I meant business. I was gonna ask her questions about what sort of things she was into, like music and books, so then I'll totally be like her and then Edward will go out with me.

What an excellent plan! I was sooooooooo clever. Like MEGA-CLEVA and O-M-G that rhymed.

Bella's POV

"Hey, Isabella!"

"Bella," I snapped. How dare she copy me and then call me Isabella. She never wore black clothes, only mini shirts and pink tops. What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she copying me? Apparently imitation is meant to be the finest form of flattery. Mmmhum. What a load of crap that is.

"Like right, Bella,"

"So, you're into like emo music aren't you, I mean I like all that kinda music. MCR are my fav and I love 30 Seconds to Mars-"

"Excuse me?" I interrupted.

"You're into like emo, right?"

"God no, I hate that fucking music,"

"But your clothes..."

"Wearing black makes me an emo, makes me listen to emo music? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Con permiso?" my spanish teacher Senora Garza said, in English it meant excuse me, I looked round and saw her by our table with her hands on her hips.

"Lo siento, senora, pero ella es un payaso," I replied, I said I'm sorry, Miss, but she is a clown. I didn't want to get too rude, I would of said puta, which meant whore or bitch.

"Presta atención, senorita," she turned around and strolled to front of the class. I got off easy there, normally it would of been a detention if I interrupted and swore in a class like that. Maybe I was beginning to like Forks after all.

I watched Jessica in the corner of my eye removing a clearly fake lip-ring from her lips. Urgh. Why can't she just be herself? After the incident at the beginning of the class, spanish, thankfully, went by quickly and I was surprised to find Alice waiting outside for me.

"Hey, Bella!" she beamed again. I smiled at her as we began to walk down the busy corridors.

"So, about that guy, how do you know him?" why was she pressing this? Why did she want to know? I stared at the passing floor wondering what to say. Alice seemed nice, but then so did Jacob. A stab of pain impaled my heart and I stopped walking clutching my chest.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," I lied, I took a deep breath and continued walking. Just ignore, just forget. I don't need to tell her everything. Just the bits that were meaningless.

"He was my boyfriend," I said with my teeth pressed together. Anger swam around my veins, that was good, a relief. Rage is better than sorrow. Rage can be controlled better than your sorrow.

"Oh," she simply replied.

"He's a fucking bastard, so don't go anywhere near him," I was pleased when I said this, I had a valid reason to keep her away from danger.

"Okay," we were silent for a few moments. But I guess Alice couldn't last the silence any longer.

"You still coming round ours after the party?"

"Yeah, sure,"

"It's going to be so much fun..." she continued to talk about the party again. It was nice to listen to her, then I didn't have to speak. I prefered to listen anyway.

Math and Philosophy literally passed in a second and before I knew it I was in the cafeteria with Alice again lining up to buy some food. I motioned to grab an apple, but then remembered my leg, which required lots of protein to help the tissue growth faster.

Today's special were cheeseburgers. Perfect. They were covered in greese, but other than that they looked pretty good, better than the cardboard pizza. I picked two up and covered them in ketchup, if they did taste bad, all I would taste will be the tomato sauce.

Alice had chosen a simple caesar salad and looked at my burgers in, well, horror. Although she had a terrified look on her face as she took in the greese, she didn't mention anything as we paid for our food.

We sat down at our usual table and greeted the others. They eyed my food with surprise, Emmett, however, gave me a large smile.

"They look tasty, Bella," Was he being serious?

"Yeah, I'm just a bit bored of apples," I said, trying to be indifferent, I took one of the burgers and shoved it in my mouth. Urgh. Hold on, mmm. At first they tasted disgusting, but then the ketchup came. After finishing the first burger without a breath, I noticed the others staring at me. Rosalie looked as if she was about to throw up, the same as Alice, Emmett had a large grin plastered on his face and Jasper was half way between the two expressions. Edward was staring at my mouth without much emotion, the little there seemed to be contentment of some sorts.

"What?" I asked. Alice took out a bit of tissue from her bag and wiped off some ketchup that had found a home on my nose. Well that was embarrassing.

Thankfully, the conversation picked up again, and I didn't realize that it had been silent during my scoffing. The second burger, I ate more slowly, trying the avoid any ketchup from finding homes on my face.

"I heard that the fire has finally been put out," Rosalie said drinking some water, "It took them long enough."

"With bigger gas stations, they often take days to be extinguished," Emmett replied. At least they weren't talking about the robbery. I couldn't forget my inability to lie.

"Who do you think did it, Edward?" Rosalie asked, putting the empty water bottle on the table. So much, for not talking about the robbery. See how crappy my luck is.

"I don't know," he replied simply. His eyes blazed green like an unearthly fire, how lost you could get in them. I fixed my eyes to the remains of my burger.

"They got hurt though," my heart flipped halfway before I calmed myself down. This wasn't good.

"What do you mean?" Alice said, I kept my head down. I wanted no attention to be brought on me.

"When it," he paused, "exploded. Something hit the back of their leg."

"What did?"

"I don't know, metal or something. But it hit them pretty bad,"

"Serves them right," I tried to hid my laugh. That's what everyone assumes, that they wanted to rob the place, not because they had to.

"It's my fault though,"

"What do you mean?"

"If I wasn't there, they wouldn't have gotten hurt. That person saved my life, I can't ignore that,"

"That is a good question. If they blew the place and stole all the cash, why did they save you?" I couldn't take anymore of this.

I picked up my plate, taking my bag with me, and headed over to the back of the cafeteria where you dump your plates and trays. I couldn't let my bag go wondering off anywhere, what with all the money.

The bathroom seemed a good place to go, so I locked myself in a cubicle a lit a fag. My first one today. That was strange, a few weeks ago, I was on about thirty a day, now one?

I took a nice long drag before taking out some vodka. This is me. A packet of cigarettes and a vodka bottle. Seemed about right.

The door creaked open and I recognised an annoying voice that was the last thing I wanted to hear.

"I tried, Lauren, I really did! That fake lip-ring hurt so much, I think I have permanent bruising! And like Edward didn't ask me out on a date!" I smiled as she said this. Least he has sense. I threw the fag into the toilet, glad that Edward had intelligence not to go out with an idiot like Jessica.

"I hate that Isatrella! I mean Isagella, Isabella! God! Why does she have such an ANNOYING name!" I covered my ears when she said annoying. I think I could go deaf soon.

"Look Jess, I need to tell you something," Lauren spoke at last. I thought she had a more annoying voice, but then I heard Jessita, I mean Jessiga, Jessica! God how stupid can you get?

"Is there anyone there?" Lauren asked, I put my feet up when she said this. Curiousity was not a sin, I reminded myself.

"Check under the doors," I heard movement and russling. I wonder what she would say. Probably another rumour or the latest gossip but I had a feeling it was about Lauren and myself's little encounter. Well, when I threatened to kill her, I laughed in my head.

"It's about Isabella Sparrow. You can't tell anyone but the other day she kinda pushed me in here and-" I interrupted and flung open the door.

"What was that Mallory?" Fear drowned her eyes as she backed away slightly. I stepped forward again, thinking whether I should wield the knife or not. Maybe not. Let Lauren be the crazy one, Jessica was crazy enough as it is. Lauren suddenly ran out of the bathroom at full speed, nearly tripping over her three inch heels.

Jessica had seen Lauren's fear and seemed to be confused, but then again, isn't she always.

I stepped forward again leaving about a foot between us, I looked directly through her depthless eyes. She watched me as I examined her face, covered in make-up, smudged eyeliner, no bruising of the lips I might add. I laughed, what a fake.

"Maybe you should try being yourself sometime," I left the bathroom without looking back, I wonder where Lauren had gone to?

I knew where I was going, back to the cafeteria where hope seemed to lie.

**REVIEW - That's all I want for my birthday people. (No happy birthdays - don't forget - i prefer HAPPY TWILIGHT TUESDAY!! lol)**

**Liked it? Meh. It will get so much better, trust me.  
Now I have to do three bits of coursework which are in for tomorrow! I know I leave things to the last minute, can't help it.**

**I didn't really have time to edit this chapter properly, so I apologise for any mistakes.**


	14. Falling

**Sorry it took so long. I just wanted to perfect it. But I think I failed. **

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Edward's POV

"Edward!" A sound I hated. I knew that voice so well. Too well. Emmett's morning calls were never pleasant. I prepared for the worst.

"GET UP NOW, EDWARD!" Another sound that I detested even more. I moaned, fatigue kept my eyes shut and body still. Suddenly everything went cold and my eyes flew open. My bed cover had been ripped from my grasp, none other than Emmett was throwing it across my bedroom.

"What the hell, Emmett?"

"Come on, we're gonna be late," So, I thought in my head. Being late is good, especially for school. He stormed out of my room huffing and puffing, acting like a three year old. I dragged myself out of bed to retrieve my covers, then I flew onto the bed, my eyes closed again. I didn't want to think, I didn't want to be conscious and aware, I wanted to be lost in my dreamless slept which Emmett had so rudely interrupted.

"Edward! Come on! Get up!" Now Alice's voice had intruded on my blissful second.

"Go away, Alice," I mumbled, manoevering my head to a more comfortable position on the pillow. Hmm, that's better.

"Look, Edward, you don't want to be late today. Bella is in our Literature class today," Curiosity made my eyes open.

"Really, why is that?" I asked. An evil smile spread across her pixie face.

"I'll tell you when you're ready, deal?" I sighed, I should of known I would receive the short end of the stick. I couldn't help but get out of bed and get myself ready. My only thoughts were on Bella. Did she move class? After I had washed and changed, I grabbed my school bag and made my way down the stairs rubbing my eyes. Sleep, such a luxury it seemed.

"Heads up," I looked up and something was being thrown at me that jingled in mid-flight. My surprisingly quick reactions caught the mysterious object, which turned out to be my car keys.

"You're driving dude," Emmett said going through the front door. Alice, Rosalie and Jasper were already inside the Volvo. I sighed, I wanted breakfast as well. I headed out closing the front door on the way out, saying goodbye to Esme, my mother, who was already working on some house designs. She renovates old houses, ours being one of them, she has such a talent for it, as does my father for medicine. I began my walk out to the car, but I heard the front door open and turned around to see my mother at the door.

"Oh Edward, I forgot, Carlisle wants to talk to you about Bella I think her name was," Esme said, I gestured to the car trying to point out the four impatient passengers inside, she understood.

"It won't take long, I'll try and persuade them not to murder you," she smiled at me, I returned the favour and returned into the house climbing up the stairs and headed to Carlisle's office. I knocked on the door and a "come in" sounded behind it. He was handling lots of paperwork, with a slightly confused look on his face.

"Will this take long? The others won't wait long," I said closing the door behind me.

"Oh no, it won't," he waved his hand in the direction of the chair in front of his desk. I dumped my bag and took a seat. I wonder what this was about, I hope everything was okay. Especially Bella.

"You mentioned a few days ago that, Bella, had a panic attack and then fainted, yes?" I nodded in reply. "I forget to say earlier, but that's quite worrying,"

"Worrying? I used to faint sometimes," True, I used to have quite frequent panic attacks, but they started to subside as I grew older. I haven't had a panic attack in a good four years now, such a long time. I remember them so vividly. They weren't something you forget easily.

"Yes you did but it's incredibly rare and unusual for people to faint after a panic attack. You had low blood pressure, which I think is the only reason for a person to faint after a panic attack. You're okay now, however, I would say you have more of a high blood pressure considering the amount of junk food you eat," Carlisle paused giving me time to let the information sink in.

"Make sure she has some salty foods, food that will increase her blood pressure, mostly junk food I would say, or ask her to come and see me, I'll be more than happy to examine her," I smiled. That was my dad, always the compassionate one.

"Sure," I stood up, picking up my bag. "Thanks, dad,"

"No problem," he replied. I opened the office door, thoughts swirled around me like a typhoon.

"Oh, Edward," I turned around and watched him as he approached me, holding out a white card in his hand.

"Give this to Bella please," I nodded again and headed for the stairs.

I slammed the car door, making my arrival clear and then I "accidentally" dropped my car keys on the floor. I was rubbing it in a little.

"Oops," I said in an innocent voice. An encore of moans and come ons sounded behind me, as well as beside me from Alice and I eventually put the keys in the ignition. I couldn't help but laugh.

After a minute or so, the car still remained silent as I drove to school, that was strange. Perhaps they were all sulking.

"So, Alice, what was that about Bella?" I asked her, trying to encourage some conversation.

"Oh, she's going to be in our Literature class," Alice replied. Well I know that! How many brain cells did that fire last night kill? The fire. No, I didn't want to think about that.

"I already know that," I replied, a hint of frustration in my voice. "Why is she exactly?" I tried to sound quite casual, but it came across a little demanding. Let's just say that my mood wasn't exactly a happy one.

"Mrs. Carter won't be in today. Her son worked at the gas station, so she's looking after him. They are going to join the first period Literature classes together and we're having a debate,"

"What do you mean looking after?"

"Apparently he's in shock," she simply put. My eyes widened in surprise. Shock? I was there too, I haven't gone into shock and I'm fine. I think.

We arrived at school about a minute before the bell, to my dismay. As we got out of the Volvo, I automatically looked around for Bella's black Audi A3. I wonder where she is. A million questions flew around my mind at the thought of her name again. The main one was whether she was okay. It's difficult to really move anywhere when your mind is so busy on other things.

I tried concentrating on a specific question. Why did she hug me yesterday in the cafeteria? I don't object or anything. I'm just curious as to why she ran up to me like that. Bella was one strange person. I asked Alice if she knew why, but then she tells me it's National Hugging Day?? That was a little confusing.

Then yesterday, in Biology when we just held hands for the hour. That wasn't normal was it? I couldn't help it though, anytime I touched her, this peculiar electricity just flows around my body making everything seem right in the world.

I need sleep in other words.

Alice and myself headed off to our usual boring Lit. class but then Alice steered me towards the auditorium telling me that we were having the debate in there, seeing as it was the only room capable of holding two classes.

Bella, I could not stop thinking about her. The mystery that surrounded her seemed to be too great to ignore it. A memory washed over my eyes, making me remember how untouchable she was. I tried to ignore the peculiar anger that ran through my veins. The thought of _him _just all over her, it made me so enraged to even think someone could treat her like that. But what could I do? They were obviously together. They way they held each other.

I shuddered.

Alice talked to me as we took our seats in the auditorium. I couldn't hear anything, I just kept zoning out. I mean he had to be her boyfriend right?

"Hey Bella!" I heard Alice say. She seemed overwhelming to people who didn't know her that well, but with Bella, she looked comfortable within our table.

"Hey," I heard Bella say less enthusiastically. What did I expect? No one could match Alice's enthusiasm. But then no one could match Bella's artistic skills, whether on paper or through sound.

"OMG! What happened to your lip?" I heard Alice say. Her music is so passionate, like it came straight from her soul. It was entwined with every emotion, every feeling or thought. Such a talent. I remember going through her compositions in her room, some were complex, others simple yet unique. It seemed like years ago when she told me to get out of her bedroom. It was the day I took her home after she had a panic attack. How strange that she forgot it. Like it had been erased from her memory, like a fire had consumed it.

_"What the hell are you doing here?" I heard Bella say, I turned around and saw her standing next to the bed, holding something behind her back._

_"Excuse me?" I asked confused, what was she talking about?_

_"I said, what the hell are you doing here," she repeated again. I didn't really know how to reply to that._

_"I was just making sure you woke up okay," I couldn't just leave her, especially after her emotional breakdown._

_"What the hell are you talking about?" I noticed she wasn't wearing her hat, I could see her beautiful chestnut hair spiraling down her back. It was the first time I saw all of her face and her hair._

_"Don't you remember?"_

_"Remember what?"_

_"Earlier you had a panic attack in Biology, so I took you home and you kind of collapsed on me earlier," Her face was still confused. "Do you seriously not remember?"_

_"I don't know have a fuck what you're talking about, Cullen. But you need to leave. Now," I was stunned as she said this and slowly walked from her room. Bella followed me all the way down the stairs and locked the front door as I left. I got into my silver Volvo in a complete daze. What had just happened? I drove back to my house in a state of shock and confusion._

I came back from the flashback, remembering her beautiful chestnut hair. I wondered what it smelled like. Probably the aroma of goddesses.

"Oh nothing, just bit down on it accidently," Bella said. I looked up and saw her face. The beauty of her music shone through her own appearance. Maybe she was a goddess of music and art. Her drawings were beyond the talent of any seventeen year old. I smiled at her, gazing at her complexion. Again she wore the black clothes, but today she wore no make-up. Unlike many girls in this school, they wouldn't be seen dead without wearing any make-up. It made her look even more beautiful, the make-up hid her natural radiance.

"What are you guys doing here?" she asked. When should I tell her about what my dad had said earlier? Should I just give her the card now? I decided to wait, give it to her in Biology, when Alice wasn't there.

"Our Literature teacher couldn't make it in today, so they jointed the first period's classes together! Isn't that great!?" Oh Alice, couldn't you turn done your enthusiam just a little bit?

"What happened to your teacher?"

"Apparently her son works, well worked, at the gas station and he seems pretty messed up so she's looking after him. You heard about the gas station, right?" Who didn't know about the gas station? Forks, such a small town of gossip. Everyone knowing every detail about you and everything else in the town.

"Err, yeah, it blew up or something..."

"It didn't just blow up by itself, someone robbed the place before they set fire to it. Edward here was stupid enough to be there at the time," I looked at Alice when she mentioned my name, then I couldn't help but gaze at Bella. I was so stupid to go to the gas station, I know. But what if someone got hurt? Then they would be saved. Just as I was.

"Tell her what happened then!" Alice said, smacking my arm.

"Oh right," I said, I didn't really want to talk about it, so I summarised the events quickly, without getting into any detail. "Well someone robbed the place before blowing it up,"

"Little more detail, Edward," Did I honestly expect to get away with that? This was Alice for gods sake.

"Erm, well, I got out of there and the guy didn't see me. He started setting the place on fire and I couldn't help but stare, the flammes were so beautiful..." I trailed off looking into space. The memory of the fire was so clear it was like I was there, I could smell the burning gas, feel the cold taking away the little warmth on me. That could of been me, burning in that fire. "They saved me." I laughed slightly before a smile swept across my face. Why though? Why risk their life for mine? Confusion began swirling around my head, making me feel light-headed and dizzy.

"Are you okay, Edward?" Alice asked. Thankfully Bella's Literature teacher hushed everyone in the small auditorium.

"Everyone settle down please. Thank you. As most of you know, Mrs. Carter, the other class's teacher, is unable attend school today. So we will be having an open debate on Shakespearian sonnets," Murmuring erupted through out the hall, some of them sighs, others sounds of excitement.

"We will be comparing Sonnet 18, "Shall I Compare Thee?" and Sonnet 130, "My Mistress's eyes". We will look at how each of them portray love, and the similarities and differences between them," he began handing out sheets with the two sonnets on them. He told us to read them both in our heads, analysing the language and looking for differences and similarities.

This is going to be fun, I thought sarcastically. I read through the sonnets, noting the differences and similarities in my head. I watched Bella write on her page and then zone out completely. I wondered what she was thinking. I turned my head, taking my gaze away. It was rude to stare, even at such beautiful things.

When everyone finished, the teacher talked to us about what each of them meant. He opened the debate, asking us which one we prefer and why. All of their girls said they would want Sonnet 18, "Shall I Compare Thee?" told be to them, as it described how beautiful they were. I heard people mutter my name and I rolled my eyes. I didn't like my like fan club, constantly staring and giggling at me. It got annoying after a while. Don't even remind me about Lauren and Jessica.

I heard Bella huff for some reason, so both Alice and myself turned to her in curiosity.

"Miss Sparrow, would you care to tell us your opinion," The teacher asked her, Bella blushed slightly and then her expression turned uncomfortable. Her face was the most delicious colour I had ever seen in my whole seventeen years. It faded as quickly as it appeared. I noticed that everyone was staring at her as she spoke.

"Sonnet 18 clearly exaggerates the woman's beauty. Shakespeare mentions nothing of love for her, only admiration. At the end he complements himself by saying that her beauty will last for as "long as men can breathe" and forever in his words. The other sonnet is truthful and honest, and he tells us that he loves his mistress no matter how pale or ugly she is. He is saying that he will love her no matter how unperfect she is, no matter how human she is and not a beautiful goddess who doesn't walk on the ground. Only with imperfections can there be true love,"

I stared at her. How right she was! But you are perfect, I wanted to say. You are beautiful. It was that moment that I realised how much I truly liked Bella. But how short a time! Not even four days and here I am, obsessed by her words and mystified by her eyes. Maybe they were a deep turquoise?

Finally the teacher responded.

"Well, that was...very good, Miss Sparrow. You have analysed the sonnets very well indeed, I'm impressed. I must say," The teacher said, how much I agreed.

"What is with everyone and the looks?" Bella said to Alice, Bella turned to face Alice, but we both already were.

"What?" Bella asked, I closed my mouth not realising it was open. I turned away as Alice talked to her.

"Nothing, it's just, that was AMAZING Bella!" For once Alice wasn't exaggerating. That was amazing.

"Erm, okay?" She said unsure. Is she not sure of her talents? That would be a tragedy for her talent to be unrecognised. It was simply too great.

The rest of the class was uneventful, except for me peering at Bella now and again. So talented.

Alice, Bella and myself walked out of the auditorium together. I got dropped off at my next class to my dismay.

The next lessons went as quickly as Bella's blush. Once they were there, the next, over. I met up with Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper who were sitting in our usual table. I ignored the normal looks from other tables. Staring isn't polite? God, don't they have any decency?

My mood picked up immediately as Bella sat down opposite me, Alice sat next to Jasper giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. At least they had each other to hold, unfortunately Bella was already someone else's. I am not thinking about him now.

I eyed Bella's tray, no apple but two grease covered burgers that were bleeding out ketchup. She sure was full of surprises.

"They look tasty, Bella," Emmett said grinning wild. That was Emmett, always the funny one.

"Yeah, I'm just a bit bored of apples," Bella said taking one of the burgers to her lips with her black leather gloved hands. I wanted to hold her hands, just like yesterday in Biology.

She literally shoved the food into her mouth, looking disgusted at first, then satisfied. The table was in complete silence, each one of us watching Bella as she consumed her food and watching ketchup find a place on her nose.

After finishing the first burger without a breath, she finally looked up at us. I couldn't help but stare her lips. Maybe, just maybe I could kiss them. Feel the unique electricity pulse through my veins once more.

"What?" Bella asked. Alice took out a bit of tissue from her bag and wiped off some ketchup that had found a home on her nose. I nearly gasped again as her cheeks turned the same delicious colour as earlier. But all too soon it was gone.

The conversation soon resumed and Bella was taking her time with the second burger. Hopefully she won't choke this time.

"I heard that the fire has finally been put out," Rosalie said drinking some water, "It took them long enough."

"With bigger gas stations, they often take days to be extinguished," Emmett replied. Not again. I didn't want to think about it!

"Who do you think did it, Edward?" Rosalie asked, putting the empty water bottle on the table. She just had to ask didn't she.

"I don't know," I replied simply. How could I possibly know? They were masked, I could not see one strand of hair, or one trace of skin. They gave nothing away, just another pointless mystery that will never be solved.

"They got hurt though," I said, changing the subject. I watched Bella as she slowly ate another mouthful. That burger must have so much salt in it. Was there truly a point in giving her my dad's card? The last thing her blood pressure will be is low and we weren't doing blood testing in Biology any more. Maybe she'll be okay.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked me.

"When it," I paused thinking of the word, "exploded. Something hit the back of their leg."

"What did?"

"I don't know, metal or something. But it hit them pretty bad," I remember their gasp of pain right after the explosion so vividly.

"Serves them right,"

"It's my fault though," I begged to differ.

"What do you mean?"

"If I wasn't there, they wouldn't have gotten hurt. That person saved my life, I can't ignore that,"

"That is a good question. If they blew the place and stole all the cash, why did they save you?" Exactly what I was thinking.

Bella, at that moment, picked up her plate and bag and walked away from our table. I watched her dump her tray before exiting the cafeteria. There was definitely something wrong with her stride. Only slightly.

Alice gasped very loudly making Rosalie jump. I must admit, she startled me as well. My focus was so intently trained on Bella, that I didn't notice her have a vision.

"I saw her dress!! Bella's dress!! OMG it's going to be amazing!!" Alice squealed making all of us cover our ears. She babbled on and on about her dress, the colour, the length blah blah blah. All I knew what that I wanted to see her in it. Alice sure did describe it as pretty. But then again, Bella could make anything pretty.

The party! I completely forgot. I didn't even know what I was going to be. James Bond? No. Not a mythological creature. Where did that come from anyway? Angel? Too cheesy.

"Edward!" Alice said, raising her normally loud voice even higher. I turned to her curious at what she wanted.

"Can you just decide already? I keep seeing different visions of what you're going to be at the party," she said in an irritated voice.

"How about a dragon?" Jasper said. Hmm, a good idea but too much effort. The party was tomorrow so it needed to be simple.

"Too complex,"

"Dracula?" Rosalie offered applying some lip balm.

"Yes!! Definitely!" Alice squeaked, clapping her hands in excitement. Talk about embarrassing. Vampire? Sounds good. But I am not wearing fangs, that's sixth grade stuff. Alice described my costume, a black tuxedo suit with a blood red cravat and waistcoat. It was good that Alice didn't insist on a cape and the fangs, and of course the fake blood.

Our conversation was interrupted when we heard the cafeteria doors slam against the wall. On encore of loud squeaks followed. It was Lauren.

"Like OMG! O-M-G," she exclaimed, waving her arms in the air. She ran around a few tables like a headless chicken and went back out again. It took only a few seconds after her exit for the cafeteria to return to normal noise level.

"What an attention seeking little whore," Rosalie said shaking her head in disgust.

"Got that right," Emmett agreed.

"Anyway," Alice said taking her eyes from the doors Lauren had came and gone through. "I've got to tell you something Edward!" I looked at her, expecting to hear that I had to wear fangs or something.

"Bella hasn't got a boyfriend!" her smile was so big I thought her cheeks would fall off.

"What are you talking about? That guy yesterday-" I tried to finish but Alice ever so nicely cut me off.

"Nope. She told me that guy isn't her boyfriend and I'm sure she's single,"

"You asked her?" Talk about respecting her privacy. I was curious of course but I wouldn't voice it, that's just rude.

"Yeah, well why not? We were all curious and we all know you were the most," I scowled at her. How she do that? Did she even have any respect? I mean come on, we haven't even known her for a week!

I took in the information more slowly than usual. Bella was single? My hopes lifted for a second which left me quite shocked.

First came the guilt. I didn't exactly ask her permission to take one of her compositions. At least Alice did ask to take the information of her personal status.

Then the anger came. If that guy wasn't her boyfriend then why was he all over her like that!

"I know right, kinda strange with the whole kissing thing,"

"What?"

"Who's the guy? If not her boyfriend? I mean they were making out pretty intensely and she said they _definitely _weren't going out," I slowly diffused the anger and it vanish when Bella came striding through the doors with a grin on her face. Not a happy grin, but a smile of contentment. The slight limp was there again, but only when you looked carefully.

As she sat down, her smile had not vanished, it only got bigger when she greeted us.

Bella's POV

I walked down the corridors heading back to the cafeteria. I hated people like Jessica. They were so worthless. Like little clones hobbling along through life, not capable of being themselves, only capable of imitation. People like Britney.

If they ever went through one fucking second of my life...

Thank god Edward turned her down. Loads of guys as hot as him would go out with little sluts like Jessica. Hell, guys like Edward would go out with anything.

Even me, I laughed in my head. That would be a sight.

Not that he would never go out with me. Why would he ever?

What was there to love? A criminal, ex-druggie, an orphan, a smoker, an alcoholic, a loner, a freak, a murderer, ex-soon to be mother, a worthless piece of crap that doesn't deserve to live?

No. He deserved so much more.

Why am I even thinking about him?

Maybe because he was the most beautiful guy I have ever set my eyes on. Kyle used to be, but his actions make his appearance somewhat clouded. Clouded by the horrors he bestowed upon me.

Like taking the life of our unborn child.

Can't I just have one day, one fucking day where the past didn't infect me like the black death. I breathed in deeply, trying to clear my mind.

Where was I? Oh yes. Where hope seemed to lie. A grin formed across my face at the thought of the Cullens and the Hales. I liked people like them. Never too close, never too personal. Always for the fun. Well that was my impression so far. It was human nature to judge. Judge whether they were a threat. Judge whether you had to run before they could catch you. Before they could take away the only thing that you love.

Again. Always the optimist.

My mind always seemed to end at a dead end where the worst memories are kept.

I pitied myself at times.

Lets look only at the good side for once. I was about to sit down with a group of people who didn't judge me like everyone else. Never had someone offered me a place on their table. Usually I was on my own, so this must be positive.

They didn't know me, that was even better. Why should I share my horrors with them? Why should I trust them just to be betrayed again?

Friendship didn't need trust only good times, and that's what we had.

I felt a smile form on my face, it felt strange. I hardly ever smile. Not anymore.

I ignored the peculiar feeling smiling gave on my cheeks, the muscles ached slightly in the effort. It was still pleasant. I opened the cafeteria doors where the hum of conversation met me.

The walk towards them wasn't as painful as I imagined it would be. I could hardly feel the wound now, there was only a slight limp that I felt, but I don't think anyone could notice. My smile widened as I greeted the Cullens and the Hales.

"Hey," I sat down and took out my sketchpad, needing something to distract me. What to draw?

"Hey," they greeted me back. I took out some charcoal and placed them on the table, I chose the thickest piece and started finding a fresh page.

The conversation had died again, I looked up trying to figure out why. They were all staring at my sketchpad.

"So, Bella, are you an artist?" Alice said breaking the silence, this received a harsh glare from Edward which confused me slightly.

"Oh no, I just draw for fun," and to get my mind off your brother, like I'm going to say that aloud.

Hmm what to draw. Nature? No, I've already done trees and sky, time for a change. What about some random abstract? People perhaps?

"Do you draw people?" Alice asked, her eyes beaming with excitement. I felt slightly intimidated actually, never had I come across someone like Alice.

"Erm, I can try. Would you like me to draw you?" she jumped in her seat slightly, her entire face now beamed.

"Yes please!" I looked down to my sketchpad embarrassed by her enthusiasm. Wow, she definitely was something.

I did the basic line of her face, looking up at her constantly. When you draw something most of your time should be expecting the object. Which is exactly what I did.

Within five minutes, I had finished but not properly or as detailed as it could of been. There wasn't any shading which would of made her look more realistic. I tried capturing her strange personality and infinite enthusiasm.

I showed her the drawing and she squealed at such a high pitch, I thought I would go deaf again.

I avoided the oncoming flashback like a runaway train.

Phew, I missed it.

"Thankyou so much Bella!" Alice squeaked. "Do you mind if I keep it?" I nodded in reply and took the drawing from her. She gazed at me in curiosity.

I signed the bottom of the page with Marie without thinking. I always used that name, a habit if you will. Why didn't I put Bella? I am such an idiot at times.

I refused to erase it, that would have ruined the drawing and gave it back to her.

"Marie?"

"Yeah, that's my middle name," I smiled at her, hoping she would leave it at that. Thankfully she did. I was beginning to like her a lot.

After drawing Alice, I drew Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. They all complimented me on my talent. I nearly laughed at them. What talent?

Unfortunately lunch had ended before I had time to draw Edward. I was looking forward to capturing his beauty on page. My hopes lifted immediately as I remembered I had Biology with him. We walked together to class after saying goodbye to the others.

"Do you always draw?" he asked casually.

"Not really, just keeps my mind of things," I was shocked when I told him the truth. How could I trust him? I should have learnt my lesson not to ever do it again.

A silence took over us, but it wasn't as awkward as I thought it was going to be.

"Sorry about Alice, by the way, she can get so excited over the smallest things," My gaze turned to Edward whose own gaze, thankfully, was ahead.

"She's definitely something else," I answered him keeping my eyes on the floor. His eyes were too pretty to be looked at by my hideous colourless irises.

My mind lead me to the first day I saw them. I was so horrified by their clarity, they were so like _his_. I shuddered helplessly at the thought.

Now it didn't matter how much they looked alike. I had to protect his eyes, the eyes of an angel. The only thing I was afraid of was losing them.

"Yeah, something annoying," he said rolling his eyes, I nudged him, talk about keeping things to yourself!

"Hey! Don't say that about your sister. She's lovely," So far...

We reached the classroom and took our seats. Today was another video lesson. Crap.

No worries, I was drawing him today, even if it took me the whole hour. Like yesterday, I didn't think I could take it. How could I not hold his hand? The electricity was something not to be ignored. It was frankly irresistible.

As the film started, I took out my sketchpad and started to draw Edward. What a good excuse for staring at him, I laughed in my head.

Most of the time I just got lost and daydreamed. What I daydreamed about. Well it involved me, Edward and meadow. Just sitting in silence watching the wind move the leaves gently across the grass.

What the fuck?

Last night is really starting to get to me isn't it?

Anyway.

I had plenty of time with this sketch to add detail and shading. I was drawing him from side on seeing as he was watching the film. I had no idea what it was, not that it mattered anyway. I mean where's it going to get you in life. Unless you're going to end up like Mr. Banner.

I couldn't help but laugh out loud, Edward turned to me. He probably thought I was a freak. Not that he wasn't right. But come on. I wasn't laughing at the film, so I was only laughing at myself.

I looked down at my sketchpad shading some of his untidy hair. Such strange hair, amazing of course, but bronze? It wasn't dyed and it was clear that it was his natural shade. But still.

Amazing.

Then again he does look as if he has sex hair. I laughed again out loud, this time a lot quieter, gaining no attention. It seriously is that untidy, random strands of hair poking out from the side, other locks sticking straight up. He was the Forks High Playboy after all, so what do you expect?

I looked back down and shaded in more of Edward's "sex hair". Then there was a major problem. The lips. I can draw lips fine but my mind didn't want to draw them, only day dream about kissing his luscious lips.

Okay. That's it. No more thinking.

I took out my I-pod, blasting some Austrian Death Machine into my ears. I don't listen to them normally but I needed a bit of chaos to keep my mind at bay.

Perfect. I chose If It Bleeds We Can Kill It and turned it up to full volume.

It was difficult keeping my head still to the infectious beats. I tapped my feet instead unable to keep still. I shaded more of his hair and spread the charcoal with my fingers. After the end of the song, I listened to more Austrian Death Machine making it impossible to think about Edward.

By the end of Biology I had finished and my finger tips were black. I signed the picture with Marie again and gave it to him. His mouth dropped when he saw it.

Woo, is it that bad? I refused to hear his reaction and headed off to the bathroom to clean my hands. I washed off the charcoal, turning the water a dirty grey.

I stared at my fingers, checking they were clean. So clean. No fingerprints on them. Oh no. They were burned off a long time ago.

No fingerprints. No evidence for a crime. No links to me. Nothing.

I dried them quickly and headed off to Gym class, oh great. Let's get pummeled in the face again with a basketball. Where the hell is basketball going to get you anyway? Unless you do it for a living. But still, that's very few people.

Irritation kept my mind busy as I changed, I kept my hoodie on, making sure the only thing you could see was my face. I took out my I-pod, playing some All That Remains, the song was called Tattered On My Sleeve. Also, I made sure my bag was safe in a locker. The five grand in the bag needed to stay there.

I sat on one of the benches in the changing room, far from everyone else. They took forever to change, making sure their hair was in the perfect pony tail, checking that their make-up was immaculate and seeing if their new shorts were too long. Even though they were about seven inches long.

They are so pathetic.

I walked around the back of the changing room, examining the few showers. There was no one around here. I pulled up my sleeves looking at the burns for the first time since this morning. Hmm. Still red and blistery, but healing.

Physically I can heal. Mentally? Emotionally?

Not so much.

And I am falling away  
All my life  
is falling away  
as time goes by

The lyrics were so true to my situation, I found it quite ironic in a funny way.

After a few more minutes of sitting around and listening to ATR, they were finally ready and headed out to the gym. Some gave me looks wondering why I was fully clothed, I assumed. They were wearing seven inch shorts and tiny Forks High t-shirts. They stared at me because I didn't look like them, because I was different. I paused my I-pod as the Coach began to speak.

"Okay everyone, quiet please," Coach shouted. Immediately the authority in his voice silenced the others. I hated that. Authority.

My eyes quickly found Edwards, who was wearing normal length shorts and a Forks High t-shirt along with the other guys. No doubt he looked perfect. Many girls were already giving him the eye, blushing in his presence. He caught me staring and gave me a flawless crooked smile. I'm sure that made a few girls melt in their sneakers.

"Today we start our long-distance running section as we finished basketball yesterday. I want a lap of the track as your warm up and afterwards we'll be doing the 1500m," this earned a few groans, mostly by the girls. Like oh my god, my hair is going to get all messed up. How can I run, like, like I straightened my hair this morning. Again, how pathetic.

I completely forgot about the running, my mind moved away from the thoughts of the girls. What about my leg?

"What are you still doing here? Off you go," Coach shouted again. My classmates headed off to the track at a slow jogging pace.

At first I walked quickly, my leg was able to take the movement, so I upped my pace going to a slow jog. As we reached the track, many went a lot faster. It was stupid to go fast straight away with my injury.

I was well behind the others at my pace. After the first hundred metres, I was comfortable to go even faster. There was little pain from the wound, the stitches seemed to be doing their job. I put on my I-pod again, playing Pure Hatred by Chimaira. It kept my mind off my leg and found it easy to keep my pace with the beat.

I had re-joined the group and noticed that Edward was right at the front. His stride was powerful and constant, definitely a good runner from the looks of it. We finished the lap quickly and the Coach made us do some stretches.

"After you've stretched your left calf for ten seconds, go onto your right quadriceps," I avoided stretching it and did my calf muscles again. If I did stretch my right quad, I was sure the stitches would have split in half.

After taking us through the stretches, he went through the groups for the 1500m. We would be running in groups of seven. I was in the second group out of the four, conveniently with Edward. It took about ten minutes for the first group to finish. Then it was us.

As we lined up, my leg spasmed slightly, making all the muscles tense. I held onto my wound making sure none of the stitches had broken. Nope. I jumped into the air a few times, trying to relax my muscles. It seemed to work.

Coach whistled at us to start and he clicked on his stopwatch. There was four girls and three boys running in our group, Edward and myself both included. The girls started walking it already, not even attempting to run. I kept my pace slow and steady, but I was able to keep up with the three boys. Edward was right out front, which didn't surprise me.

We had already run three quarters of the lap, the coach signaled to us that we had three more laps to go. It felt like I had only run a few metres, my breathe was near normal. I was so used to running away though, I had so much practice, I thought sarcastically to myself.

The wound didn't hurt and the stitches were tight enough. I lengthened out my pace, making my strides longer. It felt a lot better when I did this.

During the next lap, I overtook the two boys, making Edward the only one in front of me. Two laps left and I was only a few feet behind Edward. By the next straight, I was running side by side with him.

"Hey," Edward said, his voice was only slightly breathless and was more normal than I expected. There was no doubt that Edward was very fit.

"Hey," I managed back.

One and a half laps left.

"I didn't manage to thank you about your drawing. It's incredible," Right and that's why your jaw fell off when you saw it and your expression was utter shock and disbelief. Generally you're meant to smile if it was "incredible".

"Right," I answered back. I really was caring to much about what he said. I shouldn't care. I don't care! No I don't. Silence loomed over us as we lapped the three girls. Why should I care what the hell he says anyway? What was the point?

One and a quarter laps left.

We ran the 100m straight side by side. The track was surrounded by the other groups all of them cheering Edward on.

"Come on, Edward!" Some of them said.

"Don't let that goth beat you!" Others said, but they also used the words freak, emo and girl. The last one was most accurate.

"Come one, Cullen, you don't wanna get beat by a girl, do ya?" What was I expecting anyway? Go Bella go?

As we passed the finishing line, Coach whistled and shouted last lap. I picked up my pace, overtaking Edward round the bend. Let's just say I was a little pissed. Especially with the girl comment.

Okay, I was a little more than pissed, I have to admit. But that last little comment really did set me off.

I wasn't just pissed because of that. I was pissed at a few more things, such as Kyle's return meaning that I had to blown up a fucking gas station to save lives, lets not forget the dirt bike and 103 I had to retrieve. Oh did I mention the burns on my arms and shrapnel in my leg? The fact that I was caring a little too much about Edward and how I was becoming addicted to him. The fact that I wanted to click a huge fucking button that said RESTART so I could just start over from the beginning of my life. The fact that I just can't stay out of trouble and live without threats.

All I wanted was freedom.

To just be free of my memories and the people that invade them.

I was sprinting now, wanting to run away from it all. I could barely feel my legs running at full pace or my heart thumping in my chest so hard that I thought it would just give out.

This time I wasn't running away because of fear, only because it felt good. I was in my element now, as strange as it was, it felt amazing.

Edward had caught up with me as we run the opposite straight.

Half a lap left.

"God, you're fast Bella," he said, this time his voice was strained and it came with heavy breaths. I didn't reply, I mean what would I say? Gosh, Edward that's so nice of you?

I only ran even faster.

Then everything came crashing down on me as I started to fall.

I landed roughly on the track, not really feeling anything for a few seconds. The pain then made its horrific appearance making my eyes bulge in shock. Blood flowed quickly down my leg. I couldn't help but shriek, well through gritted teeth anyway.

The only thing I really thought then was, well, shit.

Oh shit.

My hands automatically seized my thigh, it was actually like I was holding my leg together. If I keep bleeding at this rate, my body would be so drained that it would shut itself down and my heart would stop in only a few minutes.

I was definitely looking at the bright side of things.

The grunted noises from my mouth seemed to escape as quickly as the blood. The funny thing was, I wanted to be all alone. So I could fix my leg without questions or people trying to help. Unfortunately none of my wishes come true.

"Bella? Oh my god, are you okay?" Edward said crouching down beside me. I bit down on my lip to keep quiet. Just get out of there. Get out of there now.

"Fine," I said, I didn't look at him, I needed to stop the bleeding but I couldn't do it there in front of him. I started getting up, but again I began to fall as I felt more of the stitches rip apart. Though I'm sure it wasn't only the stitches ripping apart. Edward, thankfully, caught me and brought me to my feet.

"Are you sure?" he said, his arms were still around my waist. I looked at him with the best blank face I could muster.

"Fine, I need to, erm," Excuse, excuse. "Er, I need to go," With that amazing sentence, I limped my way across the track as fast as I could and as quietly as I could. I was also thankful that I liked black, otherwise I wouldn't be wearing these black trousers which concealed the blood dripping down my shin and ankle.

I was also thankful to my past as well, I've had worse pain than this, a lot worse, so I was able to cope and concentrate on moving.

It's funny when I'm hurt, I seem to thank everything.

Why do I have such little control? Seriously, I can't stay calm anymore. Why was I running anyway? I just can't learn a lesson can I?

I tried to ignore the pain by mentally scolding myself for being such an idiot. I pushed open the doors into the gym and headed for the girls changing room.

"Bella?" I heard my name and looked round to see Edward running up to me. I limped as fast as I could, the changing room was now in sight. The doors started swirling as dizziness took over for a second. Keep moving.

I finally made it to the changing room, shutting and locking the door. As I headed over to showers, I grabbed a t-shirt from one of the lockers. It was a spare Forks High top, how nice.

"Bella!" I heard Edward say at the door, I automatically turned around and noticed that I had left a lovely little blood trail. Please don't let there be a trail in the gym.

Please.

He tried the door and began knocking, I ignored him calling my name and made it to the showers. I took off my boots, socks and trousers and saw the blood streaming fast down my leg. The water was ice cold but it did the job; I gritted my teeth again as it began to sting.

The loss of blood was making me unbearably dizzy and nauseous. The pain? Well.

Let's not go there.

When most of the blood had washed off, I reached over to my boots and took out the KA-BAR. I sliced the Forks High t-shirt into strips, preparing them into a tourniquet to stop the bleeding.

"Bella? Are you okay? What's going on? Please open the door," Edward said, banging on the door again. Why does he care? Why can't he just leave me alone? Tears began to prickle my eyes as his pleads continued. His desperation was difficult to miss.

He doesn't care. He doesn't care.

"Bella? Please just tell me you're okay!" I was near breaking point when he said this. A part of me wanted to reach him, to hold him and let the safety drown out the fear and panic as the bleeding became too much.

No. Do not rely on anyone else. You have to save yourself.

I quickly wiped the tears away, mustering all of the strength I had.

"I'm fine," I managed to say, I was glad that I sounded quite angry and frustrated. I'm sure that if he heard a panic-stricken and weak voice, he would have kept banging.

With the wound relatively clean of blood, I moved away from the shower and tied the first strip around the wound, pulling it as tight as possible. I was glad that the remains of the shirt stuffed into my mouth muffled the shrieks.

I concentrated on my breathing, in and out, that's all I thought about. The strip of material started turning red and I began to tie more and more of the strips as tightly as I could. Without the strips muffling my noises, I clenched my teeth in hope that no screams would escape.

After the tourniquets were secure and doing their job, I collapsed onto the floor in fatigue. I looked at the ceiling for a few moments trying to collect my thoughts.

My heart was racing out of control, I tried to calm myself but the beating was too quick and constant to slow. I brought my hands in front of my face, paler than usual and slightly sweaty. I was surprised at the effort it took to simply raise my hands. I placed my right hand on my forehead expecting my hand to be blazing hot, however it was a lot colder than usual.

No please. God no. Don't let it be.

I wanted to be safe. Free from a life of fear and panic. Free from Kyle. I wanted to be held in Edward's arms, where it was safe, free from the horrors that I seem to take with me everywhere I go.

The panic spread through quickly now, even faster than before. I had to be sure.

Symptom 1 - rapid pulse. Yes. Symptom 2 - rapid breathing. Crap, I didn't notice but I was breathing in and out too quickly. Symptom 3 - Anxiety or agitation. My foot was taping on the floor. Yes. Symptom 4 - cool clammy skin. Yes. Symptom 5 - Weakness. Yes. Symptom 6 - Pale skin colour. Yes. Symptom 7 - Sweating. Yes.

Fuck, this was no coincidence. I had to admit to myself something, as much as I never wanted to.

I was going into hypovolemic shock.

**Review peeps. It was the longest chapter ever!! Apologies for the cliff hanger by the way. The next chapter will be better I promise.  
**

**Hope you liked it :D Any comments questions or queries please review or PM me. I will reply :D**

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	15. Drowning

**Sorry it's been a while.It's finally finished :D  
**

**To the anonymous reviews - you honestly think I am purposefully not putting up the chapters?  
Kind of pathetic not putting your email. And for that I'm giving you my middle finger.**

**For everyone else brave enough to put their email or use an account, I'm looking forward to reading some criticism. **

_Songs to listen to during this chapter --_** 1**_. Slipknot - Gehenna. _**2**._ As I Lay Dying - I Never Wanted._ **3**. _Counting Crows - Colourblind_. **4**. _The Fountain Soundtrack - The Last Man._ **5**. _Mozart - Lacrimosa_. **6**. _Clint Mansell - Silent Hill_.

Edward's POV

"Hey," she greeted us with a breath taking smile. Why couldn't she do that more often? She sat down and took out her sketchpad. I wonder what she would draw today. Anything was possible with her talent.

"Hey," we greeted her back. She took out some charcoal and placed them on the table, she chose the thickest piece and started finding a fresh page.

I noticed that the others had gone silent, all staring at the sketchpad like me. We already knew what beauty and depth she could bring to a page.

"So, Bella, are you an artist?" Alice said breaking the silence. I glared at Alice, what she an idiot? Subtlety, I should teach her that later.

"Oh no, I just draw for fun," Maybe she should pursue art as a career. The skill that she has is rare and she shouldn't waste it.

"Do you draw people?" Alice asked, her eyes beaming with excitement. Again, Alice! Could you be any more obvious that you want Bella to draw you? God she was such an annoying little annoying sister. Yes Alice deserves to be called it twice.

"Erm, I can try. Would you like me to draw you?" Alice jumped in her seat slightly, her entire face now beamed. Dear God.

"Yes please!" she squealed loudly and I noticed Bella's eyes widen as she looked down to her page. I bet that she thought Alice was insane. Most people did. Even myself at times.

I couldn't help but stare at her when she kept looking at Alice as she drew. Maybe, just maybe. No, no, no. We are not going back to the fantasies. I honestly couldn't help myself. I never fantasized any of the previous girls I had dated. Including Lauren, I nearly threw up at the thought.

But Bella? I could fantasize for hours and not get bored, I don't think I ever could.

I remember seeing her whole face and hair for the first time. Months ago it seemed but it was only two days ago, when she had a panic attack during Biology. I drove her home and comforted her when she was having an emotional breakdown. I could hear her screaming now as I held her in my arms, never wanting to let go. Fatigue seemed to engulf her as she ended up sleeping. I took her to her bedroom and looked through her compositions.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I remember her saying. My father told me she was repressing her panic attack and couldn't remember any of it. I wish I was able to do that.

When I was younger I used to have them quite often, I grew out of them thankfully. I know what they are like and all I wanted to do was hold Bella, telling her she will be okay. Panic attacks are no walk in the park let me tell you.

Within five minutes, she had finished the drawing and gave it to Alice. I covered my ears as she squealed right next to me. Surely she would have seen the drawing anyway in a vision? The drawing was astonishing, it captured Alice's personality on the page.

"Thankyou so much Bella!" Alice squeaked. "Do you mind if I keep it?" Bella nodded in reply and took the drawing from her. I gazed at her in curiosity but she gave back the drawing signed, but not with her name.

"Marie?"

"Yeah, that's my middle name," she smiled at her. Bella Marie Sparrow. I loved that name.

After drawing Alice, Bella drew Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. They all complimented her and how incredible the drawings were, who wouldn't?

Unfortunately lunch had ended, we were having such a blast. Bella and myself walked together to class after saying goodbye to the others.

"Do you always draw?" I asked casually making conversation.

"Not really, just keeps my mind of things," I expected her to say yes, surely she should have recognised her talent by now? I turned confused as Bella looked shocked. This girl was a mystery.

A silence took over us, but it wasn't as awkward as I thought it was going to be.

"Sorry about Alice, by the way, she can get so excited over the smallest things," I said looking ahead, remembering that I needed to teach her how to be subtle. How does Jasper honestly cope?

"She's definitely something else," she answered me keeping her eyes on the floor. I kept wondering what colour what her eyes were. Maybe they were a pale blue, or even grey? It would make sense why I couldn't tell.

"Yeah, something annoying," I said rolling my eyes, I felt butterflies in my stomach as she nudged me. That was really weird. I thought only girls did that, obviously not. I'm probably hungry or something.

"Hey! Don't say that about your sister. She's lovely," she replied. Alice was lovely at times, when she wasn't nagging me or annoying me. But then again what do you expect from a little sister? It was nice to see that Bella had taken a liking to her, regardless to her irritating ways.

We reached the classroom and took our seats. Mr. Banner pulled out the VCR again. Maybe I can hold her hand again?

She took out her sketchpad and started to draw me. Well that hope went down the drain. I felt slightly self-conscious as she kept looking at me. Another strange feeling. Self-conscious? Butterflies? God am I turning gay or something?

I turned to Bella as she laughed out loud. That was weird. Could she hear my thoughts or something? She looked back to her sketchpad leaving me in confusion.

Embarrassment flushed me for a moment at the thought if Bella could read my mind. If she ever found out about the fantasies...

I stared at the screen not seeing anything, only images of shapes and flashes of colour. My mind was trying to figure out the mystery that Bella was.

Maybe I could kiss her. Wishful thinking I know. But what's a guy to do?

Biology went quickly and afterwards Bella gave me the drawing she did of me. I felt mouth drop to the floor. My god. Incredible didn't cut it. I stared at the drawing, it was like looking at a mirror. I must have been staring it for about a minute before Mr. Banner interrupted my peaceful observation.

"Mr. Cullen, please get to class," I was just standing in the corridor! I wasn't even doing anything. I smirked at him, before heading of to Gym. I wonder where Bella went. To class, you idiot!

Wow, something is really happening to me, I was losing my mind by the second. Right, gym. Fun. Gym is okay I guess, it's just that I can spend my time doing more important and valuable things. Is fantasising valuable? Well to me it is. Or perhaps turning the fantasy into a reality is more valuable then just sitting around doing nothing about it.

When? When could I kiss her? After school? Oh god that guy. No doubt he would be back. The rage came took me for a moment as the image of Bella and him making out flooded me. I calmed myself eventually, taking my anger on a locker. That gained a few looks from the other guys in the changing room.

I changed quickly after my little rage control and waited in the Gym for everyone else. What about tomorrow? The party! Of course. That would be perfect! The image of Bella's lips took me off guard, something happened to her lip. She said she bit it earlier in English, well she said to Alice and I eavesdropped.

I watched Bella as she came with the rest of the group. Mmm definitely at the party. She took out her I-pod from her pocket and paused it, I assumed, as Coach Clapp began to speak.

"Okay everyone, quiet please," Speak? I meant Coach shouted. I looked at Bella again and a strange expression of hate crossed her expression. As quickly as it appeared, it vanished and her eyes met mine as if she knew I was watching her. She examined me again, looking me up and down. I believe the correct phrase is checking me out. I gave her my infamous crooked smile and then she looked amused. My heart did a double flip at the thought of her checking me out. Even though most girls did all the time, Bella was different.

"Today we start our long-distance running section as we finished basketball yesterday. I want a lap of the track as your warm up and afterwards we'll be doing the 1500m," A good run ought to clear my messed up mind and my stupid heart. Double flipping? Next it will be doing a whole gymnastics routine.

People seemed reluctant to exercise, we were teenagers after all. I liked running, it was my favourite form of exercise after football and basketball.

"What are you still doing here? Off you go," Coach shouted again. Is that all he can do? Shout? No wonder why Bella didn't like him, that explained the hate. I headed off to the track with everyone else at at a slow jogging pace. As soon as I reached the track and stretched out my pace. I concentrated on each stride, keeping myself at a constant pace. This definitely helped to clear my mind. I needed to stop thinking about Bella, I was bordering stalker and pervert at this point.

Not that I stalk her or anything. Or that I'm a pervert. But at the rate I was going...

Finally I had finished the lap and Coach filled my mind with the perfect way how to stretch your gastrocnemius, otherwise known as your calf muscle. I tried to keep my mind as blank as possible, making sure it doesn't wander off anywhere where it shouldn't.

After taking us through the stretches, he went through the groups for the 1500m. We would be running in groups of seven. I was in the second group out of the four, conveniently with Bella. Was God mocking me? Did he want me to become a pervert? A stalker? It took about ten minutes for the first group to finish. Then it was us.

There was two other guys running and there was three girls. Then there was Bella. She jumped up and down a few times, preparing for the race. The other girls played with their hair, twirling it in my direction. I shook my head in pity and turned it to the track.

Coach whistled at us to start and he clicked on his stopwatch. It made me laugh how the other girls began to walk, not even attempting to move. Bella however actually took the race seriously. I kept my head forward, looking back would be a little obvious now wouldn't it? I started strong, able to keep up a good pace for the first couple of laps. This was easy.

I wonder how Bella was doing? Coach signaled two laps left. As I hit the bend, I could see Bella not far behind me. I was surprised. She had overtaken the two other guys, that did kind of shock me. They are some of the best runners in the school. By the next straight, she was running side by side with me.

"Hey," I said effortlessly. Our stride matched at this point, hers longer than I would have imagined.

"Hey," she replied more breathless than myself, but only a little. Full of surprises wasn't she?

One and a half laps left.

"I didn't manage to thank you about your drawing. It's incredible," The drawing popped in my mind again, truly it was incredible.

"Right," Should I call it perfection? Silence loomed over us as we lapped the three girls. Perhaps. But then if the drawing had more detail, which may be impossible. Hmm, or if it had colour? Then surely it can not be more perfect?

One and a quarter laps left.

We ran the 100m straight side by side. The track was surrounded by the other groups all of them cheering me on.

"Come on, Edward!" Some of them said.

"Don't let that goth beat you!" Others said, but they also used the words freak, emo and girl. The same rage I felt when I thought about that guy came back. SO familiar it was becoming. How dare they call her a freak!

"Come one, Cullen, you don't wanna get beat by a girl, do ya?" No surprise that Mike said this. I kept running not wanting to get a detention for giving Newton a black eye.

As we passed the finishing line, Coach whistled and shouted last lap. Bella picked up her pace, overtaking me round the bend.

The competitive side of me took over. I chased after, finding more and more difficult as she started to sprint. Now I was running at full capacity.

Half a lap left.

"God, you're fast Bella," I voiced my opinions as I finally caught up with her.

One second she was running slightly in front of me, the next she was gone. As I stopped, I looked behind me to see her lying on the floor in obvious distress. A strange noise came from her, like a muffled scream. More and more noises came from her as I ran back to her.

"Bella? Oh my god, are you okay?" I said crouching down beside me. What happened to her? How did this happen to her? Did she trip over something on the track? Why didn't Coach check it before?

Biting her lip she replied that she was fine. I could tell that she was lying as she looked away. Bella started to stand but fell in the process. She really wasn't fine.

Thankful to my reactions, I managed to catch her and I slowly brought Bella to her feet.

"Are you sure?" I said, keeping my arms around her waist. I wanted her to stay here. Safe in my arms. She then looked at me with such an emotionless face it scared me.

"Fine, I need to, erm," she paused for a second. "Er, I need to go." Then she was gone. Shock had cemented my feet to the track, not knowing what to do.

What had just happened?

My eyes found Bella after a few moments and I saw her limping towards the gym. Before I knew it myself I was chasing after her. What happened? Why is she running from me?

She pushed open the gym doors and in response, I picked up my pace. Please let her be okay.

"Bella?" I called after her, she turned and looked at me for a moment before looking away. To my disbelief, her pace increased. I sprinted even faster in hopes of catching her. Why the hell was she running from me?

Panic took me for a moment as she shut the girls changing room door, locking it in the process.

"Bella!" I said, I tried the door knob a few times before I started to knock.

I called her name again and again, but received no answer. Don't shut me out, I can help you. Please! "Bella!"

God, if you're up there, please just let her be okay!

"Bella? Are you okay? What's going on? Please open the door," I said, banging on the door again. My voice was becoming weak with despair. All I needed to hear was her voice. A consolation of her well-being. Hearing nothing, I tried again.

"Bella? Please just tell me you're okay!" I was taken by surprise as I felt a wetness on my cheeks. Wiping the tears away, I heard the sweetest sound I could ever hear. Her voice.

"I'm fine," she said, her voice was slightly angry. Taking her word, I slowly slid down the door. I could not believe the tears on my cheeks, what the hell was wrong with me? She's fine you idiot! It sounded as though she was irritated by my presence and I am not surprised.

Staring into the oblivion, I pondered my strange actions. Disbelief now my companion.

I wasn't really staring into the oblivion. Just the wall opposite the girls changing room.

It definitely needed to be re-painted.

Maybe a nice sky blue? Or instead a vivid colour to brighten this place up.

Some sort of banging noise brought me back to reality. I looked down the corridor and found nothing. Hmm.

Where was I? Oh yes, vivid colours. What about amber for a change? Amber is a nice colour. I like amber.

"Edward," Bella said, her voice clearly in distress. Without thinking, I stood on my feet and banged on the door again.

"Bella?! Open the door!" What was happening to her? "Bella!" Hearing only silence, I rammed into the door with my side. As the wood did not budge, I repeated slamming into it and heard the door cracking. I stood back from the door, raising my foot near the handle and kicked it open.

Finally gaining entrance, I roamed the changing room quickly to find such a horrific sight.

She lay on the floor shaking, her head turned to the side. Watching a panic attack only brought back my own memories, but I did my best to block them out and concentrate on Bella.

She wasn't getting out of this one. Her body was shaking so violently, I had no other option but to hold onto her. Sitting on my knees, I put my arms around her shoulders and pulled her towards me.

"Bella? Bella. Open your eyes. Come on. Everything is going to be okay. You're going to get through this. I'm here for you Bella. I'm not leaving you,"

Her eyes searched for something, looking everywhere, she finally found my eyes. Then, they went blank as she shook even more. I slowly lowered her back onto the floor and I laid next to her.

There was nothing I could do except hold her. Except tell her she would get out of this, that everything would be okay. But I knew she could not hear me.

That did not stop me.

"You can get through this, Bella. You know you will. Don't let it control you. Everything will be okay," I placed my hands on her cheeks, trying to keep her head still. She was ice cold, but very sweaty. I held onto her tighter, letting my body heat warm her.

The sound of footsteps then sounded just outside the door of the changing room. I turned to see Coach, as well as ten other people from my class. Their expressions in a state of shock and fear as they saw us.

"Cullen? What's going on?" Coach immediately asked, his voice not as loud and clear as usual. His horrified eyes fixed on Bella's shaking form. They definitely had the wrong impression.

"She's having a panic attack!" I explained, my irritation could not help but escape. The others started to surround her, closing in on her.

"Move back!" I shouted at them. They were making it worse!

"Coach get them out of here!" He nodded his head quickly, his eyes still fixed on Bella. Finally, he snapped out of it and ordered the others to leave.

"You heard him! Move!"

As they left, I concentrated on Bella again. Her shaking became more and more violent, she was losing complete control. I tried my best to calm her, to soothe her, to reassure her.

I recalled a lullaby that my mother used to sing to me whenever I had panic attacks. Softly, I hummed the tune into her ear, keeping my arms securely wrapped around her.

Gradually the shaking subsided. Her temperature started to, steadily but surely, increase.

Placing my hand on her cheek, I wiped away a few escaped tears. Her eyes started to blink more and more and I knew that she was finally coming around.

I couldn't help but smile as her eyes met mine.

Bella's POV

Hypovolemic shock is an emergency condition in which severe blood and fluid loss makes the heart unable to pump enough blood to the body. This type of shock can cause many organs to stop working. I riddled off the definition from memory. You need to know things like these when you're me.

I must have lost at least one fifth of my body's blood supply for this to be happening. What do I do? I need medical attention now.

That's a one way ticket to prison. How do I explain my injury? Edward will know it was me who robbed that fucking store and then blew up the gas station.

What if I don't get the money to Kyle in time? Innocent lives taken away because I lost a little blood.

A little hypovolemic shock never killed anyone right? (A/N sarcasm - like a little bullet never killed anyone - hypovolemic shock can kill you if severe enough)

Okay, let's clean up.

First, the blood trail. I moved onto my knees, preparing myself to stand, but I was too weak and fell back to the floor. How pathetic. A little bit of blood and I can't stand. This time, I tried even harder, finding some strength in me.

I barely managed and started to lose my balance in the progress. My body hit the lockers side on, my arms were too slow to react to stop the fall. I slowly slid down to the floor, staring into nothing. The tourniquets were still secure but my wound throbbed like no tomorrow. Maybe I tied them too tight?

I crawled along the ground, finding another spare shirt in a bottom locker. When I reached the small puddles of blood, my breathing was rapid again and sweat dripped down my face. It's getting worse. I wiped them away, ignoring the agitation I felt and the pain I felt as I moved every inch.

Dragging myself to back to the showers, I put my trousers back on, which were only slightly damp. The shock was making me cold and I needed to avoid hypothermia. My right sock was soaking with blood, so I only put on my left sock and moved to the place where I got changed earlier

After taking my bag out of the locker, I stuffed the sock into it, put on my combat boots and placed the KA-BAR back into its home. As I suspected, my right combat boot had blood staining the insides of them.

I looked through my bag for some of the painkillers from yesterday. Thankfully, I only looked for a few seconds until a found a bottle of aspirin. After taking four of them, I stuffed it back into my bag.

The small leather bag at the bottom reminded me that I would again meet Kyle after school. It reminded me again that I needed to give him the money.

I searched other bottles of medicine in the attempt to find any dopamine, dobutamine or epinephrine otherwise known as adrenaline. The amount of blood pumped out of the heart, cardiac output, needed to be increased as well as my blood pressure.

Frustrated, I pushed my bag under my feet finding nothing I needed. With my feet elevated it will help my blood circulation. I laid down on the floor, recalling the shock position. Keep person comfortable and warm. Check. Turn victim's head to one side if neck injury is not suspected. I did so, turning to the left.

Epi-Pens use epinephrine or adrenaline to treat anaphylactic shocks or allergic reactions. Maybe I could fake an allergic reaction? No I can't. No medical attention. I have to get adrenaline now.

Maybe if I use my memories. No, no, no. I can't, I just can't. There is no other option, I need to remember now.

My hands started shaking at the thought of purposefully having a flashback. Before I knew it, my memories had taken hold of me and took me under.

_I was conscious, alive. I should be grateful. But how could I? I flexed my fingers and toes. I could move. I should be grateful._

_"Rise and shine," he said in a mocking voice. I kept my eyes shut tight. This is a dream. Just a dream. This is not real._

_"I said wake up!" he shouted. Suddenly water was thrown on my face, making my eyes immediately force open. Oh god. It was him. I tried to run, but I was sitting on a chair with my hands tied behind my back and my feet tied to the chair's legs. A dim light shone above me. Other than that there was darkness, not knowing how big this place was, or how many creatures lurk in the shadows.  
_

_"You think you can get away with anything, don't you?" he snarled circling around me. His hands were clenched into fists, ready to attack. "Taking a man's freedom." _

_"I watched you slit their fucking throats, you deserved it!" I shouted. Less than a second later his fist impacted onto my cheek. __I was silent as I took the blow. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you are in pain. __I felt blood surge in my mouth, I spat it out ignoring the salty taste.  
_

_"You killed them," he whispered in my ear, he grabbed my hair and wrenched my neck back, making me look at the light above. I felt a sharp blade at my neck. The blood from my mouth was slowly making its way down my neck.  
_

_"If you did what you were told-"_

_"Fuck you," I said interrupting him. I closed my eyes, waiting for the knife to slit my throat, waiting for death. But it never came._

_"You think I'm going to kill you, don't you?" I opened my eyes, finding myself face to face with him. "Death would be a gift for you now and I am not kind." He stood for a moment, looking at me with a smile on his face, before walking into the darkness. I lent my head back on the chair staring into the light. The worse had not yet begun.  
_

I had to get out of this. I could see the dim light above me as well as the ceiling of the changing room. The adrenaline was running through my veins, at least I had some now. I tried to free myself of the memory but it would not let go and took me under once again.

If you are a sensitive reader - I suggest missing the next few parts in italics as they include scenes of torture and severe violence not for the faint hearted.

_I heard a noise and looked around as far as I could, only seeing black. Someone laughed directly behind me, making me jump slightly. _

_"For you will fear your own shadow by the break of dawn. Well then again. You probably won't see your shadows for a while," He laughed again and I could imagine his sick expression as he grinned. What did he mean I won't see my own shadows? _

_Two other figures emerged from the darkness right in front of me. They wore all black with masks covering their identity. I could only see James' twisted expression as he circled me again. _

_"Let's loosen you up first," I cringed as he said this. I don't remember how many blows hit me. They came each as painful as the next. Each was individual. Each with its own solitary agony. Each one had its own spot and each one varied in intensity to the next. After while the clear definition between each blow blurred as if they were being inflicted constantly without break.  
_

_I was about to lose consciousness. Blood freely ran down my neck from my nose and mouth. No doubt I would have multiple black eyes.  
_

_No doubt I was loosened up. _

_My head rolled back on the chair, my eyes flickered from open to closed. The warm blood from my mouth ran down my neck. I could feel bruises already start to form on my face. My vision became slightly hazy. The darkness was about to claim me.  
_

_"Bella, Bella," he said wiping away the tears that I didn't realise were on my cheek. There was so much pain it actually started to feel numb. "We've only just got started."_

_My head rolled once again. Why couldn't he just kill me? For he enjoys pain more than death, I answered myself. I closed my eyes wanting to wake up from this nightmare. _

_My feet were being untied, please tell me you're letting me go, a small part of me hoped. Hope? Where is that going to get me? He said they've only just got started and James is no liar. I was dragged away from the chair, but I kept my eyes locked shut. Maybe if they think I'm unconscious they will stop? I let my muscles relax, my arms and legs drop.  
_

_Another laugh. Then I was submerged in water, hands on my shoulders stopping me from going to the surface to breathe. I helplessly took in water, my legs and arms thrashing for freedom as much as I could. _

I felt like I was choking, my throat had tightened too much. How could I breathe? The salty taste of the water, now fresh in my mouth, tasted as bad as it did before, worse even. I could feel the salt invade my wounds on my face, making it burn. Please someone help me, I wanted to shout.

_Even with the water around me the burn seemed out of place._ _Burn, just like my parents. After a few more uncontrolled thrashes, I gave up and let the water surge into my lungs. _

_Let me burn with them.  
_

_The hands on my shoulders then pulled me back to the surface. I coughed and spluttered, the water came up from my lungs as if I was throwing up. The blood almost immediately started to bleed from my nose and mouth.  
_

_Why couldn't they let the water do its job? Let it drown me and rid me of the oxygen that my body craved for survival._

_I didn't want to survive. _

_"I want you awake, Bella," he said. Two sets of hands took each shoulder and made me stand in front of him. "Torturing unconscious people is no fun. I want to hear you beg for mercy," He grinned again and then looked behind me and nodded. I assumed to signal to the others. I found my answer quickly as the two figures behind me pushed me to the wooden floor. _

_James rolled me to face the ceiling, crouching down to examine his prey. I couldn't help but get pulled into the merciless pits that were his eyes. He stood up and walked in to the darkness and the two other figures emerged with sledgehammer wielded in their hands._

_Sledgehammers?! One blow to the skull and you would die instantly. What the fuck were they going to do to me? I started shaking all over, the hot flashes crept up my neck. My heart raced as well as my breath, my legs started to tremble, the muscles were tensing. I brought my knees to my chest and turned to lay on my side. The walls were closing in on me. Finally death was here._

The memory was so fresh and horrifying that I started to shake in fear. Edward, I thought, he can help me, he can free me. At first I couldn't find my voice as I tried to shout his name.

"Edward," I shouted as loud as I could with my hoarse voice. No use. The sound was too quiet. What if he's gone? Like some many people from my past. Did I expect anything more?

It felt like my chest was being crushed, as if the insides of my lungs were contracting. Breathe, breathe. Every time I tried to suck in oxygen, my throat tightened more and more.

_Death would be far, now. Maybe in the afterlife, I could see my parents? Just once. Tell them how much I love them. How much I have missed them. How sorry I am for the sins I have committed. I smiled at the thought of seeing them again, even though I was half way through a panic attack._

_The true reality set as I knew that I could never see my parents again and that I was about to be crushed by sledgehammers. My body shook even more. Something took hold of my face, hands? They pulled my head from the floor, making me look at them.  
_

_I met James' ruthless black eyes, I saw no colour, only midnight. No mercy._

Everything was suddenly flushed with colour and light. The room filled with natural light, the dim artificial light was replaced by sunlight. Disorientation made the confusion even stronger. Half reality, half memory. I felt drawn back to his eyes, like an immovable force making me look at them. The eyes before me started to change into horror filled green eyes.

Edward.

The colour and light was sucked from my vision, leaving me in the nightmare.

_James turned his head slightly before removing his hands from my face. They moved to my shoulders and held them tightly to the floor. _

Maybe I had been detached from my body, for only then did the panic attack truly ensue. My entire body shook, trembling in fear of what was to come. Helplessly my muscles started to spasm, jutting out in random directions.

Half reality, half memory. It didn't matter which one I was in. The panic attack was waiting for me at either side.

_James held me down as I shook, maybe he wanted the torture to continue as quickly as possible. Maybe he wanted to give me a sense of control. I could not stop myself, I had lost all control now over my body. So maybe he was giving me back some of the control to just rip it away from me again. _

_I don't know how long he held me down, it could have been seconds, could have been hours. As the shaking finally slowed and the panic attack stopped, I knew that the pain was to be felt soon. What could I choose? The fear of being crushed by sledgehammers or a panic attack? They both seemed to tie. _

_Finally James released his hands from my shoulders. He stood and walked away into the darkness once more. The two other figures advanced on me with the sledgehammers in their hands. I lay on the floor, weak from the panic attack, not able to move. There was no escape now. I had to accept that. _

_"Shoulders or knees?" One of the figures asked in a low male voice.  
_

_"How 'bout both?" The other replied in a female voice. How could a woman do this? Sure, men are crazy I know that. But a woman to torture a teenage girl? _

_"Shoulders," James replied from a distance. I still remained shocked as the woman and man walked towards me. The man who was on the right nodded at the woman. She stepped on my left arm with her black shoes, halfway between my elbow and my shoulder. As she raised the sledgehammer, I closed my eyes and turned my head the other way. Why would I want to watch this? _

_I braced myself the best I could, but nothing could have prepared me for this. The shrieks came loud and long, each helplessly erupting from my mouth. I couldn't keep the pain to myself, even though I knew they wanted to see me like this._

_ I wanted my screams to drown out the pain. _

Please get me out of this. Save me from the pain. From this memory. Help, please. Someone! HELP ME!

Why was I still shaking?! Why was my breathing rapid like my heart? The panic attack ended! I shook even more as I remembered that in the memory it had stopped, but here in the reality it was still in full swing.

My eyes searched for Edward, he could help me, he could save me. Where was he? Did he leave me? Did he go like Jacob? Edward. Please. I beg of you. Help me! Please. HELP ME!

_I forced myself to stop screaming, to stop giving them the pleasure. My shrieks came to a halt, the place became hauntingly silent. James reappeared and crouched down next to me.  
_

_"Well look at that, Vicky dislocated your shoulder," he turned to her, smiling. "Good job." He placed his hand on my injured shoulder and pushed on it, causing more agony to drown me. Thankfully, I kept quiet. I couldn't move my entire arm, it was as if it wasn't there at all.  
_

_"We can't leave it like that can we?" I looked at him in half-rage, half-agony. How could he do this? Where was his soul? Where was his heart? My face was wet with tears, sweat and the blood dripping from my lips. I smiled before spitting the blood at his face. Inside of me rejoiced, glad that I had sprayed my blood over his cheeks. _

_The smile was wiped off his face as anger replaced it. He quickly grabbed my arm and pulled, sending me into agony once more. I kept the screams in my mouth and took out the pain through a clenched fists. I dug my nails into the skin, trying to re-direct the concentration on my shoulder._

_At least he did not leave my shoulder dislocated. _

_"Laurent," he said moving away from me. The other figure did the same as "Vicky" and he stepped halfway between my elbow and shoulder on the other arm. He quickly raised the sledgehammer and smashed my shoulder. Although I knew what to expect, the pain seemed twice as much. Thankfully I only screamed once and kept the noise locked away. I threw my head back to hit the floor as I writhed in pain. For a few seconds there was little pain in my shoulder, most on my head. Thankfully I was able to re-direct the pain. _

_He crouched down once more and repeated the process by pulling my arm back into its socket. The next noise that came from my mouth baffled me beyond belief. I started to laugh. Something that I had not done for a long time. The grin was plastered on my face as I rolled on the floor. I laughed until my sides started to hurt. _

_You could not question the confusion in James' expression. He seemed as if he didn't know what to do for a moment, he hesitated and looked at the others. I laughed even more. James' knife found its way to my neck, I didn't see the action, my intense laughing caused my eyes to water._

_"Shut up!" he ordered, pressing the knife firmly. I screamed out in laughter once more. Hilarity was everywhere in my mind, everywhere in the room or where ever the hell I was.  
_

_"WHAT YOU GONNA DO?" I shouted in mid-laugh. "KILL ME?? OOOO HARD MAN YOU ARE! GO ON THEN. SLIT MY FUCKING THROAT!!"  
_

Insanity. Pure insanity. I had gone mad. I think now that it was my last-defence, my last stand for freedom. My body could not cope with the pain, so it decided to reverse it all. Driven into madness by relentless torture.

_I didn't realise that James had taken out his knife until the blade was forced under the nail of my index finger. I kept the shrieks locked away and concealed the pain by laughing even louder. This next process continued until the blade had been forced under each fingernail. My laughing was replaced by involuntary screams. I could not see my fingers because my hands were tied behind my back, but I could feel the blood drip from them._

_What was the point of complaining about the pain now? My mind had finally accepted the torture and even embraced it.  
_

_James took my throat and pushed upwards, making me stand. I gasped, taking in as much air as possible when he released my neck. He cut the rope that binded my hands together, only to have them re-tied on the wire of the dangling light above. My arms stretched high above me and I nearly stood on tip toes as the lamp was so high. _

_"You fall down, your knees will be next," he murmured casually as if he was asking me how I was or how the weather was so nice. The light was suddenly smashed by his gloved fist. The darkness now my companion. _

_I heard his footsteps as he retreated. To where? I didn't know. All I knew was that the ache in my arms became unbearable, I so desperately wanted to let them drop. There was no doubt I would take the light with me and stumble the floor in my weak state. I held them above me, placing some of the weight on the light._

_My heart was normal now, as was my breath. How long had it been? _

_I could only image what I looked like. Face covered with bruises, lip and nose black with dried blood, fingernails still bleeding. I cursed gravity as the blood made its way down my arms. _

_Thump. . . Thump. . . Thump. . .  
_

_My heartbeat was the only noise I could hear. My breathing was silent. _

_I could tell you how much pain I was in, but it wouldn't be enough. Sure I could try. Make you compare your own tortured memories and then double it, triple it. But why would I want to inflict horrific memories on you? _

_A new wave of fear and panic started to set in.  
_

_What would happen now?_

_I was quick to find out. _

_The sound of steel scratching together filled the darkness. My ears starting ringing, the noise too loud after such a long silence. The screeching sounded like two knifes being rubbed together. It started to get closer and closer._

_I realised how truly vulnerable I was with no help from my vision that could see the oncoming attack. I stood there in the overwhelming darkness, hands restrained above my head, not knowing what was going to happen. Defending myself was an impossibility. I had no weapons to even attempt a defence, even if my hands were free. Feet and fists were nothing compared to a knife or even a gun._

_The fear then made my muscles freeze, so even if I was able to get away, I could not run. The screeching sounded directly behind me, making me shudder. _

_Silence fell over my ears. The fear intensified every second. Each moment._

_My body started to lose its feeling. Everything felt numb. _

_I longed for death. So much. Too much. _

_Suicide._

_The word burned through my mind. How? Suffocation? I'll fall unconscious and hit the floor. I would not die. _

_What else?_

_THINK. _

_I didn't want to think. I didn't want to live. What the point of thinking? _

_What was the point of living?_

_Only to lose the things you love?_

_Only to have things taken from you?_

_Maybe I was already dead. I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't see anything. _

_All senses gone. _

_Taken away from me._

_Was this death?_

_Living the rest of eternity like this._

_I had to be dead._

The insanity creep through my mind, ripping all sense of reality from me. I only realised that I still longed for death, even now.

Stop thinking like that! There is hope. There is always hope.

Where?!

No where that's fucking where.

Stop it.

So you wanna think life is gonna turn out all nice and happy. Maybe a few pigs will start flying while you're at it.

Hope does exist! Somewhere in some form it will appear!

When?

Death is the only hope now.

Accept it.

Embrace it.

NO!

_Perhaps the torture was over now. Maybe they would starve me for a while, then kill me? _

_Thump...Thump...Thump... _

_The eerie silence was driving me to insanity._

I know now that the insanity had already taken me prisoner. Maybe it never let me escape from its grasp. Maybe it never set me free.

_Anything could happen. Nothing could happen._

_Suddenly something slashed across my calf. The silence was filled with a scream. Warm blood flowed down past my ankle. _

_The screeching sounded again, metal against metal. My ears rung in response. This time I heard the swish of the blade before it struck my other calf. It seemed to be too quiet for it to be a knife. I assumed it was a machete._

_Silence engulfed the darkness once more._

_Thump..Thump..Thump.._

_Faster and faster my heart was beating. When would I be struck next? _

_Thump.Thump.Thump._

_Silence._

_ThumpThumpThump_

_Horrifying silence._

_My attackers could be far away, yet they could be directly behind me and I wouldn't even know. I will never know. _

_Never._

_I heard footsteps. At first they were slow, but they gradually got faster and faster as if they were running. The swoosh of the metal sounded before striking my neck. _

_Then, there was total silence._

_I was biting my lip to keep the screams in. Don't give them the pleasure. Don't give them anything._

_I knew that James wanted me to beg for mercy, wanted me to scream in agony. _

_He was waiting for me to crack. _

_Waiting for me to scream. _

_To writhe in agony. _

_To beg him to stop._

_Struck again and again. _

_STOP! _

_Please!_

_The pain became too much to keep inside. _

_I screamed. _

_Shrieked. _

_Tears flowed down my cheeks. _

_Why did I scream? _

_CONTROL YOURSELF. _

_DO NOT GIVE THEM ANYTHING._

_I clamped my mouth shut. _

_Holding it in was incredibly difficult. _

_But I managed._

_For a moment. _

_The blades of the machetes became too familiar. _

_As did the pain. _

_My throat burned in response to my screaming. _

_I gave them the pleasure._

_My head lolled for moment, my eyes spinning in the darkness. _

_The attack had ceased for now._

_The greatest gift I could receive now was unconsciousness. _

_And somehow. _

_I received it. _

**Review. **

**Harsh, nice or otherwise, all accepted. **

_**Also go check out Chapter 1 - brand new scene added! **_

_Thanks!_


	16. Weak

_Please read Chapter 18 again._

**CHECK OUT SushiandPickles.**

_**Playlist: 1. Angel by Massive Attack. 2. ****Nerve by Soilwork. 3. Let Go by Red.**_

Weak.

Pathetically weak.

That's what I was.

Constantly crying in front of strangers?

Panic attacks during classes?

What the fuck happened to me?

Where was my strength?

I had been through so much worse than this. I found strength then. Surely I must now?

I looked away from his eyes that were strangely filled with worry. Or was it pity?

I can take care of myself. I do not need anyone to pick me up. I will never be the damsel in distress waiting for her saviour.

My salvation is mine and only mine.

I am on my own. I have to save myself.

I need to fucking understand that!

It was painful to stand, but I managed to shut off the majority of my emotions and feelings. Disconnect them.

In silence I observed Edward who stood himself.

Within a few moments, my Dysthymia struck me. The hollowness and emptiness I felt seemed comforting.

Picking up my bag, I wanted to run. From Edward, I wanted to run. From this place, I wanted to run. From this life, I wanted to run.

I wanted to get away from everything and everyone.

To stay in unconsciousness for eternity. Then there will be no more pain, no more fear. No more anything.

Just the end of a horrific life.

"Are you okay?" he asked. I simply nodded, my eyes still fixed on his. Wave after wave of depression hit me, I was so grateful.

To not feel anything was a miracle.

Spiraling down and down.

Faster and faster.

His expression clearly uncertain, so I told him I was fine, then I started to move (limp) to the door.

As expected, he blocked the exit, his eyes showed worry of some sort, but I was sure again it was pity.

"I hurt my ankle when I fell," Wow, my lying capabilities have really deteriorated.

I noticed the broken door, the hinges had been ripped off as someone had kicked the door in. The coach stood outside the changing room, his face flushed slightly as he asked of my well-being.

"She's fine," Edward answered for me. I looked at him questioningly, did he kick the door in? He caught my gaze and I nodded at him slightly, thanking him.

Sleep. Dreamless sleep. Such sweet heaven. Such paradise to this reality.

Take me please.

Take me to such a place full of happiness and peace!

"I think you should take her to the nurse," Clapp suggested, his stance unsure, his eyes filled with curiosity. The empty look on my face, I was sure, made him step back from me.

Not having the effort to protest, Edward took my arm and lead me to the nurse, my eyes watching his stride.

One. Two. Three. Four. Turn to the right. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Pause.

I looked up to see we were going through the door of the nurse's office. Edward explained to the nurse what had happened, although I wasn't really listening.

I was really thinking, my mind wandering to an empty place, a place of no feeling, a heavenly place. . .

"Miss Swan?" Making eye contact with the nurse, I detested her sympathetic expression. She gestured to her bed and told Edward to stay outside. I started to fall, half on purpose, thankfully I aimed straight for the nurse and she caught me before I landed on the floor. I held onto her as I thanked her; she guided me slowly to the bed still holding onto my weak form.

The nurse retreated for a bandage and glass of water, I quickly stood on my feet and rushed to the medicine cabinet. I unlocked the door with the keys I had swiped from the nurse.

Most of the medicine was prescribed to specific owners, presumably students and staff. I swallowed down a couple more Aspirin and I put the bottle back, exactly where I found it. My heart then soared for the first time in what seemed forever when I found an Epi-pen.

I gave up finding a vein in my arm and injected the adrenaline into my neck. Let's pray it gets into my bloodstream. Hold on. Where the hell will praying get me? What's the point of praying when no one is listening? We scream our pleads of mercy in silence. To deaf ears.

As soon as I sat back down on the bed, the door clicked open.

The wave of adrenaline made everything clearer, made me more aware, it was too much.

My hands started to shake again.

I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before thanking the nurse for the water. Attempting to the hold the glass was pointless, so she slowly placed the glass to my lips.

She asked me how I was feeling, how often the panic attacks were, how long they lasted, what I felt during them.

"Fear," I told her.

"The fear around panic attack is usually the thought of having another one. You must remember that you will always get through them, always,"

I nodded slowly, no real energy to reply.

The nurse then asked me whether I wanted to go home or not, I refused. The money needed to be delivered.

Well, what happened next, I do not recall, but the next thing I knew, I was sitting on the bleachers watching the other runners. Disoriented, I found myself sitting next to Edward, who caught me staring and gave me a small smile.

Do I trust that smile?

Can I ever trust anything?

I felt something around my ankle and found a bandage wrapped around it.

Time was impossible, already gym was over.

Edward helped me to the changing room to grab my stuff, I kept my head down as low as I could, but still I could feel the stares.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

I began to hyperventilate as my hands shook. Each whisper I could hear, each colour so vivid, the lights too bright, the racing of my thoughts beyond comprehensible.

The KA-BAR seemed comforting in my hand as I kept in concealed in my hoodie pocket.

Taking my bag, I left the changing room, where Edward was waiting for me. We walked out together to the lot in silence. I hid my limp as best as I could as Kyle came into view.

My heart leaped, in fear? In hate? In love?

I excused myself from Edward and approached the devil.

The beautiful, sinful, tempting devil.

He stood exactly the same, looked exactly the same, had the same wicked smile.

"Are you bleeding?" he asked. I froze a few feet from him, how the hell did he know that?

"No," I lied, surprisingly it sounded true.

"Liar," he muttered under his breathe. I got out the money, pushed it into one of his hands and turned around, hoping for a retreat.

"You know you'll always be mine," He said as he grasped my arm, and twisted me back to face him. I looked down to the grey concrete. So dull it was. Just like the unmovable clouds. Maybe land and sky were losing its colour. Losing its life. Just like everything. Nothing can live forever. Everyone and everything will have their time to die. Kyle was right, I couldn't admit it to him though. That would break me into pieces right there and then. I was his from the second we met. I was his property, his love, his Bella. I could not deny it, he took my heart a long time ago.

_I was at my first Soilwork concert, the turn out was amazing and it was completely sold out, full to capacity. I was here on my own, but that didn't matter, I felt united with the people around me, having the same music taste. I was near the front stage in all black, with an appropriate Soilwork t-shirt. There were few girls, but again it didn't matter. The testosterone seemed to make the concert even more exciting and make the energy levels go beyond anything I have ever felt. The heat reeled off me, wave after wave. Thankfully the heat only made the experience even better, normally the heat was uncomfortable for me._

_I watched in amazement as the band members came onto the stage. The crowd screamed and shouted along with myself, grateful for their appearance. After the introduction, the song Nerve pumped out of the speakers. The roar of applause seemed quiet when compared with the sound of the music. This was my favourite song and my head automatically started banging along to the beat. Lights of all colour and brightness kept flashing, constantly the crowd changed colour. It was ecstasy to my eyes as well as my ears. I screamed along with the words even though I couldn't hear myself. The bass vibrated through me making my heart beat fast along with it._

_This was heaven._

_I joined the circle pit which gained more and more momentum. A good hundred of us were running full speed in a circle, shoving the slow people out our way._

_"Walk straight with for a final solution, Walk straight don't you be so cold," I screamed out the words, getting rid of the pain buried deep inside me. That's it. Scream it out. Rid yourself of the pain. Even if you couldn't talk, even if you lose your voice. It's worth it._

_"Walk straight a clear resolution-" I started falling towards the floor, though it seemed so unreal as my head was still spinning from the circle pit. I prepared myself for the worst. The wind was knocked out of me as my eyes locked shut. That wasn't too bad._

_My eyes flicked open as I felt an arm around my waist. I turned my head to see that I was laying on top of a fellow fan, I couldn't help but blush. He had just-above-the-shoulder length black hair, memorising eyes and the most gorgeous face I had ever seen. So beautiful, I muttered under my breath as I tried to stand. His arm stayed glued to my waist like an unmovable comfort. I heard no music, I saw nothing else. Only him._

_He steered me clear of the oncoming wave from the circle pit and lead me away from the speakers stationed at the front. I was mentally dazed, unable to speak, unable to think properly. Never in my life had I seen someone so beautiful. I must be dreaming. Maybe when I fell over, I hit my head and he was a creation from my mind. He seemed too perfect._

_Where were we going? I realised how much I didn't care. A face like that can torture me, can stab me as many times as he wanted to, can set me on fire, can tie a noose to my neck and hang me like the worthless piece of meat I was. Death was inevitable, so why not have an angel take you there?_

_The harsh arctic wind struck me with such a force that my body shuddered so violently to create some form of heat. He had taken me outside, this beautiful angel. If I died right there and then, I could have forgotten the past so easily with this pure bliss attached to my waist. He turned me around, making me face him. Again I was struck by his perfection as his eyes locked on mine. His eyes were darker than midnight, how ironic I thought, it was midnight._

_"Are you okay?" his musical voice asked me. I was stunned not only by his deep and smooth voice, but his words. I could not remember the last time anyone had asked me that and here he was, the perfect stranger asking me those words, which were filled with an unmistakable concern._

_"I am now," I managed to say. His expression turned into amusement and a smile formed on his pale face that literally took my breath away._

I looked at his face, so many memories tried to swept me off my feet. His eyes were the raging river trying to drown me.

No. He would not control me. I would not let him drown me in his perfection. That had happened too many times before. But not now. Not ever again.

"Even when I'm a corpse?" he stepped forward, closing the gap. I turned my head away, refusing to acknowledge his presence a foot away from me.

"Forever," he slowly raised his hand and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. The anger was making it difficult to concentrate on not making a full blown knife fight with him. What about my 103? That should take the motherfucker down. A couple rounds in the head? Or maybe the heart? Seeing as he stole mine, can't I do the same? Pluck it through his chest and make him watch his heart beat the final time...

Don't loose control. Keep it together. I am not going to risk the lives of the innocent students passing by us with curiosity. Some watched in awe, sensing the tension between us. With my face turned sideways, staring into nothing, keeping my rage at bay, he kissed my cheek with cold lips placing a hand on my waist. The bag of money was already in his pocket.

I did not move.

"You owe me your life," he said turning my head to face him. His fingers were cold like his lips. I was sure that my rage was making me overheat.

"As do you!" I shouted ripping his hand away from my face. "You owe me a life that you so happened to push down the fucking stairs!" I could feel my eyes literally stinging in rage. Our eye contact was rock solid and immovable.

"What happened to your eyes?" he asked me. He was too calm, here I was shouting at him and he gives back little reaction. He rarely raised his voice, his anger much more controlled than mine. I hated that so much! Why was he so calm when I had lost all control!?

"I think that the life of my dead unborn child is more important than my fucking eyes!" I shouted in a whisper. He removed his hands from my face and waist backing away slightly, clenching his fists.

"Leave, Kyle," I said closing my eyes. I clenched my fists as well trying to subside my rage. His stance was perfectly still, completely immovable.

"Is there a problem here?" I was horrified to hear Edward's voice from behind me. What the hell was he doing?

I looked at his face to see his eyes fixed on Kyle's. Suddenly, Edward took a step back for some strange reason, he himself looked dumbfounded. I turned to Kyle who had a wicked smile on his face.

He couldn't have done that, could he?

The fear inside of me, having Edward so close to Kyle, nearly made me scream. I grabbed Edward's arm and pulled him away, walking a good twenty feet from Kyle.

"What the hell are you doing?" I hissed, letting go of his arm.

"Did he hurt you?" his face was so full of worry, it hurt to look at him.

"What? No, of course not," Well at the moment, no. "Edward, this has nothing to do with you, just go," I left him standing there and limped my way back to Kyle.

"You've got what you want, now leave," I told him as calmly as I could. I felt a fresh stream of blood pour down my thigh, need to fix it now.

"Have I?" a devilish smile spread across his cheeks. I shook my head in disgust as I watched him put on his helmet and get on the bike.

The engine too loud for my sensitive ear drums.

"You better stop the bleeding," he murmured to me, pointing at my leg. How the fuck did he _know_ that?!

"Oh and by the way, last night was really good fun to watch. Who knew you still had a thing for fire," he slapped down his vizor before accelerating out of the lot.

_Still the same fucking bastard. _

_**Bloody hell it's been ages! Hoped you like it. **_

_**Deception is going really well so far and I hope you do check it out. Honestly, it's a better story, has better characters, and is a hell of a lot more fun to write! **_

_**Can't wait to hear what you think.  
**_


	17. Ice

_**Playlist:**_**1. Erase by All That Remains [up til the XxX's] 2. Wake Up In New York by Craig Armstrong [for the flashback in italics]**

I spat on the concrete, the disgust invaded my very being. My very soul.

Well, what's left of it.

However much I hated to admit it, I knew he was right.

The bleeding needed to be stopped.

I limped to my car as quickly as I could. As I opened the door, Edward called out to me. I ignored him and shut the door, only to have him a moment later knocking on the window.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Why the fuck does he care? WHY CAN'T HE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!??

"Fuck off!" I screamed at him, firing up the engine, I bolted out of the lot.

Rage now replaced the emptiness. Waves of heat rolled off me, again the anger made me sweat.

_How fucking lovely. _

I overtook the other slow drivers, speeding down the highway, not giving a fuck if I crashed, not giving a fuck about anything.

Fatigue then stole me for a moment as I lost grip of the wheel and my eyes locked shut.

I shook myself, avoiding an oncoming truck, my eyes now plastered to the road ahead.

Go faster . . . faster . . . FASTER!

Happiness filled me as I drove up Charlie's driveway. As I got out of the car, I fell face first onto the ground, cringing as I felt a stitch tear apart.

_I am losing control. _

I retrieved my KA-BAR and placed it safely in my pocket, where it belonged. Pulling myself up, I hopped to the front door, feeling the blood ooze yet again.

It took me twice as long to open the door as my hands kept shaking, my vision constantly blurring as if to taunt me.

Finally, I gained access and started to drag myself up the stairs. There were too many, each steeper than the last.

I felt my insides breaking down, giving up like I have before.

_Do it for Ice. _

His piercing eyes was all that I could see now. The comfort of this image gave me strength, gave me a reason to fight.

The upstairs bathroom was now a paradise.

I tore off my clothes, peeling off my trousers the slowest to avoid disturbing the wound any further.

A fresh round of emptiness invaded me as Ice's eyes faded from my memory. One small sob escaped me before I forced myself into the shower, turning the water as cold as it could go.

Wiping my face from any tears that may have betrayed me, I looked down at my drenched underwear and inspected the improvised tourniquet.

_Fuck, the needle!_

Why the fuck didn't I get it before?! I scolded myself mentally and climbed out of the shower, wincing at the sharp pain.

I stood on my strewn clothes as I waddled to my bedroom. If I saw myself, there would be no doubt that I would have laughed.

Probably until I turned hysterical, just to prolong the hollow being I would become.

Thinking of hysteria kept my mind busy as I retrieved the needle and thread, then I ventured back into the shower.

I quickly closed my eyes, trying to disconnect the pain that I would feel as I untie the tourniquet. The cold of the water helped the numbness.

Sucking in a deep breath, I grabbed the material and began my work.

As it started the loosen, blood quickly seeped out.

_Too much. Too fucking much!_

The water washed away the dripping blood, creating a crimson pool around the drain. I untied the shirt completely and braced myself against the wall.

_So cold. _

Feeling it pour into the gash was really quite an uncomfortable feeling.

My heart fell as I heard a muffled gasp in the doorway. It stopped falling as my eyes met Edward's, looking horrified at the sight before him with his hands over his mouth.

Everything froze.

Time ceased to exist.

Edward was here.

What do I do?

Why was he here?

A blush crept over my cheeks as I realised I was only in my underwear, the embarrassment quickly vanished as he spoke.

"O-Oh my god. . . " he slowly approached me, making me shake in fear slightly. I was so vulnerable, no, _too _vulnerable. It felt like he was the largest threat I have ever had to face, and hell, I have faced a lot.

The uncertainty of what was going to happen made my stomach swirl.

His eyes were fixed to my wound, oh god, he _knew_.

Edward knew I blew up the fucking gas station, shit.

Thoughts of discovery and prison filled my mind. He was going to tell, I mean he _had_ to.

"You were the one who saved m-my life?" I was completely speechless at his question. Of all the ones he could have asked, it was the least expected.

"And you. . ." his eyes met mine for a moment, then fell back down to the wound as he looked uncomfortable, "blew up the gas station?"

He seemed too calm. Why wasn't he running from me? Why wasn't he running to the police and confessing his knowledge?

"It's not what it looks like," I replied quickly, finally finding my voice. A wave of dizziness turned my co-ordination upside down, I tried to stay still and attempted to hold my position.

Edward moved forward further, now only a few feet from me.

The tranquility surrounding him had gone within seconds, his breathing became laboured and his eyes became frantic, looking everywhere. The initial shock was over.

"You n-need to go the hospital,"

"No." I simply stated.

"Fine then, I'm going to go get my dad." I was so panicked when he turned away from me, heading towards the door.

"NO!" He stood motionless, turning around slowly.

"No! You can't! Please Edward, no." Then my heart flipped again as he walked directly towards me, now standing only a foot from me.

"No?! Bella, you have lost far too much blood, you need medical attention, NOW!"

"The adrenaline in my body will take care of the blood, I just need to stitch myself up and I'll be fine."

"Fine?!" The hysteria made guilt bleed from my whole where my heart should be. Why does he care about such damaged goods?

He leaned into the open shower, only a few inches from my face.

Another gasp escaped his mouth as his eye contact became solid.

Those sympathetic eyes I knew. I was dumped into the river, all ready drowning in the memory.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

_It had been a fortnight now since I had left Kyle. Within the two weeks, I had literally runaway to the other side of the country. Before I was in North Carolina. Now? Idaho. I had picked up various rides from people, sometimes I caught a train, sometimes a bus. I kept low, invisible, the last thing I wanted was attention. They would sent me straight to the social services. The only thing the social services has given me is countless bruises and a few broken bones from my foster parents. Couldn't they send me to someone who wouldn't beat me each night while they were blind drunk?_

_The sun had set a good four hours ago. The stars shone their little light through the mist in the air. I walked the empty streets thinking of nothing now. Only my breathe and stride. I found a small alleyway that was hidden quite well behind overgrown bushes. I pushed them out of the way and chose a place to sleep. I placed my bag on the concrete next to me and laid down._

_Little did I know that I wouldn't move from this spot for three days._

_I woke before dawn from the nightmare. Shivers rocketed throughout my body. Maybe it was the cold? Maybe it was the fear. I didn't know._

_Heroin._

_Otherwise known as Lady, white girl, horse, black tar, brown sugar, smack, goods, H, junk and Harry._

_Capable of blocking physical and mental pain. That was the main reason I did it. I used to inject it, sometimes three times a day. More and more every time._

_I often mixed the heroin with cocaine, creating "speed balls". They were the best. I could actually last days without feeling any pain. All I wanted was to be numb. To never feel the pain again. To never have it unleashed on me again._

_My last fix was three days ago, the withdrawal symptoms started to get nasty. My body was aching all over and many of my muscles cramped like no tomorrow. I couldn't move. I felt hot and cold flashes crawl through my veins._

_Sunlight couldn't come any slower._

_By dawn I had already vomited three times, leaving little food in my stomach. The day went slower than any other day in my life._

_I tried to sleep. But how could I? Did I want to see his eyes, the eyes of who I killed?_

_I didn't eat or drink. The remaining water in my body was being drained through my eyes. The tears silently fell down my cheek. But I wasn't crying. That was another withdrawal symptom. The temptation was controlling me, my mind was screaming for another hit._

_I clenched my fists. I am not moving, I screamed in my head._

_The next day was the same. All too much the same. By the third day, I was sure death was near. I tried to vomit, but there was nothing in my stomach. Tremors shook through me as well as the panic. When will this end? My legs started kicking out as the muscles spasmed. I was literally "kicking the habit"._

_I had to rid myself of this life. No more drugs, robberies or pain. No more Kyle._

_I was destroying myself every time I injected the heroin into my veins. But that was what I wanted. Self-destruction. To rid the monster that I am out of the world._

_Here I lay, getting rid of the monster, letting it starve and dehydrate._

_I smiled._

_By midday, goosebumps had covered my body. My breathing had rapidly increased, but my temperature had dropped as chills spread through me._

_Every second was too long, each breath too painful. I could not hear a single sound. I could not see anything. The outside world didn't exist here._

_Nightfall was here. Finally. Darkness was a safety for me. Being invisible was good. Being invisible was safe._

_I yawned constantly wanted sleep, but I couldn't. Each time I blinked, my eyes wanted to stay shut._

_Just stay awake. Don't give up. I had already counted the leaves on the tree several times. I counted the leaves again, in French and Spanish. But it wasn't enough to keep me conscious. I didn't even know I was gone, until I was woken up._

_._

_._

_.  
_

_What was that? Urg. Something wet and slobbery was being wiped all over my face. I opened my eyes to find a dog sitting on my arm. It licked my face again. I tried pushing it with all the strength I could muster, which was very little. I had barely moved the dog._

_It was day now, the strong sunlight burned my retinas slightly, making me blink too rapidly. I examined the dog as best as I could. No leash. A stray, just like me._

_The dog was a Siberian Husky, with a grey coat and a black and white face. It looked so pure. If you can describe a dog like that._

_Well its eyes definitely looked pure, they were a strange ice blue colour. Such intelligent eyes._

_It climbed into my arms again, dare I say comforting me? It placed its head on my shoulder._

_There was little pain now. The little that was remaining was unfocused and hard to pin-point where it was coming from. The panic had dulled, the chills vanished. My breathing was normal._

_It was over._

_._

**.**

**Sorry it was a little short. Hope everyone had a nice Christmas and Happy New Year!**_** You didn't get too drunk did you?!**  
_

_youtubeDOTcom_

_watch?v=aNfcH_HS744_

**I'd appreciate if you would check out my trailer for Deception and leave a comment! Again, Deception is my joint story with SatinBeige that I am concentrating on. **

Just search for** SushiandPickles** on Authors. _  
_

**Any questions you want to ask - please feel free to PM me. **

**_Please Review!_  
**


	18. Waiting

**_Playlist_: **_1._** Lifehouse - _Storm_. **_2._** Disturbed - _Criminal_**.

_How many hours had it been? Or had it been seconds that this stray has been in my arms? It withdrew its head from my shoulder and stared into my eyes. This was not normal. For how could such a creature stare with such intensity?_

_It took my elbow in its mouth, biting at first I thought, but then the dog began to pull me. I was shocked when the dog had moved me about a foot, I underestimated its strength. I had a tendency to do that._

_Another foot the dog moved me. I pulled back my arm as quickly as I could trying to be released from its grip. After pulling vigorously a few more times, I was finally free._

_I watched the dog as best I could with my stinging eyes. Why was it pulling me? Did he want me for his dinner?_

_"Shoo!" I managed to croak with my weak voice. It pained my dry throat too much. I waved my useless arms around trying to rid the dog. What good could I do it? I couldn't even help myself, so how could I with another life?_

_The lives of others around me seemed to slip away so helplessly. Was there a point to try again? To try to sustain this life of a stray even when I couldn't sustain my own life properly._

_It persistently sat by my side. The dog was alone, just like me._

_After a few moments, the dog took my elbow in its mouth again. It pulled and pulled me further away from the wall I was laying against. I attempted pushing it away, but I had nothing left. The dog stopped pulling and licked my face again, then barked and wagged its tail. What did it want? Food? Drink?_

_Again, its slobber covered my face as it licked me. Yummy._

_The creature then climbed on top of me as I lay on the ground, barking at me as if encouraging me to stand. _

_Slowly, I propped myself up on one arm, feeling the dizziness of a head rush. I collapsed back on the ground in defeat._

_No more. _

_No more!_

_The dog barked right next to my ear, the harsh noise so deafening. _

_I can stand. _

_I know I can. _

_Looking into the dog's beautiful eyes, my mind took me back to all the memories where my parents would always encourage me._

_"Come on, Bella!" My mother told me, giving a warm smile of encouragement._

_"You know you can do this!" My father said as I recalled the time I first rode my bike without any help._

_"But I'm scared," I was absolutely petrified. Everything in my head told me not to do anything, it was frozen by fear.  
_

_"Don't let the fear stop you, if you conquer your fears, Bella, you can do anything," he replied, imitating my mother's grin._

_How fucking cliche can you get?_

_Disgusted with myself, I made it to my knees, ignoring the flooding memories of my parents. _

_They only bring pain, no happiness, simply sadness and hurt. _

_My muscles ached and protested as I finally made it to my feet. _

_The dog jumped up on me, attempting to lick my face again._

_Right, so you want me to fucking stand but then you do this?! Stupid fucking animal. _

_As I thought this, the dog went back down, standing on its own four legs. _

_I looked down at the animal, the creature that gave me strength. I guess I owed it something at least. _

_Maybe some comfort and food. _

_Then, hopefully, the dog will find a good home, with people to feed it, people to love and care for this beautiful creature._

_I picked up my bag, slowly but surely, feeling the horrible aching hunger twisting my stomach, yearning for energy. A chocolate bar! Yes, there was food in my bag! _

_Rejoicing, I snapped the bar in half and threw the dog's share into his mouth. The crunching noises were strange, yet slightly amusing. A small smile crept onto my cheeks as I examined the chocolate stuck between the creature's teeth. _

_Taking out a bandanna that I found near the bottom of my bag, I held apart the dog's lips and started to wipe off the chocolate. The Husky started to fidget. _

_"Stop moving!" I croaked, swallowing a little bit of chocolate that had found a home at the top of my mouth. _

_The Husky then started to whine like a pathetic little baby._

_Urgh. He's gonna be a handful.  
_

_._

_._

_._

_We stuck together, stray and stray, finding food and shelter as the sun fell under the horizon. I gave Ice, the name I called the beautiful Husky, no leash. _

_What right did I have to control this animal? _

_None. _

_It deserved freedom like everything on this earth and I for one wish to be free from my memories, but these pointless desires get people nowhere in life. _

_I guess that creatures deserve the physical freedom, if anything at all.  
_

_I must forget the past and move forward. _

_The task seemed impossible, but I had someone to care for now, this energetic underweight dog that seemed bipolar. _

_At some moments in the day, Ice was incredibly friendly and gentle, others it was very boisterous and loud, sort of like my parents actually. My mother was the gentle one and my father was the more out-going type._

_Perhaps this dog was the reincarnation of my deceased parents. _

_Pathetic I know, but it gave me reason to move my muscles and open my eyes when daylight comes._

_._

_.  
_

_._

_I looked at the few shops with little interest. What I wanted I could not buy. For it did not exist._

_We came across a television shop, its front window crammed with flat screens all playing the same thing. A news reporter read out the headlines in silence. I read the title at the bottom - Breaking News - James Thompson escaped from South Idaho Correctional Institution. Sentenced to life in prison for a horrific triple murder seven months ago. Considered extremely dangerous._

_I pressed my face against the window wanting to see more of this news story. His face, his horridly familiar face appeared on the screen._

_Nausea emerged as I took in his sick expression and his merciless eyes._

_They then showed the pictures of his victims, Mary Kranz aged twelve, Jonathan Carroll aged seventeen and Amanda Levine aged fifteen._

_My hands started to shake as the tears welled in my eyes._

_I ran. As fast as I possibly could._

_How could he have escaped? How? Surely he should be in a maximum security prison where he could never escape! I was the one to put that bastard away and he could be lurking at any corner. My muscles in my legs ached as I ran faster and faster._

_Ice was behind me, I could hear his raspy breathe. It wasn't long before he was beside me clearly enjoying the thrill of the run. There was no thrill, not today. Not if I knew that the finish line was safe._

_It could never be safe now. Not until we were far, far away from this place._

_My lungs burned as did my muscles, yet the adrenaline and fear swirling around my sanity, made me keep running as fast physically possible.  
_

_Ice accelerated ahead of me, I couldn't keep up the pace. _

_I turned a corner and headed for an alleyway, there I could catch my breath from prying eyes of strangers._

_My heart pumped hard and fast, hitting against the insides of my ribs it seemed. Ice looked back and began to circle around me as I sucked in as much oxygen as possible. _

_Hands gripping my knees, I tried to calm myself down, an impossible task. _

_Fear made my hands begin to shake, so frightened, so alone, why is this happening? _

_I slowly stood upright, bringing my hands to my sides. I closed my eyes for a moment, wishing the nightmare to disappear, wishing that I could wake up from this hell. _

_Then I opened my eyes._

_One of the biggest mistakes of my life. _

_He was in front of me, with those twisted eyes and that sick smile on his face. I was too shocked to scream, too scared to move. _

_"Hello, Bella," he murmured, the smile widening. "I've been waiting for this moment a long time."_

_._

_._

_._

_**My birthday present to you. **_

_**And I apologise, exams, sigh, I've got two GCSE exams tomorrow. I haven't revised for either :P**_

_**Anyway. **_

_**Review!**_

_**Oh, almost forgot, I've also started a brand new FanFiction for the Host, so if you're interested check it out! [When All Hope Is Lost]  
**_

_**It's quite dark and gritty, rated M. Not sure if I should continue it, give it a read and tell me your thoughts!**_

_**Much love,**_

_**Drown.  
**_


	19. Goodbye

_**Playlist:** Night in Oslo III by Mondo_

His eyes were on mine, connected forever, his fear, his shock, his pity were entwined with the colours of his irises.

Why did I feel guilty?

Why did I feel anything at all?

I blinked out a droplet of water, I didn't know why it was there.

My muscles turned soft extremely quickly and I found myself being sucked to the ground by gravity. Edward held me up, held me together before I could collapse. Not just physically.

Patches of black invaded my vision, they were spreading, increasing in size, making me lose sight of him.

Was this it?

Was this the end of everything?

There was no blinding light of heaven, no comforting voice guiding me to heaven. No image of my parents, only the last image of Edward's petrified eyes staring at me.

.

Beep.....Beep.....Beep. A constant beeping noise had woke me from the infinite darkness. It sounded different, maybe Charlie put a new alarm in my room?

I searched my bedside table to crush the alarm clock. Stupid fucking noise-making machine. Nothing was unfortunately within my grasp and opened my eyes to see if Charlie had moved it to the end of the bed. Sneaky bastard.

The room was white, clinical, obviously a hospital room from what I could make out, but it wasn't very well lit. No sunlight streamed in from the window, only a dull greyish shadow of the moon. It was night, that was definitely a good thing.

My wrist was connected to an IV, which I then, squinting my eyes as I did, pulled out of my vein. More plugs and wires were on my arms, I ripped them off as well. Time to get out of here.

As I sat up, something pulled around my mouth and I realised I had on oxygen mask on me. Now off, I properly sat up, feeling a painful tugging in my thigh. A gasp escaped my mouth. The pain was distorted, not sharp and excruciating as I expected it to be.

Maybe ripping off that IV wasn't the best idea.

My mouth sucked in the air unsteadily, who knew how long I had been using the oxygen mask, I clearly wasn't accustomed to breathing by myself. I slowly stood up on my left leg, disliking the slightly itchy hospital gown that was over my body.

I had to get out of here.

There wasn't really a choice. If I stayed here, I would have been charged for armed robbery, arson, destruction of property and possession of an illegal firearm.

Couldn't trust Edward. Couldn't trust anyone.

I made my way out of the room, scanning the hospital corridor for any wandering nurses. As I silently limped and cursed, I passed a few more rooms before seeing a little waiting room for relatives of patients. My heart weakly jumped at the sight of Edward laying over a few chairs as he slept soundly.

My eyes checked the corridor once more before I crept inside, thankful that he was the only one in there. I cupped his cheek before I gently kissed him on the forehead.

_For your kindness. _

_Goodbye, Edward. _

A moment later, I was heading down the corridor, my face dry from tears that I thought would pour down my cheeks.

No emotion now, good. I could do this.

A shower room to my right, perfect. Spare towel by the door, even better.

Water on, towel plugging the hole.

Cold droplets.

This is it.

This is where my story ends. My pathetic story.

Nothing left for me here.

Pain and sorrow no longer.

Eyes tightly shut. Fists clenched. Face down.

Cold.

So cold.

Open mouth.

Lungs filled.

Legs thrash.

Come up for air. Stop this. Survive. Keep going. Don't give up.

No.

I refuse.

Eyes bulge.

Muscles shake.

Body slumps.

Eyes shut.

Senses fade.

Numb forever.

_Goodbye, Edward._

.

.

.

_**This wasn't my original ending, but I wanted to end the story before 2010, so consider this my Christmas present to you . I may revise and rewrite this one day in the future, the likelihood however is very low. **_

_**Thankyou so much for your support. It has meant so much to me. **_

_**I am on Fictionpress [Author-todrownandburn] and I'm writing some far better stories on there. **_

_**If you are really desperate to see what actually would have happened, I'll be happy to explain it to you. PM me or email me at todrownandburn at hotmail dot com.**_

_**This story is terrible might I remind you, unrealistic scenarios, empty characters, weak plot, bad writing, etc. That is why I've given up on it, so no bitching please. **_

_**Again, thankyou for the alerts, favs and reviews.**_

_**Much love [this time of the festive kind]**_

_**Drown.  
**_


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